“i used AI to help me—“

going through a classic rite of passage (self-flagellating The Cut essay pitch)

a snowed-in fic except it happens in a studio apartment in seattle because no one knows how to drive on ice

yeah i have an MFA. a miraculously fat ass 💋

don’t let Jeff Goldblum bite you?? i’d let Jeff Goldblum [a comically long crook yanks me off stage before i can finish my sentence]

wouldn’t wish 30+ horniness on my worst enemy

me: babe can you pick me up something to keep the cat from eating my dildos my wife: sure thing babe

she’s getting pied in hell now 🌈

every time my male body count decreases by one at the same time my female body increases by one an angel gets its wings

“here’s a paid opportunity to learn XYZ!” and it’s an “opportunity” to do free labor in a different state in the tenuous hopes of partial reimbursement… do NOT @ me with that shit i know my worth

“a machine can never make art because a machine can never be horny” not if *I* have anything to say about it

cat managed to drag my favorite dildo out of the drawer to shred it in case anyone’s in the market for the world’s worst cat

onlyfans where i don’t have to interact w men in any capacity at all

starting a new writing account and then hearing the phrase “freydis moon” is like moving to a new town and hearing that somehow the village con artist is here still trying to sell racist snake oil whatever their deal is these days

hi i’d like to hire a hitman? yeah a guy just stared at my boobs in a crowded grocery store and went HELLO! in a cartoon voice. oh you’ll do it for free? thanks man

finished my first erotic novelette (10k) today! hmu if you want to beta-read! #erotica #eroticromance

this month i have my first post-open-marriage con… start praying for whichever bookish nerd finds me looking hot and lost at the hotel bar

embrace your inner freak. kiss your inner freak with tongue. let your inner freak explore your body with its tentacles

i can write the absolute smoothest, sexiest flirting you’ve ever seen in a fic but in real life i’m just skating by on autism and double D’s

fanfic hater? opinion discarded 🗑️

inordinately proud of my first *for kindle* smut, Mine or Yours 🫦 you’re in control… or so you think 😈 www.amazon.com/dp/B0DS54K5F...

good little familiar, pick mommy’s joint tonight ok?

kindle top 100 API you are my bitch

been there, done that, seen bigger 💄

3rd base is when i let them see my Erotic Art Wall

i could fix him