Update: my dad’s disappointment is limitless, but he has cheered up at the prospect of the defense murdering Aaron Rodgers as a consolation prize

I really do not like the turn this Steelers/Ravens game is taking because I don’t want 86-year-old Aaron Rodgers infecting Will Anderson Jr with any of the preventable diseases he’s undoubtedly riddled with. On the other hand, it would be nice to send him into retirement…

It’s that time of year again! The gyms are stuffed to the gills and I’m going to bite someone. I mean good luck on your resolutions, everyone! My resolution is not to bite someone curling in the squat rack

I stumbled across some transvestigation BS saying Derrick Henry was definitely trans and ofc all transvestigation is bad and this one is obviously not true but ngl I kind of wish it were because that would be a huge W for trans men.

Before this week I had never seen the same player lose the ball twice on the same play, and now I’ve almost seen it happen twice. Maybe this is a cool new trend in an ever-evolving sport

My dad called me earlier and at the end of the conversation, he says, “Pray for…” I assume he’s going to say my aunt’s name next, since she has cancer and is having a procedure done this week. No. Instead of asking me to pray for his sick sister, my father asks me to pray for Philip Rivers.

This game is a disaster. It’s so much fun

The Houston Texans Cook Up Some KC BBQ on SNF

I hate Bama as much as the next guy, but I kind of agree that you shouldn’t be punished for losing a CCG.

You know how some years they just don’t award a Pulitzer? I think they shouldn’t award a Heisman this year

Come on, LSU, you have the chance to pull a Sydney Carton and do one useful thing with your cursed season

I want to go back in time to a baseball game in like 1890 and play Britney Spears on the organ or whatever they used to play their baseball ditties back in the day. You know some of them old fuckers would be like, “Hell yeah, this slaps.”

If I were a football coach on the last play of either half I would always throw a Hail Mary. I don’t care if we’re down 5 or up 50. I don’t care if we’re on the other team’s 10 or our own. I don’t care if we’re so far downfield a Hail Mary is physically impossible. Give em the ol razzle dazzle.

Lmao talking about mental health awareness while showing sad Dodger fan faces. Is this intentional? Is this just something they do in baseball?

I want Kiké Hernandez to be my weird uncle.

I got in bed at halftime but was awoken with an unshakable feeling that it’s Aaron Rodgers hater hours

Interviewer: How does it feel to win a big game today?? 😀 CJ Stroud: I am a sinner and I will burn in Hell. 😐

Oh no are the Jets about to win a game?

Houston is cleaning up against other teams’ practice squads this year.

Listening to football commentators is like reading an author try to stuff exposition in unnatural places. “The third-year veteran out of Texas makes the sack” = “the green-skinned biochemist from the desert planet Zigrazab takes a sip of her coffee.”

Pitchers are wizards. Change my mind.

Mised Connection: You: Charming waiter-cum-spy who agreed to help me rob the fancy hotel where you work before we fell in love, and you ratted me out and got me sent to prison. Me: Very forgiving former thief who just wants to talk, I promise. 🤞🔪 Don't worry, I'll find you #DVpit #F #A #LGBT #TV

Kill Bill x Oliver Twist for the gays Maksim pulled himself up by his bootstraps. So what if he stepped on a few necks to do it? Frankly, snitching on his former lover—who is a criminal, mind you—is the least of his sins. But it is the one he’s going to have hell to pay for. #DVpit #F #A #LGBT #TV

10 years ago, petty thief Lukyan’s partner sent him to jail and their mentor to the gallows. Now, Lukyan is free and on the hunt for his erstwhile lover. They say the best revenge is living well, but “they” have never tried plunging a knife into the chest of their lying ex. #DVpit #F #A #LGBT #TV

What if we planned a heist together… But all you stole was my heart? 👉👈🥺 And then traded it to an imperial official in exchange for hard cash? Financial advice for your ill-gotten gains: invest in bodyguards. #DVpit #F #A #LGBT #TV

Kill Bill x The Spear Cuts Through Water In CURSED & CHEATED, gay con artists fall in love, plan a heist, get betrayed, and plot revenge in a fantasy world inspired by Imperial Russia. #DVpit #F #A #LGBT #TV

I deleted Reddit recently, but one thing I really miss about it is that I could easily join a conversation about how much Aaron Rodgers sucks. Here, I can only shout into the void about how much Aaron Rodger’s sucks.

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Man I would have been so stoked on that fire drill field goal if it were anyone other than Butker kicking it

The first snap happened and no one’s gotten thrown out yet? This game is boring

Look as long as this weather delay is still happening can we get back to sexy pics of Dak?

I’m not even a cowboys fan but out of all the people you could credibly want to spit on in that organization, you choose Dak?

Everyone pray for Florida State right now

Football season officially started today when Jerry Jones traded Micah Parsons to the Packers in exchange the lint the city of Green Bay pulled out of its collective dryers. We’re back, baby!

Some rabbits, but not all

So the source of all these dragon myths is just someone’s drunk uncle? Yeah, my uncle slayed a dragon, too, buddy. Go get him a Lone Star and a pack of smokes and he’ll tell you all about it.

I made this meme about how John was Jesus’s favorite disciple for my bff but they didn’t care, so I’m taking it back from them and giving it to y’all instead

Poetry is gay. Knights are gay. War is gay.

Man I hope all y’all talking about how people in Central Texas got what was coming to them with the floods know you sound a whole lot like evangelical preachers. Natural disasters are not punishment for sin you psychos

would you love me if i was a pine needle? 🥺👉👈 link in description, but also RTTW is in citrus con's awesome bundle with tooons of queer games, comics, and novels!! itch.io/b/3097/citru... #writingcommunity #booksky

Wow, this Bog (leaving it, better title anyway) Dead Energy book sure does keep ending up on staff picks lists; I wonder if it’s any good! tapas.io/series/Big-D...

Beautiful night tonight

Thucydideez nutz

I have always wanted to post a Notes app screed. I would link the accounts I'm talking about so this would make more sense, but there's no point now, really, is there?

I’m listening to an audiobook about D-Day, and I used to hate when nonfiction narrators put on the accent of whomever they are reading a quote from, but now I love it. Give me more old British men trying their best to sound American. I know it pains them terribly.

I love Russian literature

Xerxes screaming, "Serenity now!" as he whips the Hellespont

Have we tried this yet? This can’t be a worse way to put forward a candidate than whatever the DNC has been doing