I am watching the thriller Eagle Eye, which appears to be set in a parallel world where everybody is involved in a competition to be crowned the world's biggest fucking idiot.

Unfinished Sympathy. The absolute definition of “banger” #totp

"TOTP 1978 featuring Darts". Balance is restored to the world. #TOTP

Shaun: Great soundcheck, lads. When do we go live? Director: Errr.... #totp

Scott Mills on work experience #totp

Number 5 killed my brother #totp

I talked to a psychologist yesterday and found out some weird shit…

I’m not saying work’s tough at the moment but I’ve just visited the dental hygienist and that’s the fun part of my day.

was the spurs stadium built on an ancient indian burial ground?

“Special Envoy for the Shield of the Americas”

I feel like I might be coming out of some Gen X closet admitting I’ve never seen an episode of this. I will make amends.

Obviously, it’d be very funny if Jesus did turn up, look around and say “Bloody hell. This isn’t what I meant at all.”

Just received a message containing the seven most important words in these trying times. “Your case of wine has been delivered.”

*checks watch* Looks like it’s time to scream into the abyss.

I believe this generation’s greatest boffins work for JML. We should get them working on that whole world peace deal.

30 years later and I've still failed to muster up any kind of opinion about Cast. #TOTP

I think I’ve head Perfect Moment more times in 2026 than I did in 1999. This is not the future i dreamt of then. #totp

Will allow myself 5 minutes laughing at Matt Goodwin before the full horrors of the rest of the world come crashing back down around me.

BOB MORTIMER/CHRIS REA/EGG IN THE BATH STORY INCOMING ON ‘WOULD I LIE TO YOU’ ON DAVE.

"Friends" is a beloved American sitcom that aired from 1994 to 2004, following six young adults—Rachel, Ross, Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe—living in New York City. The show explores their friendships, romances, careers, and personal growth over ten seasons.

What's a line delivery you'll never forget?

I wrote about going to the dentist because my life is so glamorous.

“2026 is the year of the horse” The horse:

I wrote about going to the dentist because my life is so glamorous.

No curling on the telly. Not sure what to do. I’m sadly sliding pans along the kitchen floor while I try to get the cats to sweep with the broom. Stupid lack of opposable thumbs.

Elton’s on my telly singing his song about Marilyn Monroe.

*runs in* Predator: Badlands is great fun and I never thought I'd get emotionally over-involved with a Predator as a protagonist. *gets to the chopper*

There’s 3 types of Hans Zimmer soundtracks. The old school Hollywood “duh-duh-duh-dah” ones, the Middle Eastern inspired ones and the ones that go “BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM”

Driver looks annoyed. “No we’re not stopping for McDonald’s”

Andrew in his police cell.

Is there a technology the left is excited about?

Urgh. Pancake Boxing Day. Curried pancake and pancake sandwiches for the next week.

Pancake is a silly name A cake is never flat I cook one and the end's the same It's just an eggy splat.

It’s Pancake Eve. The children have left a plate of flour, eggs, and milk out under the Pancake Tree for the Pancake Fairy to make into some pancakes.

My wife enjoys watching the ice dancing. I spend the whole time going “OH BLOODY HELL!” when someone gets thrown up into the air like I’m their worried dad or something.

GB get a gold medal in Mixed Try Not To Let Gravity Kill You In An Incredibly Messy Way

Off to Ikea. Avenge my death while I dine on meatballs in Valhalla

Daughter at university having a rite of passage.

*cross country skiing relay starts* me: this looks dull *35 minutes later* me: OMG! ANDERSSON HAS FALLEN! THIS RACE HAS JUST BEEN BLOWN WIDE OPEN!

Etsy emails trying to freak me out.

Hi, phone weather notifications. I’m just going to assume it’s raining unless you tell me otherwise, ok?

Are Tim and Ed the hardest working people at the bbc at the moment? That commentary booth must stink.

What movie moment made you exclaim… “THIS IS CINEMA” 🖤

Feels disrespectful to the dehydrated people of Arrakis to do a Dune inspired dance on all that frozen water

Doubles luge. I dunno. It seems both incredibly dangerous and inconvenient.

Feels disrespectful to the dehydrated people of Arrakis to do a Dune inspired dance on all that frozen water

Does Howe show the players pictures of injured puppies at half-time and make them sad or something? #nufc

THAT WAS LIQUID CURLING.