Look at that smug little face. Thinking it's so tough because it knocked me off the sofa. Well there's only room for one King of the Hill around here bucko...

I have a fish!

I can't believe that The Human really thought that 5 sachets of food would be enough today. How is she still this clueless after so many years? You just can't get the staff these days.

Snoozeday

There seems to be something stuck to your leg. Let me attack it for you! Oh my mistake, that was your foot. I'm going to have to attack it again for tricking me.

The Human keeps covering her chest in something stinky. I think she's trying to stop me from making her better.

All aboard the meownorail!

Today The Human has switched from calling me "Mister E" to "Mysterio". Not sure if this is an upgrade or not.

Box!

I'm gonna eat your foot

I don't fits but I sits anyway.

Must be my lucky day. I got to eat chicken, BBQ sauce, and salted caramel ice cream.

I see you

I'm all nipped up so I'm attacking various inanimate objects.

Oh. You've redecorated. I don't like it.

The Human just called me "Edmonton". Was that an insult?

It's not my fault. If you didn't want a dent in the wall you shouldn't have positioned the furniture in such a precarious manner. You had to know I was going to use it as a ladder.

🎶🎶 I see my empty bowl You know I'm gonna scream Fool, where is my lunch I'm a big floofy boi And I need lots of food 🎶🎶

The Human is celebrating something unimportant. What is important is that this allowed me to eat some ice cream, so it's a brilliant day for me.

Smug as a bug in a rug

Unfortunately, despite my previous airing of grievances, the bottom of the food bowl keeps appearing. When are you going to do something about this?

The Human complained that my love is too aggressive and sharp. It's her fault for having exposed skin, get some armour so I can love you properly.

When the Weather Cat says it's rainin' You're going to hear him complainin' 🎶🎶

I scream, I scream some more. You get up. I steal your ice-cream.

Wait! Why am I banned from the bedroom? It was only a hairball, and you needed to change the sheets anyway.

Humans! Have you fed and watered your pets today? How about yourselves? Go get a snack for your pet, and one for yourself. (Don't forget to share yours) Drink some water too, you don't want your fur looking drab.

I have decided to institute a time-saving measure. In future I'm just going to assume my food bowl is empty and skip straight to screaming at The Human for food.

I'm sad. The Human did everything I asked her to do. Now I have nothing to pester her about.

Human, please, I am begging you! For the sake of both of our dignities, do not call me your "Fluffy-wuffy snuggly man" again.

Human! You've moved some furniture around. I don't like it. Put it back.

I have a cunning plan. I'm going to scratch and scream at The Human's bedroom door at 2:30am. Then when she opens it to see what I want I'm going to attack her bare feet.

Human! It's too cold outside to go and pee. I'm just going to borrow your shoes.

I'm not hiding from the fireworks. I'm lying in wait so I can attack the people setting them off.

Human. No! It's Christmas not Kissmas! Stahp!

It was hard work but I delivered all the presents. Now make with the turkey and smoked salmon.

Human! Did you know there's a yellow alert for heavy rain? Ask me how I know.

Might have to go protect The Human again. My forehead lacks kisses.

The Human dared to boop my beans!

I know the second bowl is full, but I can see the bottom of this one!

Update: The Human must be terrified because she keeps giving me little forehead kisses.

I'm not scared of the fireworks, I'm just cuddling up next to The Human in case she is.

Maybe The Human loves me after all, she brought me a box!

The Human just accused me of being rotund! Me! I'm not fat, I'm big-furred. This is what peak cat fitness looks like. She will suffer for this gross insult. Not right now. This is definitely one best served cold. Probably in her shoes.

Look, these biscuits aren't going to make themselves so lay still.

No no no this will not do. I require two *bowls* of food. Putting two sachets into a single bowl does not count. Go fetch another bowl and another sachet. Chop chop!

The Human just said she was going to "Pickle Priest" me. Was that a threat? Should I be worried?

Whenever there's a crashing noise in the house it's always "What did you just do Edison?" Or "What did you just break Edison?" Nobody else ever gets the blame. Nobody thanks me for my hard work improving the Feng Sui of the house.

My leg!

Human! I ate a mouthful of food and now I can see a tiny sliver of the bottom of the bowl. Rectify this at once!

Human! Why have you never let me try Honey Mustard dip before? This is delicious! What other tasty treats have you been keeping from me?