My column today is about cheerleaders! I had totally forgotten until I saw these gorgeous sparkly dancers on Strictly. Feeling Christmassy already. www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/0/america...

In today's TV column I'm speculating about Muff Liquor, the Booker Prize and what Sarah Jessica Parker would think of my shoes. www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/0/and-jus...

Is there a register of fraudster phone numbers? Some guy just rang with some nonsense about “your loft insulation”, but hung up when he realised I wouldn’t be easy enough to con. Should I try to put his number on a list somewhere? In separate news, Only Connect is on tonight !

Back writing a TV column after a long break, today it’s about The Thursday Murder Club and my own murderous attempts… www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/0/the-thu...

Only Connect is on tonight! In ten minutes, in fact! Never let it be said I forget to plug the programme when it’s on. On BBC Two, of course.

I think tonight’s episode of Only Connect is the one where I was struggling not to laugh during my introductory remarks. Also I wore black, meaning I appeared legless at the wall (as usual). Oh well, I never claimed to be a professional. (8pm, BBC Two)

Today’s NYT Connections game brought back happy memories of Christmas 2024. Honestly, these coincidences mount up and up.

To celebrate (or, as I call it, CEREBRATE) the return of Only Connect on Monday, my column this week is a little playalong quiz! You can press the buttons and everything. Very high tech. www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/0/only-co...

We are past the mid point of July, the air is warm, the dahlias are flowering. Is it time to start relaxing for the summer, winding down and having some fun? NO IT ISN’T. Only Connect returns Monday night, 8pm on BBC Two.

I’ve been a bit out of touch with poker tournaments the last couple of years (I’ll come back one day!) but happy and excited to see Leo Margets is at the WSOP final table - first woman in decades to get there. Diversity is the spice of life, GL. 💃 💪 🎲

It looks so hot on that court. If I was playing this match against Sinner OR Alcaraz, I swear I wouldn’t win more than one game at the most.

My TV column today details the fantasies I have about women. [WHAT clickbait?] www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/0/tom-hol...

Life advice: never leave your phone microphone on while writing a work email in case you discover AFTER HAVING SENT IT that it took note of a conversation one of your children was having in the background.

How do they get AWAY with this? I mean, however American your accent might be, PRUSSIAN?!

My TV column today contains a verdict on Squid Game and a delicious vegan recipe! Confuse the two at your peril. www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/0/squid-g...

This idea is an abomination.

In my TV column today: a fantastic new Netflix series and some spooky questions about Instagram… www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/0/steve-c...

… or was that just a hurried explanation when the police burst in?

I just rang the Speaking Clock. What a nice voice it’s got at the moment! I was so glad to find it’s still there. Like going to your grandparents’ old house from childhood and finding they’re actually at home.

My column today is about Ben Affleck and J-Lo, in which I attempt to avoid using the phrase “No man can fill her hole”. www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/0/ben-aff...

My TV column today is about a programme that might be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/0/last-on...

What connects Alan Richmond, Thomas Whitmore, Allan Trumbull and Merkin Muffley? My column this week is about… well, if I tell you what it’s about, you’ll have the answer. www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/0/netflix...

Do you feel that Donald Trump is not taken seriously enough? If so, then you’d best avoid Have I Got News For You tonight. 9pm on BBC One; Ian’s guest is Chris McCausland, Paul’s is Janet Street-Porter, and they’ve let me have another go in the host’s chair.

Just seen they’re repeating the “Only Connect Sounds Special” on BBC2 tonight, at 8pm before the University Challenge final. That was a nice episode, I’m glad it’s getting a second airing. But apologies to the visually impaired, who can usually escape our show but have no excuse with this one!

Playing a triv game, my small daughter just said “In science fiction questions, it’s always Darth Vader or Wilf Skyscraper”. I’m so proud. (Her father distraught).

He is now very annoyed that it was only one point below my own category, “Barrel of Laughs.” “One point?” he keeps huffing. “ONE POINT separates Barrel of Laughs from Captain Boring?”

My husband just got challenged by our daughter to complete a quiz in the Beano, “How funny are you?” He scored 4 out of 12, achieving the rank “Captain Boring”.

