Over a year ago I wrote a humorous horror short story called Ooh That Smell for a fantastic anthology called Dread Mondays, edited by @whisperhousepress.bsky.social. Well, today I just received my copy! Incredible to see something I wrote in an actual book for the first time. #booksky #horrorsky

I can't wait to watch the Mr Beast Wing, where 1000 contestants try to piece it all back together using toothpicks.

I really couldn't put it any better than this: Ee do ba be Ee da ba ba ba Um bo bo Be lap People on streets Ee da de da de People on streets Ee da de da de da de da

The only thing I do tirelessly, is be tired.

My sheets are 100% pure Egyptian cotton candy.

Does anyone have a good vegetarian recipe for disaster?

I can't speak for Sinatra, but as I've gotten older, I find that what I really want is to wake up in a city that has had a really good night's rest.

There is a time and place for everything. That time is 1:14 PM. And the place is Tom's house.

If he's got the whole world in his hands, I sure hope he at least washed them first.

It's becoming very clear to me that I just don't really understand stuff. Things are quite beyond my grasp as well.

I've been 'faking it' for quite a while. The time of 'making it' should really be here by now.

Email subject lines will be the thing that eventually kills me.

Sometimes you eat the bear. Sometimes the bear eats you. Sometimes you and the bear decide to open up a food truck together, get into an argument over whether you should charge extra for guacamole and then the bear leaves in disgust and now you're the one stuck with covering the damage deposit.

I think more songs should spell out words. Hot To Go. Respect. Saturday Night. Gloria. It always works, it's always catchy, and it keeps the dream of a literate world alive.

I'm writing a sequel to the dictionary. I've always wanted to know what happened to all those words after they made it.

Me: Let's paint the town red! Painter: All I've got is leftover semi-gloss eggshell. Me: How much of the town can we cover with it? Painter: Are we talking trees and grass? Me: If they are within the town's legal boundaries then def. Painter: We should probably grab some municipal maps first.

If we truly lived by 'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em' then the Harlem Globetrotters would contain every human on Earth by now.

"If you thought those last streets were mean, get a load of these ones. Because they are also mean. It's hard to quantify meanness, but if I had to make a guess, I think it's safe to say that these streets are at least as mean as those last ones." - Opening dialogue to my new opus Mean Streets 2

I like to save my foremost for at least third. Really make 'em wait for it.

Name for a taco restaurant I just thought up instead of doing the thing I've so far successfully put off doing all day: Hold My Birria Was it worth it? I think the results speak for themselves.

I can talk the talk and walk the walk, so long as I don't have to do both at the same time, and there is a significant rest period in between. Come to think of it, maybe I'll just sit the sit and mime the mime.

There really should have been "The Nurture Boy" to be "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair's nemesis. We could have settled this debate once and for all.

There aren't enough songs sung in rounds.

The thing about Little Shop of Horrors is that the shop was actually closer to medium sized.

What kind of dirt do apples have on all the other fruits to dominate the sauce market like this?

I am nowhere near qualified to make a judgment call.

I don't drink nearly enough elixirs.

"Well I'll never confuse my mouth with my butthole again." - guy who confused his mouth with his butthole.

If I were ever in position to buy a boat, I would have no idea what to do. This is an area of knowledge that I am severely lacking in. Do you test drive a boat, or just pick one out of a boat litter and hope for the best?

"TIL how to sit up!" - A baby

If time heals all wounds, why do we need bandaids?

Not enough people name their kids Socrates these days.

Plafalong should be a word.

I think it's a sign that you're getting older when all your pipe dreams have to do with plumbing issues.

I'd throw in the towel, but I need it after my shower.

Is there any shade that is too yellow to truly let mellow?

I wonder what the slow times at Ridgemont High were like.

Enough already, it's time for the silent letters to speak up.

Everything started to fall apart once we stopped counting in steamboats.

Do you think anyone has ever eaten all the types of cheese?

Today is the day! For what? Don't bog me down with the details.

'Everything is a band name' would make a pretty good band name.