I know he didn't write this, but I also know it means someone had to explain the sign to him.

Excuse me I can't hear you, I've got a banana in my ear.

If they were making me vacuum up algae to soothe the mad ruler's dementia you know damn well I'd find a way to attach razor blades to my shoes to tear up his nasty blue plastic lining.

Corn season best season.

I REFUSE TO LET THE RIGHT HAVE SAUERKRAUT!

The left side is decent seeding, but what is this right side? Way too many top contenders competing in the first round!

I mean what kind of supposed Christian doesn't trivialize pedophilia?

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single frog in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." (Though probably Darcy is the human, and I just want to see Ms Piggy as Elizabeth Bennet karate chop Wickham, played by... Link Hogthrob? Floyd Pepper?)

Call me Kermit. Some years ago—never mind how long precisely—having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world.

Giving each of them some focus attention.

I can not see CRT without thinking "cock and rectum torture" and god damn can't the Republicans find a new fetish.

Share a movie soundtrack you love 🎥 🎶

The birds are fascinated by Laurie Anderson and I agree birds, I agree.

Getting a tortilla press means I finally understand corn tortillas.

Going out to lunch and being annoyed by Israeli tourists for smoking in front of an open door and having zero care about being in the way and for no reasons other than that and it feels so damn wholesome.

Take a slice of cheese, add a little mayo on there, and wrap it in a slice of turkey and that's good eating.

How can something so small coo so loudly? (Pretty sure we have a nest on our roof.)

It's been months and they still hate the new phone camera because it's to lavender out something. So sad.

Just tasting bacon asparagus over a simple risotto, for seasoning and this is fucking delicious and I'm not just saying that because I skipped lunch.

This photo and the other one of a bunch of dorkasses in suits 3 sizes too small are giving me more ammunition for my "if you wear a tie with any knot but a simple knot you are chud buffoon."

Jesus, cops in SF were arresting a shoplifter who fell down in the middle of the street and a car just toodled right over all three of them killing one and seriously injuring two others and it was at least a block warning and they didn't even slow down and what the fuck is wrong with people.

Infant Innocence The Grizzly Bear is huge and wild; He has devoured the infant child. The infant child is not aware He has been eaten by the bear. A.E. Housman

Double checking my funniest thing meter.

I feel silly spending $50 on a wrench but holy shit this tool is exactly what I wanted and goodbye to horrible crescent wrenches.

It really bugs me that the all x are either y or z meme references a Calvin and Hobbes strip that has nothing to do comparisons like that.

Heaven's Vault is so, so good. There's plenty of others here that are great as well, but god damn Heaven's Vault is good.

This is probably the most traditional possible behavior for the family of a pope.

When the dude with the Nazi tattoo starts using "the Epstein class" I'm fucking beyond done.

People who serve themselves just the good bits out of a communal salad bowl must be destroyed.

Does anyone actually like ordering via a goddamn QR code? This isn't some old man grumpy thing is it? It's legitimately a bad experience every time.

You know those expandable water hoses that are basically surgical tubing around a fiber sheath? Turns out they get old they can burst and scare the shit out of you.

Cold brew and tonic water works surprisingly well!

Every god damn time I read something that reminds me that we called this bullshit war of choice (that we are going to fucking lose) Operation Epic fucking Fury I get even angrier. Baconization of death.

I so want to play this even though I know I'll only finish it once if at all. Why am I like this? store.steampowered.com/app/3359110/...

A journey of transformation requires a first step of accepting what you did was wrong and admitting it to the world and showing you've changed. And then, depending on the offense and what you want to be accepted for a period of time proving that. Senator? Might be a lifetime!

Michael Clayton, but make it Star Wars

doing my part as silent boyfriend in the background while my partner tries to get some computer part replaced

Bernie has been a net negative for progressive politics in this country for over a decade and I am so sick of it.

Damn, Saikat Chakrabarti getting TROUNCED.

Help I'm falling for a amazon up for rehoming so hard and I can't have a parrot the big or that loud but she is so fucking awesome.

Funniest thing! Funniest thing!

fuck the jungle primary

I've started using AI to summarize books after I read them, then telling it that it is wrong (which it often is) over and over to see how far off from the real book it can get. It's interesting to see what parts of the wrongness it holds onto. Probably from a whiny reddit post or something.

Deceptively peaceful. 🪶

Why do we insist on doing tax policy by initiative?

GOLD TEETH has launched! It's a piratical TTRPG set in a cursed version of the Age of Sail, with 350 pages of briny phantasmagoria, colonial terror and nauseating seafood. It's part Master & Commander, part Blackadder, left to ripen in the sun like a beached porpoise. teethrpg.itch.io/gold-teeth

Lost my big crescent wrench and now I have discovered pliers wrenches and damnit I'm going to go buy a ~60 dollar wrench aren't I?

How did I miss that there's a new Amanita game?

Hot tip. Before you replace your faucet, double check you actually turned off the hot water.