Markwayne Mullin can’t even secure the border between his two first names.

Pretty sick of living in a perpetual game of Risk played by the worst men in the world.

BREAKING: In an effort to clear protesters, ICE has begun to project the Melania movie outside of ICE facilities.

Sex is great, but have you ever watched a neo-Nazi, J6er get pelted with water balloons in the single digit temps of Minneapolis & then run out of town?

Sometimes you have to remind yourself that the people on the other side of the argument have shit for brains.

The party of “small government” now wants to normalize federal agents going door to door asking for papers. Cool, cool, cool.

It’s really difficult to know whether to believe my own eyeballs or the biggest fucking liars on the face of the earth.

What took place 5 years ago today should’ve been the last straw on a mountain of straws. But it’s become increasingly clear that roughly 1/3 of the country actually wants a dictator as long as it’s one of their choosing. Fuck those people.

He’s tarnishing the good name of the FIFA Peace Prize.

When it finally happens there will be another baby boom 9 months later.

We don’t want the Apple TV release schedule of The Epstein Files, just drop the whole season at once Netflix style.

So it turns out fascism is not that popular. Whodathunk?!

South Carerdddd is beautiful this time of year. The fall colors are popping.

Portland is on fire alright… with autumn splendor!

I hope President Ocasio-Cortez turns the ballroom into a soup kitchen run by José Andrés.

Imagine going around raiding restaurants & kidnapping their employees then complaining that you can't grab a sandwich & use the potty.

I’m certainly anti-fa. Get the fa out of our cities & get the fa out of our country.

"I arrived in Portland as the National Guard, but I left as a Natural Gardener."

“ah-see... a-see-ta.... a-see-ta-mi… TYLENOL!”

“Daddy went on a work trip with Jesus to cover our pyrotechnics budget.”

Does anyone know what time Uncle Baby Billy will be performing at the memorial?

Maybe the real Antifa were the friends we made along the way.

Whatever you do, don’t call the fascists fascists. The fascists get big mad when you call them fascists. You could get in trouble with the fascists for calling the fascists fascists.

Disney should watch Andor. #JimmyKimmel

Them: “The shooter was a leftist”. Us: “What makes you say that?” Them: “We really want him to be”.

I can’t keep up, are we radical left wing lunatics too woke & empathic or too hate filled & violent? I’m getting whiplash over here!

Only in America would another school shooting be 2nd page news to a different shooting. I ask myself daily why I still live here & raise kids here.

United Cities of America

Chicago: where the Molotov cocktails will be made with Malort & the sandwich projectiles will be beef, wet with extra hot giardiniera.

These stars & stripes forever. #Chicago

“You look down, what’s wrong?” Oh, I don’t know… the president of the United States declared war via tweet on the city I called home for most of my life & said the city I currently call home is like “living in hell”. So yeah… I’m a tad miffed. #chicago #portland

BREAKING: Department of Defense name changed to Department of War On Our Own Citizens

He. Should. Not. Have. Even. Been. Able. To. Run. Again.

Hard to think of a bigger piece of shit, admission of guilt than calling the Epstein files a "Democrat hoax" while survivor after survivor speaks on Capitol Hill.

Saw a guy on Facebook unironically comment on a friend’s post, “Chicago is a war zone! Send the Guard in asap” Clicked on his profile & this is his cover photo. You can’t make this shit up. #chicago

Rudy Giuliani to receive Presidential Medal of Freedom. Ceremony will take place at Four Seasons Total Landscaping.

If he should die before I wake, May text alerts my cell phone shake.

Republicans will prevent you from getting shots, but not from getting shot.

“Ostracize thine friends & family that support the orange one, for it is they whom are feculent matter.” - Mark 8:24

When I was young, I used to delight in a ridiculous shot by Michael Jordan or an amazing Walter Payton run. Now I delight in the Chairman of the Federal Reserve, Jerome Powell, shaking his head at the president. Who have I become?

RIP, Ozzy. I wish War Pigs wasn't still so relevant.

“The dog ate my Epstein list.”

I’m not celebrating a country that’s building concentration camps & selling merch for it.

Same energy

The main thing the Tucker Carlson interview proves is that literally no one likes Ted Cruz.

Got treated like a king* for Father’s Day! *My children marched around the house protesting my authority.

The protests trumped his parade bigly.

George Soros might have to take out a second mortgage. #nokings

Americans can’t afford to be in another Civil War just from a health insurance perspective.