receptionist at the dentist keeps asking people who’ve just had their appointment if they’re ‘all done’ like they’re approaching the desk to ride again because it was so much fun the first time

love it when the river is a mirror

Hammersmith Bridge at dusk tho

the problem is that I don’t have enough kazoos

that stage of the evening when grown adults are arranging celebrations in the order they find most delicious to least tasty, taking photos of the arrangements and discussing them with a passion that makes them feel like cheap chocolate sommeliers

ready to put this minging year in the bin happies in yours beautiful folks x

the kind of day where you won’t go anywhere that doesn’t have ‘soft’ lighting why is my face

had to boil a dodgy old baking spud so I could have the obligatory Boxing Day bubble n squeak because my brother makes the most insanely good roast potatoes and omg I wish we hadn’t eaten every last one of them yesterday

points have been made, literally

Merry Christmas you *filthy animals *lovely people 🎄❤️🎁💚🎅🏻

just had my first eye test, I have better than perfect eyes, the eyes of a child, vision of impeccable clarity so it’s just the spatial awareness I need to work on if I want the shins to be less bruised

phone has updated so my life is ruined what are these colours, why is photos like that, when will this feel less traumatic? (almost immediately but for now it’s unacceptable)

anyone got any minor problems you’d like me to assist in making bigger?

mini disks, the answer to a very short lived problem and now another of my ‘I’m keeping these because I’ll definitely be using them again in future’ (untruthful) problems

yet again my plans are being foiled by a small dog curled up on my lap gonna change the plans to enjoying the small dog curled up on my lap

I invite you to enjoy a look at a few pages of this decidedly tame jazz mag from 1958

that lead needs tidying but Christmas is happening

I don’t mean to brag but…

today I have learned that if you tell anyone you’re going to Costco, they react like you’ve going to Barbados or something (righty so, Costco’s ace)

sometimes I feel like I can’t cope and that’s when the universe sends me more bullshit to remind me that life can actually be better when it’s not worse

went to see this, it was great

off to see Jeremy Corbyn in panto - lol

BOOZE SOUP! BOOZE SOUP! BOOZE SOUP!

today’s topics on Storm Huntley are, as always, ‘are you someone who wouldn’t usually have the chance to, but would really like to do some racism on television?’ here’s the number to call the special guest today is daily mail columnist, satan himself

it’s officially fire time

phone just announced it had made a montage of carefully curated photos for me thought it would nice images of friends and family it was a selection of images of electricity meter readings set to 1980s electronica

ok, found the problem.. sinks haunted

started doing some plumbing am now wishing I was a plumber

one of the last things my father ever said to me was that he was ‘sorry about my edzachary disease’ - cue me falling straight into the trap, much to his amusement I will treasure that dad joke forever

frickles and battered Brussels sprouts with garlic and herb dip, Michelin Star worthy fodder

pretty places in the moonlight

gutted spooky season is ending as it means that the cobwebs festooning my home will now be deemed unacceptable again

I’m puppysitting Baby Keith and it turns out he’s a mental healthcare professional, he takes his job very seriously, I feel better all ready

my relaxed ‘putting things off until tomorrow’ has all too quickly turned into ‘well that should have been done many many days ago’ panic

they say that if you’re not living on the edge, you’re taking up too much room and that’s why I just used night cream in my face at 1pm in the afternoon 🤘

drank a coffee the size of which would be described by Americans as ‘big gulp’ and now I can see interdimensionally and I’m pretty sure I’m going to have a heart attack

best mate is obsessed with Henry the 8th and she just said that she ‘can sense which trees he urinated on in Richmond park’

on Monday, my mother joined my father I have been so blessed to have had the most wonderful parents, not everyone is so lucky and I’m so grateful for every second I had with them but feel robbed none the less the world is a less shiny place without them

only 4 laps left, it’ll be fine .. laptop dies

just watched The Ballard Of Wallis Island again and loved it even more than I did the first time, I highly recommend this wonderful film

Kim Kardashian is too chicken shit to get her nips pierced and has a crab louse infestation, who knows what might we learn (against our wills) from her next product launch

a standard volume pick one level of decibels, apply it across all platforms and devices please

I call them pistoffios because they’re delicious but it’s really annoying having to get them out of their shells

apropos of nothing, my top tip for not being called a knobhead is to not behave like one

my mates uber driver, Asif, is apparently drifting towards us … genuinely just approaching at a colossal speed, sideways on the map

don’t come into my house and fucking swear

I somehow ended up with ‘Good Morning Britain’ on my television and it has not made my morning good, quite the opposite in fact

I started to read a book on the city of Atlantis but I’ve lost it

“Introduce yourself using only one food you refuse to eat, one movie you’ll never watch again, and one song you can’t stand” Meat that has feet (pescatarian) Joker (genuinely wanted to walk out of the cinema) Hey Jude (na na na na na na NOPE feck off)

I struggle to wrap my head around Americans not using military time sure it’s 7 o clock but which one???? how can they live like that