This is crazy cause she was able to properly diagnose that schools really do make kids hate reading, but it’s not cause the books are old. It’s cause the education system sucks. Kids should in fact read old books. We have too many adults out here who think Harry Potter is peak fiction, no more

I still can’t believe we got both football and the second amendment in the national divorce

I will be excited about new tech once it stops being transparently evil and actually does something that benefits regular people for once

I don’t really do all of that I just use my brain

Now that we’re living in it I can say Wolfenstein 2 does a good job at envisioning what a Nazi ruled America would look like but they missed the part where all the Nazis are also pedophiles

My iPhone has more processing power than all the computers onboard the Apollo mission combined and it still struggles to do a single google search

I give it about a year before one of these tech CEOs pitches what is essentially a pay phone but for the computer “You can find them at any public place in America and all you gotta do is pay $5 per minute to ask ChatGPT how much flour you should use to bake cookies”

AI companies making it impossible for people to afford their fun little distractions might radicalize more people against AI than anything else they’ve done. The people can barely afford bread anymore and now they’re taking our circuses too

Look at my opposition party dawg I’m going to the camps

If I owned a small business and some fuck ass bounty hunter came into my store demanding to see who was in the bathrooms I’d introduce him to Mr Smith & Wesson

Power where I live constantly goes out when it gets too stormy outside and every single time my PS4 screams at me when I turn it back on. It’s not my fault the city won’t bury the power lines!

Fat Tuesday is coming up

The steam engine was invented by a Turkish kebab salesman man so he could more efficiently cook his kebabs. Trains were not how we were supposed to use that

AVGN comic book version vs AVGN cinematic universe version

It’s kind of amusing watching the Elon brand of Nazis try to paint American culture as uniquely from the British isles. If that was true then we wouldn’t have a distinct culture. Our culture would just be British. Without immigrant & indigenous cultures we’re just British people

The E stands for Epstein

Every time a boomer or gen Xer tries to do the “these new generations are soft” thing their phone should deliver an electric shock to dissuade them from posting

Back in my parents’ day success was measured by being able to afford a house in the suburbs and 2 kids. In my day, success is measured by being able to afford a copy of Silent Hill 2 for the PS2

Every time someone says “I was not friends with Jeffrey Epstein we were just at the same conference coincidentally” a week later an email drops where they talk about how excited they are to hang out with their best pal Jeffrey Epstein

It’s not getting talked about much but if you’re around my age your school yearbook photographs probably made their way to Jeffrey Epstein cause the cofounder of Lifetouch, the guys who came to your school to do the photographs, was friends with him

Remember when this guy said Metroid Dread was a bad game cause it didn’t have yellow paint

Do this qualify as the deep cut characters they were talking about? Considering how these guys have appeared in a grand total of 2 games

Yeah maybe don’t give the pedophile nazi who tells children to smash their cheekbones with hammers this kind of attention. Call him a weirdo freak who should be dissected for science and move on

This is what we in the know call “a big fucking deal”. Basically, imagine if Nintendo pulled the plug on the entire Zelda franchise and announced they had no plans for any more Zelda games. Arguably a worse omen for Nickelodeon than the Halo remaster going on PlayStation was for Xbox

I love how they say this shit as if it’s not exactly what everyone wants. The current world order is held up by a cabal of pedophiles who want to rape and pillage and rob and murder until there’s nothing left. I think it should collapse, actually

My foolproof strategy to make annoying accounts leave me alone is to reply to them with Mario 64 goatse. Works every time

I am once again asking Konami to re-release Symphony of the Night

Silent Hill f, Metal Gear Solid Delta, and now new Castlevania. Damn Konami finally remembered they make video games

Man that direct is even more confusing now. Why didn’t they show this?

Oh nice discord is going to be handing all your personal info over to the government. At the same time the government is buying up warehouses across the country for mass incarceration. Yeah that’s not fucking ominous at all

Finding out they’re still making asdfmovie is like being that fisherman who caught a coelacanth

Honestly I just think games should stop working with fucking internet celebrities. It’s practically a rule at this point that every gaming YouTuber instantly becomes a racist pedophile once they reach a certain amount of subscribers

“Clashing ideologies” you guys put a rapist in your game. Like, an actual rapist. An individual who raped and molested their own mother who was suffering from dementia

My congressional representative is rumored to be resigning soon and if he does it’ll cripple the GOP’s ability to pass any bills, but most importantly it’ll put my area on national news for months. The president might tweet about my city.

I’m legit worried that any NSO DS application will force you to spend $90 on a peripheral like the Virtual Boy app did

We could have a whole DEFCON system for it too. DEFCON 5: The President is napping DEFCON 4: The president is in a bad mood today DEFCON 3: The president is beefing with your congressman DEFCON 2: The president has tweeted about your state DEFCON 1: The president has tweeted about your city

Notice how these “clean coal” types would never live next to a coal powered factory or power plant

THIS IS WHAT YOU GET, MY SUPER LASER GORILLA PISS

They tried to hit people with the emotional hook to sell them on a surveillance state subscription service and it disgusted people so badly that at next month’s HOA meetings across America there will be calls to exile all families who refuse to take down their ring cameras

The UK in a single tweet:

If the government randomly announced they were closing airspace in my city for 10 days and then reversed the decision suddenly and without reason I’d be pretty concerned. What the hell was happening that I wasn’t aware of? They usually don’t do that unless something bad happened

“The president may have raped little girls but did you even stop to consider how much money he’s helping the other pedophiles make?”

“Daisy is dying and the Mario Bros have been turned into babies and the only way to save them is by playing tennis” ok

Since when was a rotisserie chicken a “splurge” they sell that shit at Walmart

Yeah I know right. What kind of a nickname is “tick”

Jesus fucking Christ that’s the worst resume I’ve seen in a long time

“We left with all my children” ok uh nobody was asking if you lost a kid on that island so it’s kinda weird you brought it up

I spent half of last year exclusively playing the new Switch 2 games while my backlog of Switch, 3DS, DS, and PS4 games built up so I feel personally attacked by this