Anyone seen my Son Uppie? He is about half the size of 6’6 man and has brown hair and is wearing clothes. #Crotchytheconjurer #Uppie #Missingperson #magic #wizard #spellcasting

Cheese cake recipe

Bees churger

Someone just sent me this image of me cursing that bitch Bethany at #McDonalds I must say I look mighty Thick today with my belly rolls. #Crotchytheconjurer #mage #Curses #wizard #Magic #forbidden #Spells #Thecursethatmakesfatchicksgocrazy #MILF #BONELESS

Anyone know the incantation for the spell that summons beautiful Taiwanese women looking for visas? #Crotchytheconjurer #Spell #magic #incantation #blackmagic #wizard #Relationship #Singlebutmarried #Taiwan #Ladyboys #ASAP #Forbiddenspell #Visa #Aidscrisis

Great Conference last night done some pixie dust with a good pal of mine @audibun.bsky.social who is not only skilful in the art of Botany but also a great supplier of pixie dust. #crotchytheconjurer #pixiedust #magic #wizard #Conference #spells #Botany #darkmagic #Drugs #ThebestWizard #Mastermagic

Currently in a conference for all the Wizards in North America with Vermin supreme as a guest speaker. #Crotchytheconjurer #Wizard #magic #Conference #Verminsupreme #spells

Got some potions brewed up if anyone needs some be warned I don’t label shit so it’s a gamble. Im pretty sure I have a potion to cure cancer and maybe one that can give you erectile dysfunction. Im at the Miles Marker, 263 Florida Orlando. #crotchytheconjurer #Magic #potions #wizard #Florida (pic)

Family picture of me, my fat fucking pregnant wife Elaine the witch and Uppie. #Crotchytheconjurer #magic #family #wizard #Witch #pregnant #familypicture

Sorry I didn’t post yesterday I was in another dimension fighting a gnome named Nimble-finger Mcgregor. That bitch stole my magical bag of Wizard Weed then I got detained by Dimensional security. (Pic of me being detained) #crotchytheconjurer #Dimensionalsecurity #Wizardweed #FuckGnomes #magic

Just found this sick fucking shirt in a bathroom stall in a Gas station near my lair. If it’s yours you are not getting it back it now has my smelly water funk to it. #crotchytheconjurer #wizard #freeshirt #Crotchyforpresident2029 #magic #singleandreadytomakesomesweetsweetdwarvenlovetooldladies

Just found out that apparently Costco don’t accept Dwarves as payment I mean what has this economy become if an upstanding wizard like myself can’t pay for 20 boxes of Cheese balls with three strong Dwarves. CURSE YOU US ECONMY!!!! #Crotchytheconjurer #Costco #Magic #DwarvenSlaves

Bout to destroy the #Gastationbathroom toilet by blowing mud out my third eye (I have sever diarrhoea after drinking a funky potion I got from my friend Glen the glitter man) #crotchytheconjurer #magic #diarrhoea #Glentheglitterman #Wizardshits #wizard

Just little cheeky pic before I transcend time and become one with magic. #crotchytheconjurer #magic #wizardweed #wizard #gonnabecomegod

After that magic battle I have finally secured the witch piss! Soon I will have my hands on the Wizard weed. #Crotchytheconjurer #magic #witch #wizardbattle #Witchpiss #Gasstation #Wizard #WizardWeed

I WIN! #crotchytheconjurer #witchpiss #magicbattle #Winner #magic #witch

Bout to burn this witch for her piss

Anyone seen Dave the magical cheese wizard? He owes me 35 large. If anyone has seen him let me know. If you are reading this Dave I have taken your familiar Sponge and will be teaching him dark spells (Here is a pic of that fat fucking cat) #Crotchytheconjurer #wizard #Gasstationbathroom #magicspell

Anyone know of any good spots to find Wizard weed? #crotchytheconjurer

I don’t get it are Americans just really really dumb I mean why did they elect an orange and not the banana into office #USA #elections #wizard #crotchytheconjurer #orangevsbanana

Bout to curse that bitch who only gave me 19 chicken nuggets and not 20 (pic of me looking cool) #crotchytheconjurer #curses #mcdonalds #bethany #Wizard #magic #prettyflyforawizardguy

Where is John Belushi I would like to fist fight him in a Dennys parking lot he has 24 hours to respond to this Wizard duel if not he then forfeits his wife to me #Crotchytheconjurer #Wizard #Dennys #wizardduel #gasstationbathroom

Who would like to smoke some wizard Hash (old women only please)

Who ever liked my posted I have blessed you with a spell you can thank me later ps it’s a pregnant pigeon

#promosky My interests are: 🪄Gas station bathrooms 🪄Wizardry 🪄aids crisis 🪄magic 🪄potions 🪄Dabloons 🪄fantasy 🪄being a father of dwarves 🪄Magical herbs *wink wink* 🪄starting a rebellion against evil 🪄Dog food 🪄Wizard clothes 🪄Balls (Of the cheese variety) 🪄old women 🪄witches

I have done shit my magical wizard pants. Does anyone know of a good wizard dry cleaners?