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Goodnight 🫩

Been a while…

Stop sharing the Ghibli AI slop, what is wrong with you: aftermath.site/studio-ghibli-...

Can we get Conan to sign a ten year contract pls

Wondering if Grindr users see as much hole a day as cat owners

I fear my new client is trying to kill me through superfluous emails

abracadabra eaaaats

I would be the first to go in a slasher movie. The vigilant girlies are like “did you hear that?” Me: huh?

Oscar noms broke my three weeks of dry January. I hope it was worth it Emilia Pérez.

It’s -2 out, but it’s ok because it only “feels like 0”

I worked 13 hours today and got a follow up (in email) about what else I should be doing. I WILL EAT YOU

Next to Kylie?

My move to London seems to actually be falling into place. lol bye

I’m actually more annoyed about marvel snap going away.

Thpit on it

Angie’s read on Bronwyn is so funny

Mid twenties and playing with binder clips like it’s a LAAT

Challengers soundtrack fucks so hard

I think my letterboxd wrapped shows how deeply I’m trying to check out of the real world.

Can’t tell if people are unaware I’m not listening. If they know, they’re taking advantage.

Why is southern Ohio freaking out about a lil snow? Why is the grocery store empty? Now I have to go to the gas station and confront myself for thinking I’m too good to be buying eggs there.

Happy for Shōgun. Colin Farrell winning for his performance as New Jersey Dudley Dursley makes me happiest.

So thankful for all the emails from the companies I pay. (The ones that make my home livable) “yo gurl, hope you ready for this polar vortex. Fyi you’re SOL if you want help on our end.” Thanks

My rude ass dog just paws at stuff. Like use your words.

Tired of hearing about the boy problems. I’m just gonna by them a cat.

Feels weird saying it… Brat snub

I love a recipe that begins in a novel about the author’s whole backstory, then they fail to properly explain the steps.

I’ll get casually reminded everyday of something I did as a teenager. It makes me want to implode.

Real love/hate relationship with being called vanilla.

Sorry in advance for what I say during Mario Party

All this tailgating downtown for the Bengals game. Y’all are up against the browns. It’s like bullying children. Also, put the gays in charge of the tailgates. It looks sooooo boring.

I have too much anxiety to be smoking at this point. I just think those mfs are outside my house waiting to put Paimon in me.

2 in 1 shampoo only so there’s more space (more options for foot placement)

Why does she call it her “London Bridge”? Tower bridge is way cooler.

All the reports of Bigfoot in Ohio are just people who heard my ass walking up stairs.

So like the original movie ads, but bad. Didn’t he steal Jasmine? Shouldn’t he be at a Parisian brothel with Remy?

Idk if yall have considered the coconut and/or its tree. They’re sayin some wild shit.

Three 12 hour work days make me miss all the drugs.

Apparently the TikTok’s I send my friends forever mess up there fyp. “They’re funny but also upsetting” I’m just trying to help girl

Shōgun fucks

Idk why Jersey is complaining. Been a long time since anyone wanted to look at you. Start promoting.

Not a happy horny. More like a keep my shirt on kind of thing.

I do it yet there isn’t a reason. It’s the most pointless shit to ever exist.

Having a new boss is hard. How can we transfer humor? How’s this new guy suppose to know I’m so unserious while being totally serious about the stupid shit I say.

Paul Schrader loves a dude with a problem.

People love to send me passive aggressive emails until they get my response. There’s a quick tonal shift.

Cane, Castor oil or dark cubbyhole?