Just went to see Oliver! in London - what a wonderful show and Simon Lipkin is really *phenomenal*. Reminds me of the night I was meant to star as the Artful Dodger at school but couldn’t due to stage fright. Mind you, I was only 9. Mind you, SO ARE MANY OF THIS WEST END CAST. ❤️

Is it ever okay to manterrupt? In my TV column this week, I’ve been watching ‘The Baldwins’ and thinking about their marriage. www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/0/alec-ba...

I posted about Heresy yesterday when it wasn’t on. Then I forgot to tweet it today when it was. I’m SO bad at social media. Luckily it’s a great programme. Laura Smyth, Ignacio Lopez and Sally Phillips; bet you can’t listen without laughing. www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...

Plenty of oral sex, not many jokes; Towards Zero is like the opposite of my honeymoon. www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/0/agatha-...

The penultimate Heresy has a line-up I’m so proud to announce: Grayson Perry, Desiree Burch and (doing his FIRST EVER radio panel show, in FORTY YEARS of comedy stardom): Ben Elton! All three as wonderful as you’d hope. Do not miss. 6.30pm tonight on BBC Radio 4.

Following yesterday’s column, I’ve received this spam. My usual gloomy trepidation about our communications being overheard and monitored by the mysterious Big Brother of techno-capitalism are tempered by the evidence that at least it got completely the wrong end of the stick.

If I got murdered in a Thai spa resort, at least I wouldn’t have to go to yoga. My TV column today is about The White Lotus, and what other people consider to be “pampering”. www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/0/white-l...

It is a very funny episode of Heresy tonight, with Steph McGovern, Desiree Burch and David Baddiel discussing Dry January, digital money and whether you should tell the woman sitting near you in a restaurant that her husband is texting his mistress from the table. 6.30pm on Radio 4.

Tonight at 6.30pm on Radio 4, it’s Heresy! David Mitchell, Phil Wang and Jo Bunting debate grass, conspiracy theories and whether we’ve had enough Prime Ministers in recent years.

It’s D-Day! Yes, the Grand Final of Only Connect is also the Dth episode! No expense spared, or indeed spent. Join us for the party as two great teams battle for championship at 8pm tonight on BBC Two. Bring your own booze, because I drank all ours. #OnlyConnect #DthEpisode

Excellent!

Not bad for a first attempt! (my Netflix series starts next week)

.. and happy St David’s Day! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

Monday’s Only Connect is the Grand Final, the last in the series and THE 500th EPISODE! To mark the occasion, my TV column this week is a quiz… (sorry about the paywall) www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/0/500-epi...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=hD9p... My lord, imagine if he'd seen a Smartphone.

Heresy is back on Radio 4 at 6.30pm tonight with David Mitchell, Sarah Kendall and Chris McCausland discussing dancing, A.I. and Meghan Markle! And if you'd like free tickets to an *even starrier* recording of Heresy next Monday in London, go here: www.sroaudiences.com/application....

At long last, the wait is over. The all-important #OnlyConnect THIRD PLACE PLAYOFF is tonight at 8pm on BBCTwo.

The new series of Heresy begins tonight on Radio Four! The opening guests are Miles Jupp, Zoe Lyons and Phil Wang. We’ve made three episodes so far and I think they are really funny, sparky shows – hope you enjoy it. 6.30pm, BBC Radio 4

I was DELIGHTED to see a newspaper listing describe last week's episode of Only Connect as "two teams battling to make the third place play-off". The last opportunity to qualify for that key match is TONIGHT AT 8pm on BBC Two. (And whichever team doesn't make it will be in the final).

Next Tuesday at 6.30pm, a new series of Heresy starts on Radio 4! If you'd like FREE tickets to the next recording (evening of Monday 3rd March, in London - pretty amazing guests that night), you can apply here: sroaudiences.com/application....

No, fair enough. Don’t read the piece, just watch the video. This is the closest we’ve yet come to the great 3-2-1. www.thesun.co.uk/tv/33314708/...

OMG I know who the Kingfisher is. Harry indeed! Can’t believe that took me so long. This show just gets better and better. #TheMaskedSinger

Just seen Inside No. 9 Stage/Fright at Wyndham’s Theatre, genuinely one of the best things I’ve ever seen. So clever, funny, surprising, creative and *un-boring*. And I don’t even LIKE scary things! Phenomenal 😱 ❤️