I'm from Florida, so my respawn point is the closest Publix.

"Why are you wearing a kilt?" "Because pants were invented for riding horses and I don't see any horses around here."

Periodic reminder that being a bagpiper involves more trips to the hardware store than you'd imagine

If you replace the last line of the first verse of "Battle Hymn Of The Republic" with the corresponding line from "Solidarity Forever" it sound like the workers are going to fight God. "...He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword: But the union makes us strong."

Chaotic Context-Free Quote of the Day courtesy of Rita, regarding me: "What's the best politically sensitive way to put this? You're the king of the assholes."

Controversial opinion on Brazilian steakhouses. Everyone says, focus on the steaks, don't fill up on side dishes. Dude, do NOT sleep on the salad bar. That was honestly the best part.

Out of Context Quote of the Day: "Step 1 is to find some Ibuprofen, step to is... wait.. why is my goatee sticky?"

If you were staying in an Orlando resort and awoken by the sound of bagpipes at 2AM, I would like to apologize. Whisky might have been a factor.

I drink instant coffee about twice a year. Today was one of those days.

I mean it's crazy, we finish each other's... ..jello shots.

Final Day of the conference: I gave a 5 minute presentation on how to grow a mustache. Again, this is a transportation infrastructure design conference

"Does your presentation involve a drone?" I was asked by an engineer. "As a matter of fact, it involves three drones." I replied

The number one reason I do weird shit is to serve as an example that it's okay to do be yourself and do weird shit if you want to. Anyways, I'm about to start a presentation at a transportation design conference by playing the bagpipes

It was years ago, my first trip to a Ren Faire, upon seeing the fauns and satyrs that I realized I'm pansexual.

Context Free Quote: "You can't squeeze Dr. Pepper out of a squirrel" (Koleton)

What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin? Pectin.

I'm allergic to my cats. But I work from home, and don't get out much. As a result, I'm allergic to humans, too. This post brought to you by a combination of Benadryl and other stuff, in collaboration with the Hat Man.

Flying to Detroit for some reason.

Flight canceled. I'm (stuck) in Boston another night. Options include: 1. Spending $970 for a flight with 2 layovers to get me home in the next 24hrs. 2. Flying from Worcester to Ukraine, which is an awful idea because who wants to go to Worcester? 3. Stringing up a hammock on Boston Common

Someone in Boston said that I don't have an accent. I have succeeded in developing an accent so neutral that no one can tell where in from. Except that guy from Kentucky last night.

Fencing Tournament update. In May, I won 3rd place. Yesterday, I thought that would be an unachievable goal to set for myself. I did now win 3rd place yesterday. I won 2nd place.

Apparently the occasional thirst trap gets me attention

For reasons I can't explain, the Microsoft Teams ringtone always gets "Stay" by Lisa Loeb stuck my head. I mean, I can explain, but it would make me sound crazy.

My last post has way more likes than usual. Is it because it's a kilt? Is it because it's queer? Is it because it's a thirst trap? I've gotta know.

Got five yards of fabric? Is it rainbow colored? Gay great kilt!

I once heard the bagpipes described as an instrument where your lungs are on the outside. I assure you that is not true. Your lungs are on the inside, the outside and everywhere all at once.

We are weeks away from "Where did I throw my hoodie when I got home" season. This week be followed by two weeks of "I guess I should hang that back up since I don't need it" season Then "seriously, where did I pit my hoodie" season

It's funny how someone can be gone for 3 years, but it feels like just yesterday and at the same time a whole decade ago.

I did not heckle the preachers at Pride with my bagpipes. They were disappointingly joyless and low effort. It wasn't worth it. I felt bad for them. Instead I'm at Morningside Pub on the patio playing Pink Pony Club on pipes

*Googles the phrase "are bagpipes louder then a bullhorn?"* Cool. Taking my pipes to the Pride festival to look for those preachers.

As a bagpiper, why is the hardware store my solution to so many bagpipe-related issues? Is it just me?

The book 2001: A Space Odyssey was written concurrently with the production of the film. I think that's very novel. Pun intended.

They say when you have a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail. What if instead of a hammer, you have bagpipes?

How do we as musicians get people to start listening to albums again? Like the whole thing start to finish, in context. I miss concept albums and the rise and fall of a well-thought-out sequence of songs

Correct me if I'm wrong, but we fought for $15 minimum wage for 20 years. Inflation caught up and they tricked us into thinking we won. We should be fighting for $50 minimum wage. We don't want a living wage, we want a thriving wage. We fight for bread, but we fight for roses too.

I need all of my friends to let me know the next time they're about to have guacamole. As an ordained minister, able to bless water, it only now occurred to me that I can literally make "Holy Guacamole!"

My bagpipes arrived today. Yes, they are loud like a tree full of jackhammers. Yes, although the sound was loud enough to frighten me, it did thoroughly stir something dormant in my blood. (I mean, what bloodborne substance could sleep through that sound?)

When you own a VW, it's refreshing when the mechanic says that a part is "only $80." Yeah, just go ahead and add that to my already $1400 repair bill.

Does ChatGPT end every interaction with a pun, or is it just me? The only ethical use of AI is generating pithy replies to homophobic insults on TikTok... ...and puns. Puns are an ethical use of AI as well.

Hot Take: The phrase "pants suit" to describe certain types of women's businesswear is a misnomer. Every suit that men wear is also a "pants suit."

May your favorite loaf always be on sale. May you always find the seasonal bouquet on special at your grocer's floral department. And if these two mean anything to you, then may your point control be surprisingly accurate

The only ethical use of AI is asking for help in preparing for a rock, paper, scissors tournament. Wish me luck. #thankschatgpt

Anyone: This thing makes me upset. This is so messed up. Why does it have to be this way? Me: Because capitalism.

I'm just waiting for the tweet that is inevitably going to say "... and we're going to put frivlcking laser beams on the alligators' heads" Thanks. I hate it.

My ADHD brain reminded me tonight if a delightful conversation I once had with a dear friend: Me: I saw this jam band. I can't recall the name. It was like Warby Parker or... Friend: Umphrey's McGee! Me: That's the one!

I don't understand fancy gourmet ice cream sandwiches. Nothing will ever beat the cheapest store brand basic ice cream sandwich.

I hugged a roller derby player tonight who then apologized for being sweaty. That's no reason to not hug. I hug my guy friends. I hug my sweaty guy friends. I hug my stinky, sweaty, disgusting guy friends and I tell them I love them. Hug your gross sweaty friends.

Just heard an airport announcement where the staff didn't even try to pronounce the name: "Attention passenger last name ... skrrschrrggrrr.

If you bumped into me in New Orleans last night, that was not me. But I'd like to know more about the interaction

The Biltmore Estate is such a clever scam. Build a giant luxurious mansion and then charge people to come see your house. For $5 you can come over to my place, and unlike the Biltmore, I'll let you sit on the furniture