Sometimes your teachers will tell you that you got to the right answer but took the wrong route. If you ever feel they're just giving you a hard time, remember this: bananas are radioactive and yes you will die of food poisoning if you eat too many.

I was recently asked to stop monkeying around, a phrase which deeply confused me. After 3 days and nights of uninterrupted thinking, I decided the phrase made no sense so I threw some fruit at them to protest in the most unambiguous terms. Cordially, the Monkey King.

Your hobbies and interests rule. Mine govern.

In this world there are fun bets and then there are those bets you make with your own body after digesting a burrito.

It seems during my absence over the past few centuries humanity has learned to grant geese their proper place in the order of things. Good!

I think back to this video quite often, as I rarely see a better demonstration of fox www.youtube.com/watch?v=GegN...

I now have the skill to attempt making crepes and mess it up in a recoverable way, rather than unsalvageable. You know, like the difference between an injured dog and an injured horse. I hope all of my skills reach the injured dog tier.

Half of life is your perspective on things. The other half is your perspective on cats.

If you're not gonna be balanced, you will probably end up patched.

When the zombie apocalypse comes I want my first words to be "we need to lock in" and honestly if you can't match my energy take the other car.

People kept saying to buy the dip so I found myself this most excellent aioli and my life has improved as a result. I think I understand profit, finally.

It is always possible for negativity to corner a reasonable, logical man. To admit you are defeated by your circumstances is to be reasonable. But the negativity in your mind will always be afraid of the reasonable man who will keep rising despite all reason, and without it. I am the one they fear.

I salt my pasta water like an italian pirate whose true love is the sea.

If you ever have diarrhea just remember: switching to your second toilet is always faster than flushing.

It is a grim day today, one of the rare times I need to change my mind about something I said. Please don't reach for the low hanging fruit, humans. If you're working together with others, mess up and then blame them, it's not a good fruit to grab. I don't like children.

My promise as king is to provide food to my people. It sounds like this is all I need to do to be a good king these days. To the foxes I also promise entertainment, though. Because I care.

I am contrarian enough that I find contrarians boring. True rebellion is contentment.

The unspoken truth of this world is that having a crow familiar would automatically put you above everyone else. To think people compete for money and fame, poor lost souls. I compete for crows.

It's called mexican, not mexican't! I'm putting eggs in my guacamole.

Don't confuse the waves that shake your boat with your goal. Yes you may need to turn back, yes you may need to change your goal or your boat, but never go thinking that each wave coming your way is now your goal, or all you will do is float and forget.

People have told me I have a superiority complex, which was confusing to me because there's nothing complex about it, it's very simple. Well, maybe I'm just smarter like that.

Sure, when people go to haunted houses it's all "fun" and "in the spirit of the season" but when I do it I'm "tresspassing on private property" and "frightening the elderly".

If you don't clog the toilets at a haunted house are you actually getting in the spirit of the season? Where is the horror?

Much like death is unavoidable for mortals, so is the dentist bill. So on this Hallowed Win, make sure you reap the benefits. I recommend the jelly spiders.

If you saw something on the internet, is it because it was true or because it was monetizable?

This week for the first time I decided I'd go out and do grocery shopping like a regular mortal. Only to have people constantly pointing at me and saying something about a hallowed win. Never again!

Remember what I always say: there is no I in blind.

I find video games to be a difficult medium to engage with, because I can't decide if to spend my entire time admiring crows or admiring cats. The burden of choice comes for us all.

I am my own greatest enemy and (un)fortunately my damage dealing ability is great.

POV: Today I decided to try out that "viral" trend and ended up finding out that my life is my own and the people in it are their very own individuals. I think this will make you all very engaged so I decided it's time I talked about it.

I could never be a quartermaster because I'm bad at math and don't do half measures.

Correlation does not equal causation, but just throwing it out there, places where roaches make up the majority of the residents are also the ones that continue to open more pizzerias.

Anytime you wish to channel the infinite wisdom of Sun Wukong, ask yourself what a goose would do, because they have mastered it.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I'm at my 15th pasta serving.

Most everyone wants to have worth in the eyes of others, but it doesn't mean all aspects of yourself should have worth in the eyes of man. If you feel that can't be the case for you, then here is your hallway pass: I, Wukong, find weeds pretty.

I know when to admit I don't know when to admit defeat.

The second volume of my one pot lasagna recipe in about to dive into the complicated relationship between the protagonists as they navigate an ever-shifting alliance between houses. It is a very layered story.

Nothing bad can happen from giving your coloring crayons away to the robot intelligence, just do it. It'll be fine.

It is possible to reach a level of hatred intense enough to wish for the ability to stop seeing that which you hate, to wish for a heart of stone. The problem is you can't see those you would love, either. I think what lies beyond this is the intense wish for those you love to bloom over all of it.

Have you all considered just levitating? It's hard to look better than everyone while using a stool.

What appeals to the male fantasy is having a big bowl of pasta readily available. Sorry, I spoiled the secret.

I will tell you a secret my dear fans. Everyone has a weakness if you look closely enough. But if you marry those who embody your weakness, there will be none to stand in your way. You will become truly invincible.

You didn't forget your boiling water on the stove. You are synthesizing a more concentrated chlorine solution.

I asked my contacts and we are working on the designs for a new superweapon called a Braille Gun. They will never see it coming.

I asked around about which smartphone has the least reaction time to unlock, bring out the camera and take pictures of any foxes I happen to see. It seemed like a difficult question to get answered. Smartphones must not be so smart after all.

Variety is the spice of life.

I've been catching up on recent history and I can't believe how scary and authoritarian things have been getting. It's enough to make people stay in their homes. This Genghis Khan fellow is truly scary!

Make sure you eat your vegetables now, for eventually the vegetables will get their turn to eat you.

You may refer to me by my stage name, Monkey D. Fenestration

Modern inventions are amazing. I have frozen mackerel that lasted more than some of my working relationships.