Now more than ever, on this twenty-first night of September, our love must endeavor to change the minds of pretenders. Ba Dee Ya to you and yours.

The tiny DJ in my head started -apropos of nothing- playing “These are the Dave’s I Know” from Kids in the Hall. An hour later, the video popped up on my FYP. So either there is something in the zeitgeist reminding people about the skit, or the algorithm has achieved terrifying new heights.

A shirt is clothing you wear over your skin. A leather jacket is skin you wear over your clothing.

One of my earliest memories of music is hearing my parents play “Axel F” from the Beverly Hills Cop soundtrack on the record player. At age 3 or 4 I did not know what a synthesizer was, but perhaps because of this I was entranced by the sound.

This product was tested on animals and it made them smell dope as hell

How weird is it that hot dogs and chilli dogs are served at the same temperature

My stereo has a feature where you can assign stations and playlists as presets on the front panel, which is why I now have an ESPN JockJams button.

Love and mercy

Had a dream where, in a Bo-Jackson-two-sport situation, Carly Rae Jepsen was both a pop star and had a successful career as a MLB infielder, winning a World Series with the Detroit Tigers. What I’m saying is that to build a better world you must first imagine a better world.

It was silly in the 90’s, but in the year 2025 the concept of Freakazoid is terrifying.

Stan Bush’s “Dare” is the pinnacle of western music and I will broker no argument.

Prince got it.

I feel like purple isn’t enough people’s favorite color. It’s a bad ass piece of the spectrum

Eleven years ago, I made a comment on a Reddit post regarding the implied punctuation in the Mighty Mighty Bosstones’ “The Impression That I Get” and motherfuckers STILL showing up to argue. I think this might be purgatory.

And your pace is slightly faster than theirs

The nightmare: you’re walking on a path and it converges with another. You wind up walking 20ft behind someone else.

Me: DK! Donkey Kong! He's the leader of the bunch, you know him well He's finally back to kick some tail Dentist: what? no, DECAY. Do you even want teeth?

I got a free pair of promotional sunglasses from something called MAN MAYHEM. I don’t know what that is, but I assume it’s like BOY TROUBLE, just dialed up a notch.

Running on four hours of sleep and five cups of coffee, my nervous system doesn’t know which way is up and I’m ready to rock.

Driving back from lunch & the lid popped off my drink and spilled, not on, but just in front of my lap & due to the geometry of the seat the drink ran back and just sort of pooled in my gooch & I was going like 50 w traffic so I couldn’t stop & clean it up so I just had to drive back with gooch tea.

We have college basketball on at work, which is fun because the first game was Cardinals vs Blue Jays and the second game is Cougars vs Cougars.

Whoever devised the $10 PBR should be convicted and sentenced to defenestration.

Spending my afternoon on the DHL tracker app watching the delivery guy drive in large circles around my house. Often getting close, but never making the drop.

Cocteau Twins are like if Enya cut a post-punk album

You can call me a landlocked country in Central Europe spanning much of the Carpathian Basin, because I’m Hungry.

Petition for the NFL to add a wrapping-paper-tube “doonk” sound effect every time someone kicks a ball

Me, a brief bubble of conscious existence floating in an ocean of empty time that stretches out to infinity in every direction: “Sure, I can come in on Saturday to finish up that non-compliance report”

RFK2 is a dink who should be kept far, far away from the reigns of power, but falconry is pretty cool and falconers have done a lot of good conservation work in this country so maybe that’s not the bit we dunk on him for?

A guy just broke his hand on Black Larry’s face, and BL still went on to win the middleweight division. This is truly the sport of kings. #slapfight #blacklarry

I’ve known that competitive slapping was a thing, but I just discovered a televised slap fight league and this must be what it was like to watch the moon landing.

I just downloaded a mobile cat game. In this game you must lure them into your yard with treats and toys so that you can take pictures of them. It is much less predatory than this sounds.

We’re shriiimply Haaaving A wonderful lobsterfest

I am full of Christmas spirit By which I mean drunk on eggnog.

The duality of man:

I drive by a house, festively decorated with strings of red, white, and green lights. My surviving brain cells convene to assess and derive meaning from this observation. A quorum is reached: “These are proud Italians”

One like. I’m casting bangers before swine.

NOBODY: MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS: …Yonic the Hedgehog

Albert Camus observed that the absurdity of humanity's innate desire for meaning in what is an intrinsically meaningless universe is what drives us to conflict with the world around us. I recon that Oreo Coke is of the consequences.

Do the youths know about this? I feel like they need to be made aware.

Post an Onion headline that lives in your head rent-free.

All aboard the thought train: 1. As a parent, I recognize McDonald’s Playplaces to be a public service. 2. Socialize Playplaces 2a. That’s a playground, dummy. 3. The city should build indoor playgrounds. 3a. …that sell iced tea.

A hooded teenager approaches. He hands me a paper bag. Saying nothing, his expression unchanging, he makes eye contact. The bag is missing half my order. In limbo betwixt sympathy and annoyance, I consider my complicity.

I tell myself that the McNuggets are healthier than a cheeseburger. You must allow yourself to entertain certain fictions.

My Son, telling a joke: What are cars made out of? Me: I don’t know, what are cars made out of? My Son: Butts! *aggressive 4yo laughing* I’m taking this kid on the road.

New Mexico, why were you keeping this from us?

Approaching Albuquerque by highway, my wife and I spot the scowling visage of Bryan Cranston dressed in his Walter White persona. “Keep litter out of my territory” he entreats, like a narcotics slinging Woodsy Owl. The brilliance and absurdity strikes us at once, and together we shit.

Petition to make networks add a wrapping-paper-tube “doonk” sound effect every time a football player kicks the ball.

At ten years old, I absolutely would have believed that in the future we would have things called “bot farms” but there is no way you could have convinced me that they wouldn’t be rad as hell.

I understand your point, but I think you’ll find that a closer examination will reveal that a stool is in fact nothing more than a sort of specialized butt table.

In retrospect, the fact that the Butthole Surfers had a top 40 hit should have given us a clue that we were not on the prime timeline.