Dear <author name redacted> I am really getting a lot from your latest book. I read it before bed; it knocks me right out and I sleep like a baby. Keep up the boring work! An avid (and rested) fan

We had an election this past week for mayor. 19,000 votes were cast, and it was so close that a machine recount was mandated, resulting in one candidate with a single vote lead. A manual recount was triggered, and the same candidate prevailed with a five-vote margin. Your vote really does matter!

Tonight’s neighborhood party has been cancelled. Now what am I going to do with the four pineapples I was going to bring? Learn how to juggle?

New birds hanging around our feeder: painted buntings!

Thanks to the sublime, effervescent, and inimitable @catrionamcp.bsky.social for the very perspicacious blurb!

I’m chuffed to be on The Bookish Hour Podcast at Malice Domestic along with superstars @donnaandrews.bsky.social and @hankphillippiryan.bsky.social, hosted by dynamic duo Sarah Burr and @jckenney.bsky.social (Sat. April 25 at 10 am). I’ve been told I have a face that’s perfect for podcasts, so…

My oven says it's 8 o'clock. My phone says it's 9 o'clock. My watch says it's 10 o'clock. Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anyone really care?

Dear Alan, Please go with the flow. Best, Alan

This is one of the sensors for my garage door. As you can tell, I’m all about precise, hi-tech solutions. Yes, those are folded pieces of card stock held together by twisty-ties and a Velcro strap to maintain alignment.

There’s a weirdo in my neighborhood who puts mustard on his rice.

I wonder how many legit get-rich-quick schemes I’m missing out on by deleting every text, email, and voicemail message from somebody I don’t recognize.

The advances in technology over the past fifty years have been unfathomable. So why does my new electric razor work as poorly as the one I used when I was a teenager?

Three things I’ve never done (that many others have): eaten at Cheesecake Factory, watched an episode of Survivor, smoked a cigarette.

Yay, Rikki!

I think judgmental people are real jerks.

USA!

What's the most interesting/unusual thing that happened to you this week, so far?

Pro Tip: Wait until your electric toothbrush is in your mouth before you turn it on.

COVER REVEAL! Coming April 2, it’s THE FAMILY BIZ, about a dysfunctional family of con artists working on their *last* job together. (If you inhale deeply, you can get a whiff of that new cover smell!) From Level Best Books!

My emoji game is hurting. I can generally tell if one is positive or negative, and I know what eggplant and chocolate soft-serve mean, but beyond that…😵‍💫

Congrats to anthology editor John Shepphird for SERVING up the recent release of TENNIS NOIR (Level Best Books)! Such a SET of writing ACES! You’re gonna LOVE this one—it’s right up your ALLEY! A real SMASH! Don’t LET this one get by you!

I’m particular about my bananas.

SUPER CONGRATS to @magmn.bsky.social for having his awesome HOLLYWOOD KILLS story, "The Second Act Twist," selected for THE BEST MYSTERY STORIES OF THE YEAR 2026! Way to go, Matt!

This fence is made of iron(y).

New business cards! These highlight my two horror/thrillers coming out in 2027 from @rowanprosepub.bsky.social: DARK SPRINGS and THE TASTE. I’ll be handing them out at StokerCon! (The cards, not the books.) From GotPrint.com!

It's not a sea turtle. It's a path turtle.

I’ve been “selected” to receive a five-dollar reward from my local grocery store chain (Publix, which I dislike). All I have to do is spend $175 before the end of the month.

Today’s Big Game menu: veggie chili, corn bread, guacamole, and chips (corn and tortilla). Seems kinda meager, huh? Maybe we should add a dish made with my New Healthy Food of 2026—sardines. Suggestions?

The other day I helped a lady at the store get something down from a high shelf. I guess you can call me…Reacher. Unless that’s been taken, of course.

Ah, the pitter patter of little feet. Around here, that means it’s time to call pest control!

We got our renewed passports yesterday. Now, where should we go?

I made a new friend.

In exactly one year, my horror/thriller DARK SPRINGS will be released (from @rowanprosepub.bsky.social)! HUGE thanks to the very generous SUPERSTAR Jonathan Maberry for this amazing blurb!

HOLLYWOOD KILLS is a Finalist for the Best Anthology Derringer Award! Congrats to the other finalists! And, of course, congrats to all of our contributors for writing such FANTASTIC stories! Thanks to all the SMFS voters for your support! From Level Best Books.

Two more shout-outs to stories in HOLLYWOOD KILLS! Congrats to @ericbeetner.bsky.social (“The Cutting Room Floor”) and Gary Phillips (“What Ned Said”) for being named one of Robert Lopresti’s favorite mystery stories of 2025! Huzzah! From Level Best Books!

TurtleFest!

I've been going to the gym regularly for some time now, and I think I've finally made it out of the "utter weakling" category.

After some extensive introspection, I’ve decided that this year’s new, healthy food (added to my diet) will be: SARDINES.

I spent a lot of time watching Veronika the Cow scratch herself with a broom. Time well spent.

Congratulations #authors @robert-rotstein.bsky.social and Tiffany D. Plunkett #editors @alanorloff.bsky.social and Adam Meyer | @mysterywriters.bsky.social @sincworldwide.bsky.social

CONGRATULATIONS to HOLLYWOOD KILLS contributors Tiffany Borders Plunkett and Robert Rotstein for having their terrific stories nominated for the prestigious Robert L. Fish Memorial Award. Presentation of the award will be April 29 at the Edgar® Awards Banquet in NYC!

Watched the first episode of Leave it to Beaver last night. Classic. Some things are always funny.

Mother agave and her little baby agaves.

Your occasional reminder that corn chips make everything taste better.

I had a nightmare the other night. I dreamed I lost my library card!

I thought I’d heard every possible question at an author talk. But recently, I heard a new one. Someone asked the author: “Do you believe in Satan?” I’m going to use that when I meet someone. “How about this weather?” “What are some of your hobbies?” “DO YOU BELIEVE IN SATAN?”

CONGRATS to my good friend Donna Andrews on being named a 2026 MWA GRAND MASTER!!!

I thought about starting an Introverts Club but was afraid nobody would come to the meetings!

Reality is going to put us fiction writers out of business.