My birthday is coming up so I bought myself a new shirt

Tummy Tuesday, but it snowed again last night...

Just this until we are both dead.

Rise and shine boys. Let's make today awesome.

Happy Halloween! I'm Yukon Cornelius when he's not prospecting.

Rise and shine boys.

Hey Prius, play 'Berghain by Rosalia ft. Bjork & Yves Tumor' for the 30th time tonight.

Look at the carrot I grew! (What did I do wrong? This was the biggest one...)

I'm not disappointed, I'm just mad.

Post something random, your fake dad needs something to laugh about.

Disassociate with me as I get ready for work! 😵‍💫

Happy Saturday boys. Be good, and don't do anything I would do.

It's getting cold, let's cuddle.

Good morning boys. Let's grab today by the balls and get you bred.

Everyday is a new fresh hell and it's wearing on me more than it ever has.

I propose a trade - You get, to hear me say that I'm proud of you. I get, $20.

On my way to check your cage for Locktober

New roleplay idea - you say 'oooooh big stretch!' then tell me you're proud of me while you hand feed me apple chunks and Reese's cups like I'm a feral raccoon on your back porch.

POV - you're on the hood of my car blowing kisses through the windscreen at me as I lovingly speed down the interstate.

New roleplay idea - I bully you and steal your wallet to go buy myself an inhumane amount of Reese's peanut butter cups.

I've had a long day, I need a rub.

Rise and shine boys

Good boy.

Announcement: I got some hairs cut. That is all, thank you for your time.

Share a picture from your device with no explanation (or don't, I'm not your real dad.)

These curbs aren't going to hit themselves!

I'm not like other fake dads on the Internet, I'm a horse girl from hell.

POV - I'm checking your cage on Locktober 4th

New roleplay idea - I call you a good boy.

Post something random, If you want. Or don't, I'm a bear not a cop.

Thinking about all you boys observing locktober...

Hop in the car boys we are going for a drive.

New roleplay idea - I bully you until I cry because it makes me feel bad to be mean to you.

Sending a good morning and little forehead kisses to the little gay people in my phone

Is it me?!

Old roleplay idea - you hit me with your car (Ford pinto) and feel really bad, so you take me to McDonald's (in your trunk) and get chicken nuggets (with honey mustard sauce) and offer me one.

Get to bed, it's cuddlin time

It has been a long month, let's stay in bed and cuddle.

I'm the first person in my bloodline to read this sentence.

Your last saved celebrity picture is your new therapist, who is it?

My mental health is deteriorating, but the beard still looks good. Miss you boys.

Age yourself with a movie you saw in the theater.

Without downloading new pictures, where are you mentally?

How your email finds me.

My first attempt

Me examining a new follower.

If you see this, do it! -name: Dad -pronouns: He/Him/Himbo -height: 5'11" -sexuality: Rarely -sign: Sagittarius -piercings: 1 -tattoos: 0 -fav color: Orange and pink -fav drink: Water. No, coffee, uuuuuh... -fav animal: Bears -mbti: LMNOP

If you and 1658 of your closest friends send me $10 each I can afford to start working on the basement lounge.

New year, same me.

It's too early to be up. Go back to bed.