Trump announced 100% tariffs on imported pharmaceutical drugs. Five days later, he introduced “TrumpRx” to sell drugs directly to consumers, as well as a deal with Pfizer allowing them to avoid said tariffs for three years. Trump is, and always has been, a grifter.

Trump: “I am ordering my Administration to declassify and release all Government Records related to Amelia Earhart.” Yes, people are totally asking for the release of the Earhart files. Hey, while you’re in the “E” drawer, go ahead and grab the Epstein files, too.

In the span of three days, Disney won five Emmys for Andor (a show about resisting fascism) and then suspended Jimmy Kimmel (for resisting fascism).

We used to have smoking sections in restaurants, ashtrays on planes, and cigarette vending machines. But not anymore. Do some people still smoke? Sure. Do fewer people smoke? Yes. Limiting access and availability can reduce overall societal harm. This post is about guns.

Remember the first Trump administration, when Jeffrey Epstein said he was DJT’s “closest friend,” and then mysteriously died in jail awaiting trial? And remember February, when the Epstein client list was on Pam Bondi’s desk, and then mysteriously didn’t exist anymore? Pepperidge Farm remembers.

Me: *burps loudly* Me to my 3yo: Was that you? 3yo: No. I do little burps. Me: I know. I was joking. 3yo: Why did you say that? Me: I was being funny. 3yo: But I’m not laughing. Me: … 3yo: See? I’m not laughing, am I? Me: Uh … no. Sorry.

MAGA appears to be turning on Trump over the Jeffrey Epstein situation. We are deep jn “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” territory here.

BREAKING: The Swamp of Sadness from The NeverEnding Story has endorsed Cuomo

If a ceasefire is declared in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it even count?

Flying Tampa to Yampa today (TPA to HDN) It’s a contender for the funniest-sounding route one can take on United Airlines.

My 3yo: “You have a little boy car. Mommy has a big girl car.” Is she insulting me or my Honda Civic?

Can confirm: Sinners is as good as you’ve heard it is

The word “vacuum” looks like it’s spelled wrong; the fact that it has the letter “u” twice in a row is upsetting.

”Have a TARIFF-IC week, everyone!” -The White House, probably

United Airlines ruined Rhapsody in Blue for an entire generation

No one: Not one person: My 3-year-old: “I TOLD you—I like princesses and unicorns and flowers. And white egrets. And turtles.”

Hey dentists—I don’t need to see my terrifying X-rays. I’ll take your word for it.

The PT Cruiser is the physical manifestation of the music of Big Bad Voodoo Daddy

Them: “Do you play golf?” Me: “Um … mini or maxi?”

Asked my 3-year-old to stop playing the “why” game. Any guesses as to what she said?

Not to yuck anyone’s yum, but the phrase “yuck anyone’s yum” is disgusting

My dog literally stopped to smell wildflowers this morning, which I thought was so charming—and then he peed on them.

We put off swimming lessons for our kid for so long that if she falls in a pool now, she can just stand up.

Everyone who told me to see the movie Sing Sing—you were right. It’s extraordinary.

Going to see the balcony from Romeo and Juliet in Verona is the same thing as trying to find the dentist’s office from Finding Nemo in Sydney

Trying to be more like Roy Kent at the end of Ted Lasso, rather than Roy Kent at the beginning of Ted Lasso.

Remember the movies in the 80s and 90s, when Russians were the bad guys and Americans fought for democracy? Like in Red Dawn? And Rocky IV? And Spies Like Us? And Rambo II? And Rambo III? And Crimson Tide? And Air Force One? And and and

Macaulay Culkin being attacked by bees in the movie My Girl is my generation’s JFK assassination

The number of sentences I start with “I listened to a podcast about…” is embarrassing

Prunes? You mean those big wet raisins? No thanks

I want my accountant to be a Republican because I think they’re better at tax fraud.

A deep-sea anglerfish swims up to the surface, and then dies? And researchers aren’t sure why? Like the ocean has become unlivable and even the fish are trying to leave? I don’t know—seems bad, right?

Wait—it has only been a WEEK?! It’s gonna be a long four years.

Remember when every breaking news alert was absolutely terrifying? Like, did he start WW3 today? We are so back

I never should have sworn off alcohol and misconduct—I could’ve been the Secretary of Defense

Gulf of America has big Freedom Fries energy

Elon Musk is the Henry Ford of our generation (derogatory)

It’s easier to be optimistic when you’re full of pancakes