Targent is a fucking joke.

They keep finding me...

So it seems you-know-who doesn't actually recognise me. (That hurts a bit I worked for him for five years.) But as long as nobody runs their mouth, me and my partner can come out of hiding.

Eek

While "you know who" is around, me and my partner are currently in hiding. We are somewhere Targent will never think to look for us.

No no no oh shit no

I need some adult friends. I can't be hanging out with dumb teenagers anymore.

Sorry for not being active here for a while, I got married. Anyway, I'm still mad that no one was surprised when I said I was a homosexual. What made it so obvious? Is it my walk? My voice? The way I dress? This is pissing me off.

I have an important announcement to make. This may be a massive shock as I have been very good at hiding it. I am a homosexual man.

Is there anything more disgusting than seeing a couple kiss in public? Repulsive. Nobody wants to see that shit.

I told you. Tell a man he can be a woman and there will be no women left.

I've learnt so much since I left Targent. For example, did you know men can be women? Wowsers.

Shout out to women. I don't really know any but they seem alright.

[Agent Rook has not reported to his superior. Location currently unknown. Possible AWOL]

@bigbadbishop.bsky.social Message me when you get the chance. I need to tell you something.

Just spent 30 minutes assembling the new coffee machine. I swear if one more agent asks me for a caramel macchiato, I'm throwing them off the skyscraper.

So sick of people saying Ariel gave up her voice for a man. If you even watched the movie you would know she wanted to be a human long before she even met Eric. She was only pushed over the edge after her Dad destroyed her stuff and she was manipulated by Ursula. And another thing

What am I gonna go to a therapist for? So I can pay money for some stranger to tell me I'm gay? To find out I'm gay and in the closet? To help me discover that deep down I'm a homosexual man? Absolutely not. Miss me with that shit. I'm straight. I am straight.

I know we're an evil organisation, but why do we have to live in a literal dump? This is disgusting. And probably dangerous.

Y'all hear something?

OOC: Rook getting swarmed by Family Goons

*visibly shaking* Need to get back to the Nest. Agents there all different.

Since I can't get back to The Nest at the moment, I might as well try something productive: For Sale: Souvenir eggs from San Grio. Rare and exclusive.I accept cash or genuine Azran artefacts as payment. Serious offers only.

All these young couples acting all romantic today. Disgusting. Doesn't anybody have jobs anymore?

Last night there was a report of an intoxicated agent singing Need You Now at 3am in a Lidl car park. It wasn't me. I never shop at Lidl. I'm an Aldi man.

Hopefully nobody saw my... unprofessional behavior yesterday. This is why I don't drink.

Nghhh. I could have done something with my life. I could have been a doctor or a lawyer but instead I wasted my life getting a useless degree in henchmanning.

It seems I'm down to my last few coins. I suppose I should do the responsible thing for a Targent Agent and spend it all in a bar.

Still no sign of Bishop. It's not like I miss him or anything , it's just he's the one carrying our money.

Bishop, if you're reading this, I'm doing fine without you. I have replaced you with a dog and he is a much better agent than you. I don't miss you at all.

This is fine

Fine. I don't need that idiot. I can complete this mission on my own. I'll probably do it faster. Yes. This is good.

Nobody is willing to help me find Bishop. You threaten a few people and suddenly everyone avoids you. Brilliant.

I hate to ask, but has anyone seen a small man run past? He's about three foot tall, has blonde hair and is wearing the exact same outfit as me.