So yeah, we totally went to prom last night.

🚨🚨🚨 BLOCK IMMEDIATELY Official ICE account.

@profanity.accountant LET’S FUCKING GO!!!

This is when we see who is serious about their oath & who isn’t. This President continues to exceed his powers because Republicans care more about a pat on the head than they do being patriots. OUR TROOPS, OUR LAND, OUR CITIZENS, & OUR STANDING IN THE WORLD are all being put at risk!

I woke up to see the news. I am aghast. I can't believe the FIFA peace prize has been disrespected like this. Is nothing sacred anymore?

In the 90s, I trained with the Venezuelan military when I served in Panamá. Their soldiers are pressed into service around age 15. When they need soldiers, they just go into the countryside in a truck and find able-bodied boys and tell them to pack their shit. We just killed a bunch of teenagers.

Literally nobody in the world would describe me as “sultry.”

Personally I don’t give a fuck what some tire company thinks about restaurants.

Fuck you, Onana

I FINALLY BEAT THIS FUCKING GAME LITERALLY TWO DECADES AFTER I ORIGINALLY GOT IT!!!

Commercials are like “But wait, there’s more!” and I’m like “Fuck you, I don’t want to wait.”

My 4 year-old daughter got a singing and dancing Minnie Mouse toy that sings a song about “It’s time to get dressed up” and my wife and I start singing “it’s time to get messed up!” every time.

Thank you chess.com for reminding me that not only have I wasted a very large amount of time playing this stupid game, but that I also suck at it.

Shopping for the company Christmas party today

“Every kiss begins with Kay” = “I’m not fucking kissing you unless you buy me mass-produced jewelry.”

All I want for Christmas is a February St Totteringham’s Day.

Wtaf. Tried to make a lasagna for dinner tonight. The fucking glass 9x13 pan fucking broke in the oven. 😐

So I’m at the gym this morning and one of the TVs has reruns of Hogan’s Heroes on it. Wild that in the 60s we made a tv show that was all “LOL Nazis, hahahaha.”

I have literally no idea who the people are that are in the Georgia Public Service commission election tomorrow. I’m just showing up to vote for the Democrats because anyone running for the Republican Party is a piece of shit in this timeline.

Congrats to UGA and the SEC officiating crew on beating the Gators tonight.

One nil to the Arsenal.

I’m so stoked that neither the Raiders nor Gators can ruin my weekend.

I personally think FSU should give Mike Norvell a ten year extension.

If you need cheering up, remember this: Charlie Kirk is worm food!

Dear marketing people everywhere: Not every one of your products or sales this month needs to be described as “spooktacular.”

“If you had boys they’d just be playing video games all day”

Still love #iprevail and the new album, but #ded had the best album released yesterday. This is fucking FULL of bangers

If you follow the directions on the box of instant oatmeal, it tells you to use way too much water. No thank you, I don’t want oat soup.

So the Raiders may have sucked on the field last night, but at least we didn’t hold a moment of silence for a shitheel hatemonger. I’ve actually seen some Raiders fans online saying that we should’ve done that weak ass shit. They don’t know history. Al Davis was the original SJW of the NFL.

Actually I’m just trying to put my boots on, not play “eat laces” with you.

Album of the Year rankings for me so far in 2025: 1. Architects - The Sky, The Earth, and All Between 2. Halestorm - Everest 3. Callous Daoboys - I Don’t Want To See You In Heaven I Prevail drops in a week, excited for that one.

Charlie Kirk has teamed up with James Dobson, their new group is called Focus on Being Worm Food.

Maybe this is ridiculous, but I don’t care. If you make a food product with a stupid name, I’m not going to eat it. No, I don’t want any “monkey bread.”

For posterity. Cut is over at 168 lbs, going to bulk to 185, will most likely take until mid January. I’m literally in better shape at 51 than I was for the entirety of my 30s

🐥If this Senate hearing with Bobby "The Quack" Jr pissed you off, send a message: Quack-O-Gram delivery begins on 9/15🐥 🐥 $3. Man in a duck suit. Rubber duck with "impeach the quack" message to YOUR Rep🐥 Link: www.standupforscience.net/quack-o-grams #ImpeachTheQuack @standupforscience.bsky.social

Look, I’m not normally one to advocate violence, but this fucker had it coming.

We just REALLY need that fucker to die.

I’m just gonna say it. The new #Avatar song that starts out with the flute is fuckin’ weird.

More like Planet SHITness, amirite?

One of my seven year-olds says Paw Patrol is dumb because Ryder’s parents are never around. I mean, it has talking dogs that drive and fly vehicles, but an unsupervised 10 year-old is where she draws the line on realism.

People that gatekeep tattoos are fucking annoying. If someone wants to go in to a shop and just get a flash tattoo that they think looks cool, why do people shit on that? Tattoos don’t all have to have some deep fucking meaning behind them.

If you give this shit to my kids on Halloween, I’m coming back later to egg your fucking car.

So the rubber Jesus figurines at the gym have slowed down a bit. Wife has been grabbing them when she sees them and we decapitate and save the heads as we go. Up to 24 now. Based on my internet research, this represents about $6 some douchebsg has wasted trying to promote his toxic religion.

My three year old was disappointed that the new Halestorm album isn’t about the husky from Paw Patrol.

BREAKING: Guy wants to be good at his job and earn recognition, more at 11

Instagram thinks I want to see nothing but women with big asses and Bluesky thinks I’m gay.