I remain convinced that one of the best parts of being an adult is the ability to say, at 3am, "I wish I had a quesadilla," and then make a quesadilla.

This week I'm wrestling with the realization that someone likely weaponized my empathy and integrity for their own benefit, while having none of their own. What's giving you hope in disappointing moments these days?

Small joy in my life: this year all my tomatoes are producing, instead of just the sweet 100s. Slicing, paste, and snacking. I also got a ripe bell pepper AND an handful of shishito. What are your small joys these days?

It's not throwing the grape tomatoes in the back yard because they're about to spoil. It's a little Easter egg hunt for the possums. I'm *contributing* to their *enrichment*.

I am realizing that the greatest barrier to leadership is a need to be liked, to find approval. You can never fully lead in community unless you're willing to be disliked for doing the right thing. It's just really hard to tell the difference between the unpopular right thing and the voice of ego.

Lately I find myself looking at the way people engage and communicate, and wondering "What is your intent? What are you trying to accomplish, and can you explain how this thing you are doing serves that intent?" Been trying to be more mindful myself of using my words effectively and intentionally.

I don't know what it means that I am so faceblind with humans that I will introduce myself five times to the same person, but I know which possum is which on the wildlife camera.

Recently I was reminded of how often a man will lose control of his emotions, and people in the room will look for a woman connected to him, expecting her to get him under control: mother, girlfriend, wife. When a man's instability makes you feel unsafe, how easily do you sacrifice a woman to it?

Today while giving a training, the following came out of my mouth: You cannot yell with empathy. It took voicing it aloud in that context for me to realize how deeply it's a core belief of mine. I'm sure some folks are already thinking "Well ACTUALLY," and, well, actually, I don't care.

Challenge for today: remember that community is a thing we build together, not a thing others build for you, and find a way to create space for connection yourself. You get bonus points if you practice affirmative gatekeeping to ensure the people who need that community can feel safe there.

I started taking pottery classes. It's been a great exercise in "set aside time to be fully immersed in physical creativity," and also in "embrace the failure of accidentally ripping the head off a little bowl you're making, because the clay isn't wasted, it's just meant to be something else."

As more and more friends shift social media platforms, I'm curious: How do you curate your inputs? What is the filter for what gets into your feed, and what have you learned about cultivating community from previous platforms' flaws and failings? Are you being intentional?

Whatever 2024 brought you, may 2025 bring you better. I wish you abundant joy, delicious food, steadfast friendships, sincere love, and the chance to appreciate genuine moments of beauty. Bonus points if you share those things with others.

My last post mentioned New Year's Resolutions, so I thought I'd share what I do instead.

You may be considering New Year's resolutions. If you are, remember the following: 1. You are enough as you are 2. Your resolutions should serve you first, and others at your leisure 3. Spite is a perfectly fine motivator for personal improvement 4. There is no reason you can't make them for evil

Every relationship should benefit you. It should provide joy, support, comfort, stability, love, growth, SOMETHING that leaves you better for the connection. Today I offer you the opportunity to step away from things that tax you without giving you anything, and do so without guilt or shame.

Today's challenge is forgiveness. Find a way to release some hurt or anger done to you in the past and move forward. You don't have to tell anyone they're forgiven if you don't want to, because this is for you. Bonus points if you find a little grace for Past You along the way.

I grant you this Floof of Peaceful Contemplation.

I took a day to reflect on my professional goals and progress over the last year. I've made good and bad choices, but I'm proud to say I've focused on finding solutions. Today I hope you're able to keep moving forward on your goals and dreams. Bonus points if you solve a few problems on the way.

Some days it's good to challenge yourself, set big goals, and load up the to do list. Today doesn't have to be one of those days. Today, you should make a point of seeking out and thoroughly enjoying something delicious. Bonus points if you share it with someone special.

There is something that you do well enough that sharing it with the world is a gift well worth giving. For the next 24 hours, I wish you the power to see what unique and precious thing you have to offer. Bonus points if you use that knowledge to help someone.

Today is Small Business Saturday, a practice based in the idea that even in a capitalist hellscape your choices can have *individual* impact. For the next 24 hours, whatever your hellscape, choose for individual impact. Bonus points if it supports your friends' success.

As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.

The dark half of the year also contains a lot of spaces where grief can surprise you. When you're healing, milestones can be minefields. Hold space in the coming season for your heart to honor traditions of the past, embrace complexity of the present, and build the path for your future.

For the next 24 hours, consider replacing your doomscrolling and ragescrolling habits with humanity. Instead of flipping past small details of people's lives to read things that make you seethe or despair, stop and savor the relationship. Bonus points if you take a moment to connect and encourage.

Spent time clearing dead plants out of my garden to let the soil rest this winter. Today, be willing to ask yourself if there are things in your life that aren't thriving or helping you thrive, and if you're ready to release them. You get bonus points if releasing them creates space for recovery.

Been thinking about the best use for this space. I lean to curating my social media pretty carefully so that what I put into the brain-hopper is good quality, so I'm trying to be intentional. So far I've been using it to share roughly-daily blessing/challenges, and will likely keep doing that.

Yesterday I took a little break from most of my social media to rest my brain. Today I hope you can take a little break to rest what you need. You get bonus points if you take a break before your breaking point.

For the next 24 hours, I grant you the Secret Superpower of initiating things that are usually difficult for you: phone calls, hard conversations, projects that feel overwhelming, anything you need. You get bonus points if you've put it off more than three months.

For the next 24 hours, if a nice or kind thought crosses your mind, you should say it. Bonus points if you offer encouragement to someone you can see is outside their comfort zone.

This is your periodic reminder to do something in the next 24 hours that delights and amuses you, or something that confuses and annoys your detractors. You get bonus points if you do both.

I wasn't on the bird site (you know the one) but I'm giving this one a shot. If you're someone I know from elseweb who's dropped in to follow, let me know who you are so we can all find each other!