Mmmmm… Zombie soup…

Interesting choice of Beach Boys tracks on Christmas adverts this year. Because when you say “Beach Boys” I think “Christmas”.

Watching a video of Edgar Wright choosing his favourite shots and glad this is in it…

ALL HAIL THE QUEEN

Had a cardiopulmonary exercise bike test at the hospital this morning so it’s the first time my body has released endorphins in over a decade and I can see why people do that gym shit.

No more emails, thanks. That’s spot on.

Reece getting ready for panto season #taskmaster

I just hope the success Joe Wilkinson is having goes some way in making up for being disqualified for incorrectly throwing a potato on Taskmaster.

Doctor: “obviously, there’s a lot going on in you life at the moment, Dave. We need to make sure there’s not too much stress in your heart.” Me: *laughs in 2025*

I say we just move onto making Q movies. Let’s get Q laid!

There’s a chance Men in Black is a perfect movie. But, then, I have been drinking wine while cooking a roast.

If you see this post an album with a motor vehicle on it.

I’ve just watched the original Goldeneye trailer and well done trailer people because they make it look like the greatest film ever made.

Watching Goldeneye. The most Sean Bean movie ever made. He dies TWICE. The UberSean film.

Idea for a cop show with Nick Mohammed as a DCI who consistently gets the murderer wrong but Sergeant Joe Marler steps in to sort things out.

Fireworks are only good when there’s an error with the timing at a big display and they all go off in 11 seconds.

“Live, Laugh, L’oval”

*plays sad La Marseillaise on a kazoo*

Think this was the first single I went into a shop and bought with my own money. Oven Ready Records in Aylesbury. Was definitely more a Young Ones than Cliff fan.

Christ. I could’ve played like that for half the price. #nufc

Football is a stupid sport and I support a stupid team.

I have chosen my Halloween night movies

Well, my favourite costume so far is by an ex-workmate’s 10 year old son who has dressed as Goose from Top Gun complete with head wound.

Close call. Man just sat down opposite me on the train and said “Hello!” Almost replied before I saw the phone in his hand and AirPods in his ears…

I’m going as “receiving an email simply signed ‘Regards’ when the sender normally puts ‘Best Regards’”

It’s odd strangers never say to me “Wow. You look like how I feel.” when they’re feeling well-rested, happy and on top of things.

49 years on this earth and the only product that delivers what’s promised in its adverts is Dreamies. My cats go mad for that shit. Fair play.

The Simpsons predict everything.

Tiredness Level: Just said “I can’t watch a documentary on the Big Bang. It’ll just make me angry that the universe was created.”

Terrible night. Plan was to give eldest a lift to friend’s house, come home, wine and watch a film I’ve been looking forward to for months. Got a puncture on a country road and waited for THREE HOURS for a guy to turn up with a tyre.

So I’m assuming Trump will be hiring out the White House ballroom for weddings and shit. “We can supply the catering and DJ” “Who’s the DJ?” “Kid Rock.” “Nah, we’ll just use Spotify.”

You'll pry these Oxford commas out of my cold, dead, third thing hands

Whenever I’m bored, I’ll stick this on along with Joe Wilkinson’s poem “Hanging About In The Train Station Toilets Naming People’s Penises”

May I suggest my wife and I as the new hosts of Strictly. She can give insightful opinions on the dancing while I just stand there muttering “where do I know him from?” as I drink wine.

Scooby Doo.

Hmmm. Booking tickets to go and see Sugar in May was suspiciously easy.

They’re just phoning in these metaphors now.

Who robbed the Louvre? Right answers only

Just remembered I have a dentist appointment booked for 8am Monday morning because apparently I hate myself.

OMG. I’ve just seen the trailer for Send Help. Rachel McAdams, who I love, Dylan O’Brien who I think is brilliant, directed by Sam Raimi who is a hero. And a lot of blood. I’m in.

For years I avoided ‘About Time’. “Richard Curtis will get time travel wrong” I said. And he does. He sets out the rules of the universe and then IMMEDIATELY BREAKS THEM THE VERY FIRST TIME THEY’RE USED. But I’m drinking wine, watching it again and will be in tears in about an hour’s time.

Play the Bangles. If you have the opportunity, play the Bangles. Always play the Bangles. #totp

My wife is refusing to believe they put lyrics to the Howard’s Way theme tune even while she’s watching Marti Webb singing lyrics to the Howard’s Way theme tune. #totp

My wife and I have just admitted to each other that, when kids, we both thought the guy with the eyepatch was Dr Hook. This, and Wikipedia, have made us feel less alone. #totp

Motherfucker was born in 1982. He knows the square root of fuck all about football in the 80s.

Of course women don't like the Cybertruck. Women only want one thing, and it’s an apple car driven by a dandy worm.

Watership Down

Whenever I see this listed on the telly, for a fraction of a second I think they’ve done a play of Edge of Tomorrow.

"The president gave me a drawing that said 18 inches. Now, whether or not he knows the difference between feet and inches is not my problem. I do what I'm told." "But you're not as confused as him are you? I mean, it's not your job to be as confused as the President."

Wow. Apparently I was working REALLY hard in my twenties.