i have a very strong feeling that this is going to be the last christmas i will experience

so exhausted from existing that even sleep isn't enough anymore...

2026 will be my year... hopefully

My christmas vacation finally started today, so now I now have around one month of free time. I ended up spending 11 hours working on personal projects today. It's genuinely such a good distraction from my otherwise completely broken and unenjoyable life.

meow

wow, the RAM & SSD shortage is worse than I thought, especially now with Micron bailing out of the consumer market. I'm glad I already have all the hardware I need for the forseeable future but this really sucks, especially for people that wanted to build their first ever PC...

maybe staying up for like 18 hours every day (along with a completely destroyed sleep schedule) is an absolutely horrible and unhealthy thing to do, no wonder I feel exhausted all the time

Life could be so peak if I didn't hate so many things about myself

I'm genuinely surprised how much shorter my work weeks feel ever since I switched from 5 days (monday to friday) to 4 days. (monday to thursday) Pay isn't that great but I feel less exhausted and got so much more time and energy to work on personal projects :D

i'm a few days late but... i've been out for a little over 3 months now. 🎉 maybe this isn't just some phase after all...

meow

Talked to my supervisor today and it looks like I'll have to stay in my current project until they find something new. So I guess I just have to make the best out of the current situation and somehow fix this giant mess...

meow

A few weeks ago I got assigned to a different software project at work. It's in such a horrible state that it literally negatively impacted my physical & mental health. I decided to speak up today and it looks like I'll be able to switch into a different project. So finally positive news :D

feeling a bit better today. i just have to go through 3 more weeks of work before my christmas vacation finally starts, but i'll likely just gonna spend all of that time by working on personal projects again

today is one of those days where i'm just praying that i just somehow stop existing after falling asleep. the world would just be a better place without me

I got myself a laptop so I can work on silly block squid game when I'm not at home :3

🩷

I don't know why... but every time I get close to anyone it just ends in disaster. This genuinely feels like a curse, like every time I make friends it's just a matter of time before they leave me because they find someone better or I have to distance myself from them because of weird stuff.

so eepi :c

it's so incredibly rough to think about how getting born into the wrong gender can just ruin your life like that. like yeah sure I now know that I want to be a woman... but I ended up wasting so much time and energy living as something I deeply hated.

I was kinda looking forward to splatoon's halloween splatfest but now that its actually live i lost any interest in participating. Working on personal projects is actually so much more fun rn tbh

There's so much bad stuff going on in my life right now, idk what I did to deserve all of this... I'm so close to giving up on myself again

:3

got new keycaps :3 it’s kinda cursed because i put ISO UK keycaps on a ISO DE kb layout, but it’s very nice to use despite some keys not really matching… finding good DE ISO keycaps is sadly very difficult :c (i’m also into tea now :D)

:3

everything went well :3

surgery tomorrow :c

if only there was a character customization screen in real life...

New blog post for Xenyria, including a new stage and some details regarding our future plans for PaintSquad. :3 xenyria.net/news/septemb...

Since I haven't properly introduced myself yet... Uhh haiii! I'm Luma :3 (she/her) I'm 24 years old, trans & pan. I write software for a living, but I also play & develop games in my free time. I'm into all kinds of fandoms, including Splatoon, UT/Deltarune, Genshin, The Owl House and more :D

Looks like I will have to keep looking for more therapists... the person I ran into was a walking red flag... :/ If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Literally best day this year so far :3 I'm just weeks away from therapy and might also be able to start with HRT before the end of this year. YIPPIE!!! :3 The only negative thing on my mind right now is wisdom teeth surgery (which is in 2 weeks...) :/

meow :3

i don't think i ever felt this peaceful & relaxed ever before in my entire life. transitioning literally saved me, even if i'm still months away from getting HRT. its been around 4 weeks since I came out and the quality of my life went up by so much, it's incredible.

i can't believe undertale is already 10 years old

:3

Finished implementing some of the core functionality for Xenon (Forklift + XEEM merged into one mod) today. Currently only Discord Rich Presence is working but I will also add back automatic camera mode switching & better right click detection for PaintSquad.

done with work for this week, time to work on my silly minecraft server again :3 tomorrow is xenyria's 10 year anniversary btw, it's crazy to think that this project carried me through so many dark times, and although we're still far away from our goal, i'm glad i never gave up.

searching for therapy is so difficult, i almost had a panic attack trying to send an email

It's soon autism

sleep schedule successfully ruined by being too silly :3

im so flooded with emotions rn. i just came out to my mom and she was extremely supportive, she even agreed to helping me find therapy so i can get the treatment i need. im the happiest person on this planet right now, im so glad im allowed to exist

i hate how much pain i’m going through because my parents might not accept me for who i am. i hate hearing my deadname every day, it just feels incredibly invalidating. i’m planning on coming out sometime next month/early october, i hope everything is gonna be alright, i just want to have a chance

Available on JetBrains Marketplace now :3 plugins.jetbrains.com/plugin/28246...

she is so silly :3

im so sleepy... :c

meow :3

I've worked on a small update for PrideBars that adds a few more customization options along with some new flags. Should be available on the JetBrains Marketplace in the coming days :3 (I'm still working on sorting out some rendering issues with Intel GPUs)

not comfortable enough to post this on Twitter, but I’m so glad I’m a girl now. 🏳️‍⚧️ I felt trapped for such a long time, suddenly everything feels so much more vibrant again, I genuinely enjoy living again. I’m so happy I met so many awesome friends, everyone is so supportive. You’re all so sweet <3