usually if i want someone to simp this much i have to have, like, dick surgery and uh, [looks down], no bandages

birks should make dykenstocks that leave scissor imprints in the sand

love nonbinary people cuz you can be like ayyyy it's the kay mann and that's their government name

post sex looking like you ate a big mac in a reclined position

DM just says "decent effort" interesting opening salvo tim let's see if it pays off

when bilmuri said "that botton ain't deep enough" i felt that

trans people are like infect players; unfairly targeted just for wanting to poison everything you've ever held dear

[on a date] i have to finagle weed outta someone who just said they don't wanna be codependent

she rodney on my dangerfield til i get no respect

i like cards

look i'm not even saying Just Shoot Me aged poorly i'm just saying that with his proximity to donald trump, the character of jack gallo is almost definitely in the files

not to shamelessly engagement farm but like this if woody harrelson can get it

one time the computer repair guy told my dad that kid me had interesting tastes 😎

if someone makes a twin peaks reference call em a homophobic slur cuz fuck probably

jeepers i sure would like to see greta thunberg ravenously devour the president but i hate ai gee what to do what to do

world's most afabest folk punk musician

i am a regular amount of invested in the friendship between local news legend and apes of the state

ah yes the four fetishes head shoulders knees and toes knees and toes? knees and toes

i've noticed there's some confusion about trans people and i'd like to set the record straight. trans men play ukulele; trans women play banjo. hope this helps

rappers used to have names like rizzer and jizzer what even is a sizzer oh like lesbians nvm

omg dude can't believe boomers wrote a song called old timer rock and roll

☝️🤓 um i think you mean "whom haw" ☝️🤓

[bad ending] paris hilton's book is better than dylan mulvaney's

between john jacob jingleheimer schmidt and john john the leprechaun i've kind of already burned through any agony my deadname could bring speedrun baybeeeeee

Die Fledergate

hey so i feel like the thesis statement of attack on titan is that if you're getting genocided you're not allowed to do a bunch of revenge murders and idk that kinda seems like tone policing ☝️🤓

it's like a board game you can be really autistic about and spend a lot of money on oh so like a board game

oh, the internet is forever? then where is that porn i liked in high school, huh?

y'know when the baby carrots too big? fuck an adolescent carrot

1985 by bowling for soup but she's still preoccupied with jesus jesus jesus fucking christ

in my "tell your dad i said hi" arc i didn't fuck him he just hates me

woke marie antoinette be like let they/them eat cake

one must imagine sisyphus being so brave about it

crossdressing: 🥳✅️👍 crossdressers: 😰🚫👎

does the dog die dot com john wick

dogs 🤝 trans women peeing very little, several times

split attraction model (sexually into bbno$) (romantically into yung gravy)

what if we kissed in the vape store whip-it!s section

the navy is so dramatic "rear admiral" bro just say power bottom fuck

poly ppl are like "you put too much importance on relationships" and then have three

cucks 🤝 1930s comedians "take my wife. please 🧐🎩🥜 "

fuck it *uncabbages your cabbage rolls*

people will be named skink armpit and post "reminder i'm nonbinary" bestie we know

no it's a mandela effect no one remembers the weezer guy was the zodiac but he was

milk duds are so good when you don't know what engorged ticks look like

swancore is just metalcore that's coming onto you

family guy was so ahead of its time (transphobic in the early seasons too)

i'm not horny i'm spiraling they just happen to look similar

idiosyncrasies nuts