I may not know soccer that well, but Argentina is a 2010s Detroit Lions level of dirty #WorldCup

Was the trophy in a real Louis Vuitton case? Or, was that just a $50 knockoff someone got on Canal St.? #WorldCup

One thing that got lost in the Andrew Tate arrest news is that he's the first person to get a glow-up by being dressed in an orange jumpsuit

The Pigeon Lady died. Were we not clear enough about which "Home Alone 2" star we meant, God?

If ashtrays had crotches, that's what Chicago smells like right now

Precisely the opposite, Bluesky

Attention, motorboat enthusiasts

I'm willing to believe those guys spoke with Mitch McConnell last night. I just want to know if he was the Ghost of Christmas Past, Present or Yet-to-come.

Presidents John Adams, Thomas Jefferson and James Monroe all died on this day in history. Happy 4th?

How bad is the Cubs game going? Well, Taylor MacGregor is interviewing three bros in Founding Fathers wigs in the bleachers.

The world didn't need another reason to love Weird Al. He gave us one anyway. GenAI can eat it.

Aw, come on. Mel Gibson was right there!

Are we sure the guy arrested for cranking it at the Great American State Fair wasn't just Vanilla Ice's opening act?

Just so we're clear, Diane was absolutely correct for leaving Frasier at the altar and coming back to Sam

I'm assuming I'm one of 97% of people who'd never heard of Cabo Verde before the World Cup, but really hopes they hold on to win this game

Kendrick Lamar should not play Wordle today IYKYK

Motherfucker can't even win a war against algae.

Has anyone checked in on the designer of the font on the back of Norway's jerseys? That is not the product of a sound mind. #WorldCup

"Who the f--k is that?" -Michelle Obama, hearing what that UFC dork said about her

Gross. This is the shit that should be moved to Indiana.

I know this is a scary story, but don't worry! The car is OK and New Jerseyans know how to keep their mouths shut.

Go Team USA and Cubs! I know you'll both disappoint me eventually. But still rooting for you!

And now, Randy Newman unironically loves LA. Fuck Spencer Pratt.

Open letter to New York Knicks fans: On Monday, remember that "86! 47! 86! 47!" would be an excellent chant to fill Madison Square Garden with.

So, Chicago's soccer team had the money to build a new stadium in Chicago without any taxpayer money, but one of the most storied franchises in American sports did not!? That said, I'll believe the Bears are actually going to Hammond when they start building.

I really don't want to think about next year's race for mayor, but I want to make sure Chicago doesn't have its own Spencer Pratt. Please tell me we don't have one.

Trump Tower Chicago finally landed it's first riverside retail tenant after 17 years. On a related note, never go to Prasino in LaGrange - or in Chicago.

There's no doubt these little shits are still in for the Freedom 250 concert

Let me see if I've got this: Trump needs a ballroom because a hotel event space filled with journalists isn't safe? But a 20,000-seat arena in a city that hates his guts is safe?

It's widely believed that baseball's 7th Inning Stretch originated when President William Howard Taft stood to stretch his legs during a game and the crowd followed his lead out of respect. My question is what will UFC's new tradition be called after Trump needs his diaper changed during this fight?

Don't be too hard on Jaxson Dart for appearing on stage with Trump. It's not like a Giants player will ever meet the president by winning the Super Bowl.

Did Tulsi Gabbard's husband not drink enough raw milk or cut off enough raccoon dicks for research!!!???

Hey, so good luck to CBS on maintaining late night ratings dominance with a syndicated safe comedy show hosted by the 65-year old former co-host of "Real People."

Go check on your divorced uncles in their 70s, people. They're going through it right now.

Giuliani at death's door. Trump scratched by claw machine.

Kind of impressed that Trump killed off Spirit Airlines in half the time it took him to kill his own airline

"How dare them liberals in Chicago let kids take the day off to go to a protest!!!???" -Skeeter in Alabama, who's going to be evicted from his trailer next week

Am I to understand this person became famous on a TV show in which he was asked to judge if certain investments were good or bad?

How soon until gas is $86.47 a gallon?

Have Tommy Tutone and Jenny been indicted for threatening the 75309th President yet?

Let me see if I've got this: Jimmy Kimmel tells a joke on his Thursday night show and it inspires Cole Allen to get on the magical Amtrak train that can get from LA to DC overnight and attempt to assassinate Trump? The math ain't mathin'. But the joke is still funny.

Gotta suck for Kash Patel that this happened during an open bar event

Remember when it was playing a state fair that told you an artist was washed up?

Imagine coming out of animal cruelty retirement

Ya know what got a much higher score than 31% on Rotten Tomatoes? "Leaving Neverland." #Michael

Wait, are you telling me that Alan Dershowitz, a lawyer who built his career helping rich criminals get away with heinous crimes, is now a Republican!? I mean, I believe it except for the part where this is a new development.

HEGSETH: I make the stupidest legal threats when I'm drunk. PATEL: Hold my beer. HEGSETH: Gladly!

Meet the Mets! Beat the Mets! Come on out and Sweep the Mets! GO CUBS GO! NICO WALKOFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I refuse to believe the Jordan Peterson brain disease is a recent thing

No matter where you stand politically, I think we can all agree that this man would be a horrible mohel