mm, your resume says you’re an “AI prompter”. without prior artistic experience, I can infer that you’re also excellent at sleeping and having diarrhea. anyway, not gonna hire you. I can’t trust you around our employees because you seem like a rapist

people not reading isn’t new. if people read more in the late 90’s, we could’ve avoided nü metal

Timothy Chalmers in the new hit film Big Ol Marty Guy

Can’t wait to meet an AI bro irl and have to pretend to take them seriously for a minute

writing a movie called Canon and you have to take it seriously

Sacha Baron Cohen’s most impressive role imo

just lost another close friend to marijuana, he scromited until his head fucking exploded all over the place, it was awesome

2025 was such a [redacted] year, we should do it over

new years resolution

“I LIKE TO HAVE FUN!!!!” he shouted from the rooftops with a red bull in his ass

Washed Unc? Chopped Unc? Now add the seasoning and put it in the oven to broil the Unc

Anaconda: a film about a HUGE DICK (The snake is a total douchebag)

OOF: Blitzen Has Been Implicated In The Epstein Files, Will Not Fly In Support Of Santa Tonight

Jake Paul not taking the loss well

My 10 year old got sick of coloring something and asked Nano Bananaaand we drove off a cliff

WHAT if the president slip on a banana peel.. I bet their’d be a lot of LIBBERELS CHEERING IT ON and being GAY !!

The masculine urge to jAKC OFF ALL THE TIME

Other people’s vague tweets: I guess I’ll be sad for many years to come, don’t @ me My vague tweets: ew gross a bunch of crap

AI idiots think they’re underdogs while in sycophantic alignment with actual greedy billionaires, the dumbest dumbfuck timeline

me being youthful and normal with my large bag of thick orange piss

cannot get this word out of my head “plonkers” where tf did I see this word

Someone on here said something about jake paul thinking something and I’m just over here like yeah right, he doesn’t do that

I hope everyone learns to spell Mamdani’s name correctly in the new year

a frail nation patiently awaits the president’s statement on bowen yang

Just did a double-take, I could’ve sworn this was The Beatles™️

guy you thought looked endearing and approachable, despite the Hitler mustache, is now standing over you shouting “your glucometer won’t save you now !!!!”

my god how did we blow our noses before AI??

Bring a silicone breast implant to your next board room meeting and play with it on the table like a cat while visibly intoxicated. I promise you’ll look like an ass and get fired

perfectly reasonable that a person could smell like sulfur and not be a demon, in my opinion

Another incredible ad for veneers has hit my timeline

guy who lives for the bullshit, just wakes up every single day spry and ready, salivating for more bullshit, blood flowing, twinkle in his eye, licking his lips for another 24 hours of bullshi

Ass, meet TURBO ASS™️ Rated R Bi tchh

alright we get it sean penn

You think I’m some kind of fool? Do I look like the kind of guy who goes around believing in moon landings willy-nilly?? Am I a clown to y

Pedro Pascal has come out as a beloved Hollywood actor

gonna be SO annoyed if erika kirk turns out to be the antichrist

I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I’ve decided to start screaming

At its core, comedy is about communication. It has to mean something. There’s a reason they say “comedy comes straight from the ass”

MAGA sobbing watching their god perform the weakest coin toss in history

(opening page of a novel) I’ve always felt a certain kinship with motherfuckers

In 2026 there will be some sort of AI-coordinated ‘heaven’s gate’like cult and, while tragic, we’re gonna think it’s a little funny

Erika Kirk is AI pass it on

Found an account called Bulbous Forehead, laughed immediately, but when I went to explore - no forehead !! I want to know more about the bulbous forehead!!!!!!!!!!!

bludgeoning sounds bad, everyone take note: Avoid bludgeons

commenting “I understood that reference!” and the pic is this

Dear MAGA, ‘splain

What if, like, a BUNCH of Santas came down your chimney? What the FUCK would you do??

Incels need to quit ‘groyping’ and start ‘groping’ (consensually)

donald trump is a hack alright there I said it

In a bid to revive the randomness and whimsy of the mid-2000’s, my buddies and I have embarked on a mission to break Joe Exotic out of prison for no reason whatsoever