Hi all, Week 24 of Appraisal starts tomorrow with lesson observations, book checks, homework checks, health and well-being checks, Teacher Standards checks, lasting 12 hours without peeing checks and parallel parking in the staff car park checks. Thanks x

Hi all, The Academy is now an accredited Centre for Overseeing Curriculum Knowledge and a member of the British Association of Language Learning Schools. It’s going to be great to see both the COCK and BALLS logos added to The Academy letterhead. Thanks x

@ashleystorrie.bsky.social happy birthday! 🙂🎁🎂

Hi all, We’re really struggling to find invigilators for the GCSE exams. If you know anyone whose nose whistles when they breathe, farts a lot, wears noisy shoes, is slightly deaf, can’t see very well, and whispers louder than they shout, tell them to get in touch. Thanks x

Hi all, Can we please keep an eye on behaviour in the bus queues. Yesterday, there were more complaints about pushing, shouting, swearing and spitting. Quite frankly, some of the children were horrified by your behaviour. Thanks x

Hi all, Just a reminder that Y11 data is due in tomorrow. Enter the following: Current grade Estimated grade Target grade Residual grade based on shoe size Postcode: nice houses means higher grades Grade if they’d have done any work Grade they’d have got if they’d had a better teacher Thanks x

Hi all, We have cancelled the Year 8 theatre trip after almost all the students pulled out. After the spelling error on the posters was corrected, the students were extremely disappointed to discover that Shakespeare didn’t write a play called The Taming of the Shrek. Thanks x

@mrjamesob.bsky.social I can’t do my bally bottom button up… www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0Nw...

@mrjamesob.bsky.social it’s Spike Milligan’s birthday! Here is his hippopotamus poem: "I'm not frightened of pussy cats, They only eat up mice and rats, But a Hippopotamus Could eat the Lotofus!"

Hi all, As a part of our ongoing updating of the Academy, we’ve decided to get rid of the Library. Unwelcoming, tatty, dark, creepy, unpleasant and smelling of mould, the librarian, Miss Johnson, will be missed by staff and pupils alike. Thanks x

Hi all, As a part of our ongoing updating of the Academy, we’ve decided to get rid of the Library. Unwelcoming, tatty, dark, creepy, unpleasant and smelling of mould, the librarian, Miss Johnson, will be missed by staff and pupils alike. Thanks x

Hi all, Just to let you know that we are not taking part in the government’s Free Breakfast Club Scheme. We have looked at the rooming, staffing and the number of children we’d have to involve and we’ve realised that there’s no financial profit in it for us. Thanks x

Hi all, Our Well-Being Lead thinks the reason so many of you were dreading returning to The Academy is because you have a terrible diet and don’t do enough exercise. Therefore, when you arrive tomorrow, you’ll get an apple and be forced to run 8 laps of the sports field. Thanks x

From the archive…

Hi all, Year 11 GCSE Speaking Exams start today. Coincidentally, this is also the day they start work building the new extension to the science labs, the resurfacing of the Sports Hall car park, the KS3 yodelling competition and they’ll be cutting the grass on the football pitches, too. Thanks x

Hi all, Just a reminder about The Academy Dress Code. Yesterday, Mr Johnson Head of PE, came to an SLT interview dressed in just a T-shirt and very short shorts. This is not really acceptable for an Assistant Headship in The Academy, although we did admire his balls. Thanks x