Haven’t been trusting people with ABSURD amounts of money for YEARS So this ain’t new 🤷🏾‍♂️

The greatest trick the Devil has ever pulled is putting a dispensery next to a police vehicle fueling station

Listen here, you fucks: Prometheus isn’t getting his liver eaten for all of eternity just so that y’all can say everything is 🔥 all the time

Fuck a Zodiac sign I wanna know your build on Elden Ring

The Swine Flu is when a cop gives you a cold before they shoot you

Fuck an orgy, if I wanna disappoint multiple people at once, I’ll just sign up for a comedy open mic

We about to get Civil War II before we get GTA VI

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” - a recovering alcoholic with withdrawals

Wanna know how old I am? I tried to charge up my power levels, but my knees said “Naaah….”

Don’t let people who have to hide from Rent-A-Center tell you that you can’t dip your wings in blue cheese

Scheduling a vasectomy, prostate exam and colonoscopy all together is called “fixing up the basement”

You guys. My younger coworker said that this other coworker was a glutton because he couldn’t eat gluten

I just need one night of ratchet ass problematic 2000s hip hop and rnb Then I’m good

You know it’s a good day when you don’t have to spend any money