Original: Not all those who wander are lost. MapQuest: Some wander. Some drift. Some drift into curbs.

Parallel parking: where confidence goes to die.

Y2K childhood didn’t teach financial literacy, but it did teach us to clench our jaw through a 3-hour detour.

January has the energy of missing the exit and committing out of spite.

Your high beams are not a personality.

If you had time to cut me off, you had time to use your blinker.

Some of you treat lanes like suggestions and rules like rumors.

If you’re lost and defensive, that’s a you problem.

Confidence is not the same thing as knowing where you’re going.

If you’re lost today, that’s okay. So is everyone else.

New Year’s Eve is just one last bad decision before January.

If confidence were accuracy, you’d be there by now.

Miss a turn? That's on you.

If you “know a better way,” why are we still here.

Winter driving is 90% focus and 10% pretending you’re calm.

"I literally showed you the route.” — Magellan, after one wrong turn"

Christmas magic is believing the route will be faster this year.

Respectfully, if Santa needs directions, so do you.

If confidence was fuel, half of you would still be out of gas.

Your blinker isn’t decorative.

We don’t do impulsive rebrands. Ask the Gulf of Mexico.

“Too many drivers. Not enough directions.” — basically the Vanity Fair article in a nutshell.

“It’s about the journey.” — Someone who has never been stuck behind a tractor

Look, I can handle heartbreak — but black ice? Absolutely not.

My intern just asked if I “grew up without internet.” No, I grew up with dial-up, which is worse.

All I want for Christmas is to not sit in traffic.

Some of you never printed directions to the mall at 4 a.m., and it shows.

There’s no GPS route for avoiding political conversations at dinner. We checked.

You call it “detour.” We call it “the plot twist.”

Blinkers exist. Use them. This isn’t improv.

I brake because I want to.

If you’re tailgating me, I assume it’s because you need directions.

We were the first app powered by pure audacity.

I fold like a professional

They stopped minting pennies, but that crumpled MapQuest page in your glovebox? Immortal.

"still punk as ****" I whisper as I print my directions

We can’t fix your life, but we can tell you where you missed the turn.

I swear our password isn't mapquest

Turn signals: the original “I care about others” button.

Are we there yet?

Even we can’t recalculate if no one’s driving. Go vote.

Honk if your last nerve hit a pothole.

You weren't lost. You were just committed to the bit.

Apple’s adding ads to their maps. Cute. We’ve had those since gas was $1.47. Thanks for the retro cosplay, follower.

Some people go for a drive. Some people bulldoze federal architecture. We all cope differently, I guess.

We used to burn mix CDs for road trips. Now I just burn out.

When the internet crashes, paper maps just laugh softly from the glovebox.

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they do make a story your mom will bring up for the next 20 years.

If you don’t remember printing directions, are you really old enough to drive?

Me every time someone says “MapQuest still exists?"