This is drunk thoughts with Rave (where Rave's not actually drunk but I've done some drinking): Fuck you if you intentionally let your cat out to free roam, ESPECIALLY if you live near a busy road or have known predatory animals that live around you. One day you're gonna wake up to no kitty at home

Hey. Kindly reminder. Content creators are not your friends just because you like their work. You do not know who we are. This goes double for anyone under 18; be very careful about interacting with adults. If any adult makes you feel uncomfortable, DO NOT ENGAGE THEM. RUN.

Hehe, inebriated streams are fun! ☺️ I promise I don't do drunk streams often, but I make sure that when I do they are worth while. Anyway, gonna crash now. Good night!

When shit hits the fan, or it feels like your luck took a wrong turn, sometimes it's better to get out of the apartment/house and just hang with friends and loved ones. Learning not to stay in when there's negativity in our headspace. Cuz that negativity can manifest into something that's worse.

The universe be lining up job opportunities for me now. It's like I just said, "yeah, I'm sick of customer service & food, now I wanna try warehouse" and - BAM! Person who works for y-company referring me here. Person for z-company telling me they could get me in easily there. Kinda anxious /pos

I kinda miss song-writing. Used to do it a lot in middle school, then kinda stopped for a minute. Depression and other emotional stressors really push for good things.

I know I've made promises. I know I've broken promises. But if there is one promise I vow I will never break, it is that I will wait for him. Whatever life may bring, I will not move on. Wherever the fates lead me, I will always remain true to him. He is my partner. He is my husband. I am his.

Dysphoria & dysmorphia related reminders: - how you feel right now is not how you will feel forever - 1% of progress is better than 0% of progress - genuine joy brings more beauty than any shape ever could - clothes are meant to be altered to form! you are not meant to alter yourself to fit them 🧡

Getting back into drawing on paper rather than on my tablet. Art block is still fighting me fiercely, but I feel so much better when I can just doodle a bit. Anyway, some ARPG stuff for my kuku-ri characters, Gnocchi and Mendum. Kinda want to do even more traditional stuff for my other kukus.

Made a joke with one of my coworkers that instead of dressing up for Hallow's Eve, I'll tell everyone I'm "a pesky mosquito in your ear" followed by a small noise. Coworker said the sound I make is so accurate that if I were a real mosquito, I'd be dead. And this is why I should be a voice actor.

One of the things I hate about job applications is the fact that they always ask for your SSN, and I - a person with undiagnosed mental issues - have an issue with switching at least two of my numbers despite thinking I have it memorized. I can't just carry my SSC everywhere I go to double-check.

I love Guillermo del Toro calling ages 19 to 29 "sublime confusion"

If anyone asks me why I seem so unfazed or nonchalant by bad news that directly affects me, it is because I've had such shit happen this year alone that I am exhausted. Life has cracked me over the head and punched me in the gut, laying me out so hard that I am dry heaving my emotions anymore.

I'm LIVE playing R.E.P.O. with my brother. Watch amsyourrave on Twitch! www.twitch.tv/amsyourrave?...

You ever listen to a song again after not listening to it for a hot minute, and then revisit it when you're in a bad mental place? And when you're in that bad place, a verse that you've never paid attention to suddenly sticks out like a sore thumb? That's "Take Me Back To Eden" by Sleep Token.

Did a stream tonight (I usually only stream on Mon and Wed), and it was a good night for followers. I only need 4 more to hit 300 followers. Honestly, I should stream more. I know I want to get back into art streams, so those might happen on Fridays. And I wanna record more Read-Aloud videos..

My partner texted *me* first for the first time in months. (I've always been the one to text him first.) And his text ringtone woke me from a dead sleep. My phone going off for *any* notification never wakes me up. But I woke up to his notification. That's a good sign, right?

This is the way. Re-pledged to PBS, as well.

He loves me. He still cares. He still wants a life with me. Our bond isn't going anywhere. Papers are just that - papers. Our connection lies buried somewhere intangible; branded in a place far beyond the physical, yet it can be felt deeply. That's all the proof I need. And I love him, too.

Found a new song via TikTok, and for the first time I actually saw my partner/husband's face from perfect memory. His tame-yet-wild black hair, the way he grins in the goofiest way, how his eyes kinda squint when he smiles, his facial scruff that could almost belong to an Amish person. Perfect..

Been doing a lot of karaoke and a capella singing to metal music - which is something I never thought my voice would be good for, but here we are. I also used to do song writing. None of it was ever good. Like, ever... ...Until now. Metal is about to be my genre. Watch out, world. Rave's comin'.

