Santa Claus is actually saying "Hydroxide, hydroxide, hydroxide!"

Black Friday Sale! Our 1,000-dimensional magic golden spheres[*] are discounted by a whopping 50%! * Discounted 1,000-dimensional magic golden spheres are 99% the radius of normally priced spheres, which may result in a small decrease in magicness and total gold volume.

You want me to “doom scroll”? The thing that killed my level 20 rogue?

caramelize me like one of your french onions

imdb is short for im down bad

keep going, or stuff i have to keep telling myself

Raw-dogging the 36-hour flight to the Tanhauser Gate. “Out the left window you can see some C-beams glittering–“ Not even interested.

Pagliacci goes to the doctor for depression. Doctor says, "I've got just the thing: stop arguing with random assholes on the internet." Pagliacci says, "But Doctor. You don't understand. *I* am just a random asshole on the internet"

Me: I have two birds inside of me. Doc: Swallow one stone. That oughta do it.

A huge, beautiful library of tessellated materials in biology! tessellated-materials.mpikg.mpg.de/collection And an interview in Science with the creators of this library: www.science.org/content/arti...

When Lego hits your foot, cause you stepped on it, OOF, that's a $%&(@%)&@$%)*&

i refuse to do anything for the time being—the time being is already far too powerful

net bastard is gross bastard minus expenses

DAD: Babe, I think the kid has Ovid MOM: What? Covid? CHILD: Rose darke and full of foggye mist. And now they were within A kenning of the upper earth, when Orphye did begin DAD: To dowt him lest shee followed not, and through an eager love Desyrous for to see her, he his eyes did backward move.

someone should invent a type of posting that doesn’t drive you to madness

WHAT'S up YouTube, it's your boy Bartleby the Scrivener here, coming at you for another day of the I Would Prefer Not To challenge. Be sure to SMASH that subscribe button and hit that bell so you don't miss a single video. If you saw last week's video, you'll know I am now SLEEPING in the office.

"babies are born worshipping unknown gods" is one of the most incredible dwarf fortress bugs i have heard of. its poetry.

When you choose to interpret something in an overly literal way, that’s called autistic license.

"It is not how old you are, but how you are old." -Marie Dressler #BOTD Dressler gives one of the best double takes in cinema history

Pagliacci you say? Fascinating, I myself have never heard of this--he's a Clown you say? And you hear he's funny? I would love to hear more of your thoughts, or any specific feedback about him if you have it. Which jokes landed. Just curious. Excited to learn more about this guy for the first time.

*performs a lobotomy and plays the empty recycle bin sound*

My name is Mitochondrion, Powerhouse of the Cell. Look at how I work, ye Mighty, and despair.

(to the tune of Eleanor Rigby) 🎶socialist muslim🎶

just....enjoy this

wow, ok, despairing now. i loved his Works. had no idea that nothing remained of them but lone and level sands

My baby had a severe allergic reaction to playing peekaboo. I had to take her to the ICU.

The sneer of cold command stays ON during sex.

My name is Ea-nāṣir, Merchant of Merchants. Look on my goods, ye buyer, and beware.

(Gordon Lightfoot voice) A legend lives on from a land that’s long gone, of two legs made of stone in the desert. A face in the sand has a sneer of command that could rule us and mock us and feed us. The pedestal there says: “Mighty, despair, at the Works of King Ozymandias.”

Ozy, the great king Mandias, Had some mighty Works right there. And if you looked upon them, You would certainly despair. Then one long-forgotten day, A sculptor came to say, “Pose for the future Mighty, Make a sneer of cold command.” All of the statue fragments, Now are sinking in the sand.

Since hashtags are not really the same kind of thing here as they were on Twitter, I'll use this thread to collect any of the Ozymandias-related gems I come across in my timeline. If the name doesn't ring a bell, here is the original. 1/

Here's a handy guide to some electronic components.

[high school] me: trigonometry is stupid i’ll never need it in real life [now] cute girl: so what’s your sign me: oh no

Don’t blame me, I have never said or thought anything

if you consider inflation over the last 500 years, the price of a book should be $100,000

me: i'm terrified of those big empty spaces ppl yell into therapist: a void me: great advice, thank you

LLM Immanuel Kant: “It’s not just pure—it’s reason!”

[watching the leaves fall in autumn] i can't believe this is caused by tylenol

A modest proposal for a humans-only emdash alternative (unclosed parentheticals

so until we open the box and entangle the observer with one of the possible quantum states, we have to consider both possibilities: that I am "working hard" AND "hardly working"

AWS (Antifa Web Services) doing the #NoPings protest today

Seems like no one wants to be trapped inside a haunted music box anymore

you don't understand. as someone who isn't inherently good at art, stealing paintings from the museum is the *only* way i'm able to express myself creatively. i wouldn't be able to paint beautiful portraits. but by breaking into a museum and stealing the paintings, now i am

I want to live in a world where we can dance if we want to, but we refuse to leave our friends behind even if they don't dance.

cross-browser liquid toggle 👨‍🔬 CSS + SVG filter + drag mechanics 🧑‍🍳 (exploding view 👇)

Today is the final Patch Tuesday. We did it. We installed all the patches. 🎉

(johnny cash voice) take a guess, who just got, back today / them wild eyed boys, who you know had, gone away / hadn't changed much, had a lot to say they was askin how you was, where you'd be found / the boys are, back in town