"They’re like, ‘Oh, Andrew Garfield looks kind of young!’ No, he doesn’t. He’s one of those creepy older guys with like a tight little child face, and it’s DISGUSTING!" -The Amazing Spider-Man 2

"Dude, that’s one of my greatest fears: getting locked in an airplane bathroom. I’d lose it." (Andrew) "Oh, really? One of mine is getting shot in the face." "Oh, would you lose it?" (Steve) -The Amazing Spider-Man 2

"In this case, if you want to be a real *palm pilot*..." "Dude, you have had these fucking jokes written down for six years!" (Andrew) "Yeah…so? This is the one written episode." "It’s the only show that has a script; well, *one* person has a script!" (Andrew) -Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life

"'Jeremy’s looking at pornography!'" (Andrew) "It’s Justin, by the way." "I want it to be Jeremy." (Andrew) "Jeremy spoke in, and Justin’s strokin’!" -Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life

"'You guys got a lot of crotch nipples going on!'" -On discovering a bunch of erections; Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life

"If you don’t have a boy stud, your family is not American." -Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life

"She tells her to grow up, which is the adult version of ‘eat shit.’" -Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead

"'They human-trafficked Goobah!'" "‘Who woulda wanted him?! That’s crazy!’" (Andrew) -The Wahlberg entourage is still together!; The Family Plan 2

“It’s good to know that even in England there are still conservatives afraid of cities that have sidewalks.” -The Family Plan 2

"What was that dog movie called, Fetch?" "Arthur the King." (Steve) "Arthur the King - that is sacrilegious to our listeners in the British isles." -The Family Plan 2

"I like the idea of having a DJ for a movie. I guess Elvira kind of does that." -X-Men Origins: Wolverine

"They finally put the adamantium into his body, and they’re like, ‘Uh, erase his memory.’ Like he’s C-3PO!" -X-Men Origins: Wolverine

"Can we talk about her sexy pants in this movie? If you’re about to go into a plane, you’ve got a jumpsuit on with comfortable pants!" (Steve) "But she has to be aware that no matter where you go - thousands of feet in the sky or North Korea - you can’t escape the male gaze." -Stealth

"Say what you will about podcasts, but this is the only podcast that will talk about a mannequin’s vaginal walls." -Friday the 13th (2009)

"I cannot wait to have old man freakouts. I’m going to be yelling in the grocery store, on the street. I’m going to be a menace." -Logan

"Here’s my question: Did they just skip the Korean War?" (Andrew) "They should have shown them fighting for Korea!" -X-Men Origins: Wolverine

"Maybe Davy Crockett was a mutant - he just had a half-raccoon head." "Is that the extent of his powers?" (Sean) "This is as far as I’ve thought it through." -X-Men Origins: Wolverine

"What even is a moisture farm?" (Chris) "Why don’t you bend over, and I’ll show you." -Gleep Glossary: Biggs Darklighter

"What would an English Applebee’s be called?" "It’s gotta be called Banger’s." (Steve) "Bangerbee’s, dude!" -Tarzan the Ape Man

"I thought it was funny that this Assistant Camera credit is Wolfgang Dickmann. Best name!" "Dude, you know that guy got fucking LAID." (Andrew) -Tarzan the Ape Man

"If you find out you have a secret sibling, for some reason, these people either want to fuck horrifically or DO fuck horrifically." (Steve) "What scientific journal did you read this in?" -Tarzan the Ape Man

"Apropos of nothing, which is the subtitle of this episode: I was looking at a catalog from the 92nd Street Y the other day, and one of the courses they offer is ‘Baby Massage,’ and I’ve been sitting on this a while." (Steve) "‘Do I gotta bring my own baby?’" -Freejack

"What were you guys doing on New Year’s 1999, slamming ass?" "I literally don’t remember. I certainly was not slamming ass. I don’t remember, and somehow that’s even sadder." (Steve) -Iron Man 3

"Has anybody ever watched that Sean Astin short film where it’s like, ‘I’m a short man trying to put up a picture’?" (Steve) "Is that Rudy?" -The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human

"It’s like that woman who preyed on the Big kid in the movie Big." "She found that out afterward." (Andrew) "She made his little guy big!" -Once in a Lifetime: Hot Frosty