I couldn't add this in, but last bit: "My heart will always belong to my main, because that's who I have always loved. Even if we are apart, he holds my heart, and it is his alone. ❤️‍🩹"

Just a reminder that Asperger was a Nazi, and there’s not actually a good versus bad form of autism. Those of us with high masking ability aren’t better than the ones who need more help. Thanks for coming to my second TED talk.

When your cat wants to be part of your stream.

Every day away teaches me more and more of how much I truly love him. Everything I do is to benefit us both. The new things I learn and practice are in the name of my love for him. No, I do not know for certain if things will ever go in our favor again. But I have faith. And that's all I need now.

I made gluten-free free cookies!! Here's my recipe, instructions, and a picture of the first batch (which turned out more spherical than I had imagined).

It is OK to want things when the world is on fire. It is OK to have hopes and dreams when everything is a mess. It is OK to say yes to the goddamn universe when the ground feels unsteady. You don’t become less of a person, less of who you are, when things are hard. You deserve good things.

Working in a restaurant has made me forget how much I genuinely enjoy cooking and baking. I've been prepping meals in the morning because it's easier when I strictly work closing shifts. But also I've been doing research into gluten-free meals and sweet treats.

I feel sick to my stomach making this post, but at this point I don't have a choice docs.google.com/document/d/1...

Grief is love unfiltered. An endless love. An unconditional love. Grief never goes away. It lingers. Sometimes it numbs. But even when you can't feel it, it's still there. And that's a beautiful thing. Because, without it, the purpose of living is meaningless.

2 months... 2 months of grief. 2 months of sorrow. But my tears have finally dried. Dried cuz I have answers. Answers that make me see all of this in a new light. And that is enough to satisfy me. My vow; I am pulling away from people I used to trust, cuz they don't deserve to be part of me.

There is nothing wrong from excusing yourself from a situation to go to the bathroom-- not to actually use the bathroom, but to breathe, blink, focus, & manage triggers. That's not a sign of weakness. That's an intelligent use of a socially sanctioned break & relative privacy.

Lucid moments during half awake-half asleep times are not fun. I've had one 2 nights in a row. Both times I swore my partner was in bed with me, both time I went to spoon him, and both times I woke up hugging a damned pillow. I think I need better sleep. Insomnia's been a pain in my ass lately.

The vast majority of my writing is my internalized feelings on things. It's rare for me to write something that somehow *doesn't* connect back to my emotional or mental state. So when I write passionate love scenes in my fanfics or books, it's my love letter to my partner.

Oh, this is far too accurate... I don't like it!! 😭

New highlight posted to TikTok and YouTube shorts: www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8kSn9wK/

Heh, whoops!! Seems I forgot to share another YouTube video. My bad. My final Art Fight speed paint. Unfortunately, art block, burn out, and depression caught up to me and have now pinned me, so I cannot force myself further. Anywizzle, enjoy!! youtu.be/vVnFgKVwXS0?...

Watch amsyourrave play S.A.R. with her brother on Twitch! www.twitch.tv/amsyourrave?...

Genuine question: Is the absence of someone you love supposed to cause confusion when their presence brings clarity? Is someone's lack of being with you supposed to make you feel lost? Are you supposed to feel stuck in place and like you can't get out of that place without your soulmate?

Got to play some more Super Animal Royale with my brother again tonight. Jumped from level 22 to level 25 in 2.5 hours, which was awesome. Must definitely do it again.

New art fight speed paint out today! We're more than halfway done with the event. Starting to feel the drain from fighting art block, but still going. youtu.be/3MUbR_UGznU?...

My manager's cat that I took in ~2 weeks ago ran away this morning. Somehow the hose to my stand-up AC unit was dislodged and fell out of the window while I was sleeping last night, and Ollie ended up jumping onto the sill and pushing the screen open.

It's art fight season, and as such I have a new speed paint video out! youtu.be/n55fqiwuawE?...

Late night progress: Almost 1 week ago, I took one of my manager's cats home with me because she was looking to rehome him (her house was filled with too much chaos and he's an anxious cat). Tonight was the first night he came out from under the bed for pets, comfortably and without panicking.

Not me noticing how much shallower my breathing has been in the past month. Then I think back to all the times I used to take deep breaths and sigh, and my partner would ask me "what's wrong?" every time I did. Nothing was ever wrong. I just remembered I could actually take deep breaths around him

Haven’t seen this brought up, but you don’t get an AI overview on google if you add a swear. You’re welcome.

If I'm playing SupervAnimal Royale *and* listening to Skrillex, it's over for everyone I've hit leaderboard 2x playing rounds of S.A.W vs Rebellion I have Skrillex on my Spotify fight playlist for a reason.