I had a good birthday yesterday. Now I get to come back to work and continue being miserable.

It's my birthday. What do I plan on doing? Probably just chilling because it's too humid to do much of anything.

I want to apologize for last night. I said I would stream and I didnt. I was gonna talk about what has been going on, but I had a panic attack from thinking about talking about it and wasnt really in a good place to stream. Idk when streams will return, amd Im sorry. Ill do my best to recover.

I can't stream tonight. I'm sorry.

So what do you y'all do when you want to stream but just don't feel the motivation to do it? This has been a problem for me for the past like six months.

I literally screamed in excitement when I saw we were finally getting Exodites in 40k, even if it's just a Kill Team. Shut up and take my money.

Streams will probably return either Monday or Tuesday. If I fail to materialize you may curse me.

Im seeing a lot of Star Wars Prequels discourse again. Im gonna be honest Ive always felt like the odd one out because people my age talk about how great they are and how they loved them as a kid. Meanwhile when I was a kid I always thought they were boring and still dont really view them as good.

After taking a couple weeks off because ngl my mental health tanked further than it had in a very long time, I've come to feel like I miss streaming. So I'll probably be returning very soon. I think the model is calling to me again like it's the Green Goblin mask.

My power did come back on. I'm back home now. I'm glad the damage wasn't any worse than a few bigger limbs.

Haven't been at my house since yesterday evening. Last I checked power was still out (according to the electric company). Ive been at my mom's house.

To all my Discord and Twitch homies. Im okay. I have no power and theres some damage around my house, but nothing super serious.

Im in my third Tornado Warning this week. I havent been in the closet this much since high school.

So random fun fact about myself: I never say "Good Morning". If someone says good morning to me, I generally just reply with "Hey". Idk how people have a good morning. I always wake up feeling like garbage no matter if I had 3 or 10 hours of sleep.

Wish you guys could see but my hair actually looks pretty good today.

Im sorry if Ive been disappointing you guys with the lack of streams. Its been a long time since Ive felt this depressed. Its gotten to the point where Im considering going back to therapy. I hope to see you guys again soon.

Yesterday was a really bad severe weather day for my area. Was under a Tornado Warning for a while. I was an anxious wreck all of yesterday waiting for the storms to start.

Ngl it's probably gonna be a little bit before I stream again. I've been depressed since last week. To tell you how bad it is, I'm wearing shorts today...I never wear shorts. I always wear jeans.

I took a 10 hour depression nap.

I feel like I need sleep

I wanna play 40K

I will overcome my fear of talking to people. I will overcome my fear of going to bars. Im writing this here to remind myself. It feels better to type it out rather than keep it in my head.

3 hours of sleep. Im running on nothing but an espresso and a can of Monster.

I was planning on streaming this week, but as you can probably tell by my posts, its been kinda rocky. Oh well, theres always next week.

Scan found nothing. Maybe my PC is just getting old.

Well having to deal with PC issues was certainly not on my agenda today. My PC has crashed twice now and the storage space keeps getting taken up even after I cleared it. I hate to speculate, but I think I might have a virus. Im gonna have to do a scan and find out.

This year's been kicking my ass

I was informed this morning that my great grandfather passed away. I honestly didnt know him all that well, but it still has me feeling kind of down. Idk if Ill stream tonight. Ill see how I feel.

Ty all for tuning in tonight. I'm eepy. I'm going to bed. See you guys Monday.

Live!

Yeah I decided to stream. I'm pretty exhausted, but I wanna stream. So I'll see you guys in about 15 minutes. www.twitch.tv/malphas_vtuber

Hello everyone. As I discussed earlier, work has been wearing me out lately. It is finally getting hot consistently and the AC where I work is fine but...lackluster. Im also constantly walking all day. Because of this, going forward, I think Im going to try and stream on my days off instead.

Why does Bluesky gotta show me lewd shit when Im in the breakroom?

Work has been kicking my butt lately. Ive been having almost no energy after work.

I went to bed at eight pm on Tuesday and then yesterday I spent the whole day spending time with my brother. I also bought the Codex for my next homebrew (gonna use the Death Guard codex for it).

I think I was a bit too hasty. I've been hit with this wave of exhaustion and not feeling social. I think I'll schedule RE4 for another time.

Tonight at 8:00 PM Eastern, I'll be continuing Resident Evil 4. It's gonna be fun. I am tired, though. www.twitch.tv/malphas_vtuber

I think tonight Im gonna write some more after stream.

Schedule for 6/1-6/7 (oh no) 6/2: Resident Evil 4 6/6: Space Marine 2

Happy Pride Month! I rarely bring it up on stream or anything, but I am Pansexual, and its an identity I feel Im becoming more comfortable in every passing year. I feel like this year I should actually try and celebrate a little more than usual (though thats hard in the very red area I live in).

I think ive mostly snapped myself out of the depression. I watched a video about Monsters University (this is related I promise) and it was basically about how you can put in 110% into something and do everything right and still not succeed because life doesnt always go how you think it will. And I

Im gonna be honest: I woke up this morning pretty depressed. I think when I get home from work Im just gonna go to bed.

When you get done playing a game with friends and you had an amazing time, but then you realize its late and you have to go and you go back to the loneliness. Im slowly getting better at going out, I just am still terrified of talking to new people.

I finished painting my Saturnine Praetorast night. Gonna make a sick centerpiece for my homebrew.

If the war against AI comes, Im forewarning yall Im dressing like a Clone Trooper.

So funny thing: last night on stream I tried and failed for 20 minutes to find a specific planet on No Mans Sky. I was playing a little off stream still trying to find it and I just randomly happened to find the correct star system, literally not far from the initial system I was looking around.

Live!

I'm gonna play No Man's Sky tonight at 8:00 PM Eastern. I unfortunately haven't gotten the new update yet (the curse of being a console player) but I figured since my NMS addiction has come back anyway, I figured it would still be fun. I can always play Space Marine 2 again next week.

Me: The Murderwing Kill Team is cool, but its so expensive. Idk if Im gonna get it. Also me: *sees it at the mall for slightly cheaper and immediately buys it*

The new No Man's Sky update looks sick. Maybe I should stream that tonight instead.