CNN isn’t going to get any traffic with Harris administration

Bill Burr is going to be born again MAGA by the end of this month. He will open a Trump rally before the end of the year.

I just feel like I’m going to hear a sing-song voice saying “Law Enforcement’s Intuition!” at some point

Virtual Harvey Weinstein is angry about that money he dropped on the virtual casting couch

*dave chapelle makes a goofy face, takes a drag, and chuckles*

The good news is we’re getting close to when it’s less monkeys taking at each other and more just tech talking to tech, so problem solved!

lol

TrumpCoins to spend at the TrumpStore!

You know that douche is going bail from the mortal coil right before all the really bad stuff starts

I’ve never seen the Haves taunt the Have Nots quite as openly as is the current trend

Renaming Excel AI to Johnny LLM

Kal ElElEm no!

Tangentially related, heard they’re also doing a movie sequel to The Social Network. Timely given the apparent rise of a sequel of sorts here.

Someone pointed out using your wife’s skincare products is simply payback for all the hoodies you’ve lost to them She was still aghast when she learned I used her exfoliating thing

Saudi money machine goes brrrr so of course Bill Burr showed up

The “actors are just props to tell my story…” folks are confused at the backlash

At least one had the idea of a new coupe to drive around in

I didn’t take a lot from Mr. Hemmerling’s class, but “representation without documentation is fertilization” always stuck with me.

Americans used to get that international pass from a lot. “Americans are cool if their government is shit”. We, as a collective, rightfully lost that privilege.

So many kids today will never have the joy of knowing their highschool locker room is also a fallout shelter

The entire NSA is currently set to find the president’s nose after someone stole it

All the collectors got to the American Dream first. One shows up on the used market occasionally, but for the most part they just get kept in the original box on some rich dude’s desk.

The president is tweeting about medbeds while churches are being shot up and set on fire. Props to everyone who is able to work through this shit sans chemicals.

Portland’s baristas woke up this morning to learn they were waristas

He’s going to be tweeting alien autopsy photos created by chatgpt before this is said and done

It’s still surreal how much the phrase “you could grow up to be president one day” has changed context during my lifetime

Insert Office Space for all you computer geeks

Wrap it up, humans

While traditionally a boy’s name, it has grown in popularity for girls the last few years

I know I’m impatient but I shouldn’t see a progress bar for moving 40 emails

Genesis, Sega CD, NeoGeo, Saturn, now Xbox. I keep losing the console wars.

Easy Comey, easy goey

It’s still block and roll to me

The biggest fear of death is the demise is one that becomes famous. “This terrible volcanic catastrophe. And look at this one guy petrified into stone on the toilet. Isn’t that funny!”

The Trump Presidential Library should really just be a synonym for “the full unabridged, unredacted collection of the Epstein files”.

I’m apparently far too literal on what accepted and tentative mean

Too many legal professionals being put in this position

Your skeets get followers. Mine gets me muted. We are not the same.

I’ll be very torn when he reenacts this scene

The greatest gift you can give me is canceling plans. Even things I’m legit excited for I get an amazing wave of relief.

Acetaminofiends get your hook up

Happy rapture to all that celebrate

All of the evidence to support Trump’s claims about Tylenol are clearly supported in the Epstein files

Sorry we let your fever spike, Timmy…

Thus the Fentanyl Lives Matter movement began

Bane here with your vaccine schedule reminder

He finally got around to that Tylenol murders documentary

I’ve been on those phone calls…

RSVPing to all my calls tomorrow as tentative for the rapture