"In a very sweet moment, he’s reaching down for something and she whispers, ‘One day, I’m going to marry you, George Bailey.’" (Steve) "This is like a Biff Tannen line." -It's a Wonderful Life

"You know, remember back in the day when someone just wanted their two front teeth? And nowadays with these kids, it’s always gotta be ‘the new Atari Nintendo’!’" "You may be 95 years old." (Andrew) "I wish I was - it would mean I’d get away with this stuff." -One Magic Christmas

"This is like a wine-drunk soft horny. It’s all these old ladies dropping their old lady panties…" (Andrew) "Yeah, it’s like you’re rubbing your clit on the couch." -Once in a Lifetime: Hot Frosty

"My name is Andrew Jupin, and I’m alongside some cum-guzzling perverts. We have Eric Syzszka…" (Andrew) "They had to pump my stomach!" -Once in a Lifetime: Hot Frosty

"'Tonight, I’m going to party like it’s 1899.'" (Steve) "What does that mean? ‘I’m going to pass out at an opium den.’" -The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

"I one time was at the Charlotte Motor Speedway, and I don’t follow NASCAR…" (Andrew) "And you saw Dale Earnhardt die." -The Bucket List

"You go into any store in this country, and you will see pervert-made clothing." -Suicide Squad

"If Chris and I ever were to live on an island together, the movie we would bring is Quiz Show." (Steve) "Can we crowdfund this to get you guys out of society?" -The Bucket List

"Older people wolf down some marmalade. They hate jelly, dude - they need marmalade." -The Bucket List

"The only person who didn’t become a shitty townie is suddenly ostracized for living outside of everything." -How the Grinch Stole Christmas

"Fuck Christmas. My God. Oh, I have to ‘get people something’ and ‘care about people.’ UGH." -Animation Damnation: Daria

"But there might be a Who Christ! I would like to see him be pierced by a spear and whipped by Who centurions." -How the Grinch Stole Christmas

"I guess, technically speaking, the Spooktacular continues here." (Andrew) "Yes, it does. This is worse than any horror we watched this past month." -How the Grinch Stole Christmas

"I’m like the conservative reactionary to what my family is. It’s like that Michael J. Fox character." "Oh, you’re Alex P. Keaton!" (Andrew) -Life Itself

"I briefly looked at the IMDB trivia before closing the browser and throwing the computer against the wall." -Life Itself

"I will give this movie credit - there are multiple people getting hit by buses. It’s one of my favorite things in cinema." -Life Itself

"So much of the humor here is that cringe humor, which just reminds me of my generation, which was watching those movies where it was like, ‘Oh no, Ben Stiller doesn’t realize he’s peeing in granny’s mouth!’" "What movie did that happen in?!" (Andrew) -My Best Friend's Wedding

"I was so high ordering this slushie, and the guy gave me change back, and I kept giving it back because I didn’t think I’d paid yet. To the point where this dude working at 7/11 just burst out laughing." -Weird Science

"Can you imagine if you went to a place where everything stayed exactly 2000 the entire time?" (Andrew) "Yeah, it’s called my hometown." -Animation Damnation: Rudolph's Shiny New Year

"We’re talking about a film from the RANK Rankin and Bass universe…" (Andrew) "Franklin and Bash?" "Rankin and Bass." (Andrew) "Are they lawyers?" "No, they make shitty cartoons." (Andrew) -Animation Damnation: Rudolph's Shiny New Year

"Look at these fucking sweatstains!" (Steve) "He just got punched by humidity." -CHUDmentary

"There should have been a scene, 15 minutes long, of him explaining to every service industry person he comes across, ‘Well, listen, my ape is going to be joining us.’" -Every Which Way But Loose

"Lee Pace is here as Big Dick Doctor. Big Dick, MD." (Steve) "MD - Massive Dick!" -The Book of Henry

"Henry also built this massive, Pee-wee’s Playhouse-style machine that…frosts cookies or something? The most useless, piece of shit invention I’ve ever seen." -The Book of Henry

"At the start of my notes about the title sequence being a Rube Goldberg machine with a gun on it, I was like, ‘You gotta put this kid away before he puts Columbine to shame!’" -The Book of Henry