i post every now and then about forcibly relocating rural americans to high rise apartments in major cities and most people probably think i’m joking but actually i genuinely think that’s the only way to save america and it’s a cause i’m willing to die for

if i was a cardinal i’d vote for whoever i thought was gonna win the fastest even if they were evil and homophobic and stuff. that’s how much i love looking at my phone

touchtunes should let you pay $5 to turn it down a little bit

was recently made aware that the zoomer thing where you call stuff that's mid "ohio" has made it's way to latin america and now i can't stop thinking about walking down the streets of buenos aires or something and hearing some zoomer latina say "sus zapatos son muy **ohio**" or some shit

Trump is a lot of truly awful things but at least he’s not a fucking nerdass. Elon on the other hand…jesus christ. Just have to sit and watch the federal government get dismantled by a guy i would have relentlessly bullied in high school.

hmmmm

local bands i work with love emailing me shit like “collin those drum edits sound bad” like ok Mom Blouse how many of your 75 monthly listeners are gonna notice that i fucked up your drum edit gtfo

{several layers of vocoder vocals come in} Israel has a {several random glitches, radio static} right to DEFEND {beautiful major 9 piano chord, 10 layers of autotune saxophones playing soaring run} it’s….self

thinking back to last years super bowl which at one point became so boring the attendees of the party i was throwing started ranking David Bazan’s discography

about as excited for the super bowl as i’d be for, say, an august 15th wednesday afternoon game between the Rays and the Orioles

only funny super bowl outcomes ranked: 3. Butker misses game winning field goal (shorter the better) 2. Trump dies (any method) (bonus points if televised) 1. Kelce proposes, Taylor says no

we need kanye on bluesky!

going back to 2019 and telling myself that my favorite Bon Appetit personalties (Molly, Andy, Brad) are nothing but a faint memory while I make recipes from my least favorites (Rick, Carla, Solah) on an almost weekly basis. amazing how things can change....

watched Before Sunrise last night. good flick. struck by how uniformly beautiful women have been throughout the ages and how guys have been spent decades at a time looking like…that…or something equivalently awful

ladies and gentlemen the democrats

since my goals with Dua Lipa have always been strictly creative in nature this doesn’t bother me in the slightest

i'm cooking with seed oils you people couldn't even fathom

learning is a lifelong journey

if i was one of those people who was scared to leave the suburbs i would go to panera bread so much this shit is actually fire

oh ya i’m never seeing this shit

had a real deal hangover for the first time in forever today and all i could think about was how guilty i feel for making my Disco Elysium guy do literally anything in this state

remember all the dork asses who were like “actually free credit monitoring will be more valuable in the long run” ya well who’s laughing now nerds

collin if you could say anything to Luigi Mangione what would it be? my answer - i wouldn’t say anything to Luigi Mangione. i would listen

can’t do numbers on twitter anymore because nobody’s on twitter anymore. can’t do numbers on bluesky because nobody’s on bluesky. i am in the “poster’s wilderness”

remember how Mahmoud Ahmadinejad sorta laid low for a couple years then popped up with a twitter account where he’d occasionally comment on american sports rivalries? i think Assad should do that but for bluesky

i fear my favorite basketball team The Denver Nuggets have some major issues that need resolved before they win another championship like they did in 2023

LMAO apple just told me march was my biggest month for listening to “bisexual seasonal affective disorder snuggling with cats indie jams” nah im just kidding it was a succinct recap of the music i listened to this year because it is the streaming service for adults :)

bluesky is, at its core, a nerd app and i will never forgive that vile man for making all my beautiful non-nerd friends come here

project 2025? ya i project i’m gonna drink 20 or 25 beers this weekend

sorry but fireworks look exactly the same as they did when i was six years old. literally we’ve gone from zero to iphone 14 in my lifetime and fireworks are still the same shit.

my neighbors are rockin the sickest playlist rn. it’s all EDM remixes that have four pop hooks per track. just heard, swear to god, Little Lion Man > The Middle > sick dubstep breakdown > Levitating > Numb

kinda embarrassing but i was about to lease one of the business genius man’s exploding cars (cheapest EV lease on the market per mile of range) but i don’t think i can do it anymore lmao my man fucked with the wrong website

damn whatever will i do without the 700+ followers who hadn’t interacted with one of my tweets since 2018