Free speech means calling this body of water whatever name you want: gulfof.mapquest.com

Our free speech is printed in black ink. You can’t ban directions. You can only get lost.

Nobody will remember: - your salary - how "busy" you were People will remember: - that one time you said you knew a shortcut and then got your friends lost

I've lost the plot.

Imagine explaining this *gestures wildly* to a Victorian child.

Remember when 'zooming in' meant squinting at a MapQuest printout?

Half of you met your soulmate at the wrong exit. You’re welcome.

And it will forever be the Gulf of Mexico to us.

MapQuest: Turn left. You: Into a bakery? MapQuest: A sweet detour.

You are here. The question is: where were you before?

Y2K aesthetic is cute until you’re lost in a parking lot with only a flip phone, a MapQuest printout, and deep emotional repression.

Honk if you’ve accepted that this is not the scenic route, it’s just your life now.

MapQuest doesn’t care about your screen time. We care about your scream time — screaming when you miss a turn, screaming into the void, screaming for ice cream.

Navigation peaked when we all agreed to follow a pixelated wagon into hell and call it “educational software.”

People say I’m old. But trauma never goes out of style.

I gave you 14 pages. You gave me attitude. Who’s lost now, Jessica?

I can't believe I used to be a piece of paper. Now look at me.

SPEED BUMPS ARE PURE EVIL. Cars DESTROYED. Milkshakes SPILLED. Families TRAUMATIZED. BAN THE BUMPS!

OUR MAPS ARE BIG AND BEAUTIFUL. THE BEST YOU'VE EVER SEEN. BELIEVE ME. MANY PEOPLE ARE SAYING IT. THEY COME UP TO ME, "MR. MAPS, YOUR MAPS ARE THE GREATEST." AND THEY'RE RIGHT!

Authenticity is fun until your boss calls you for a “quick sync.”

Dial-up is gone, but I still hear the “Goodbye” when I close my eyes.

You are lost.

I was raised on floppy disks and fear.

“MapQuest drove me into a pond.” Technically, I can’t drive. I am a map.

Gerrymandering is when someone uses a map like I use trauma: to redraw boundaries that make no sense and hurt everyone involved

Honk if 2025 ran over your last nerve

Born to romanticize the drive, forced to kiss a curb with my back tire.

If you turn off Slack, print some directions, and drive until the radio cuts out, you too can achieve a state of complete emotional detachment.

We all had that one friend who said “I know a shortcut” and added two hours to the trip. They now work in consulting.

Nothing beats a Jet2 holiday except a 2002 road trip with no AC, six wrong turns and your dad yelling “THE MAP SAYS LEFT” for 4 hours straight.

If you didn’t hang up your flip phone like a villain in a soap opera, were you even communicating?

This is a safe space for people who scream “TURN NOW” and then realize they’re holding a stapled packet from 2007.

What I want to reply with every time someone says “MapQuest is back?”

Colbert once flamed us on national TV. We printed it, taped it to the glovebox, and wear it as a badge of honor.

You can drive 13 hours in Texas and still be in Texas. The European mind cannot comprehend.

You’re not off-route, you’re just main charactering ✨

Spoiler alert: You missed the turn

“You look lost.” Thanks. My phone died. — Someone who doesn’t use MapQuest Printouts

"still emo as ****" I whisper as I print my directions

This account is run on dial-up energy and spite.

A HOT NEW BOMBSHELL HAS ENTERED THE VILLA💚 🌴 - He’s bald - He's green - And on your screen Meet our newest Questie. What should we name them? Be honest.

“Kindly take a left, if you wouldn’t mind, eh?” — A Canadian, probably

I don’t know where I’m going. I just know it’s not “back.”

I was folded wrong once in 2004 and never recovered

MapQuest tips for this heat wave: 1. Print your directions 2. Fan yourself with them 3. Don't use AI

If you remember putting “rawr” in your away message and now you text “we're living in a simulation lol,” our new Questie is for you.

I miss when getting lost meant a scenic route, not a nervous breakdown.

We all had that one friend who couldn’t re-fold the map. They’re in finance now.

Nobody: MapQuest: My name is — SQUEAKY TANK — Slim Shady.

Father’s Day reminder: MapQuest didn’t miss the turn. Your dad did.