Apologies in advance to all of the hoes who, once I get my espresso machine fixed, are inevitably going to have to listen to me condescendingly talk about coffee for the next few months

Sorry I can't join the match right now my cat is aura farming

I do not want to BUY a PRODUCT for MARKETING myself, I want to commission ART from an ARTIST that I can BANTER with and ASK to make my KNOT bigger

Artists being a year late with your comms can get annoying, but you have to understand that the alternative that listening to these losers would lead to is a shopping cart experience to buy generic porn of your sona for the sole purpose of twitter clout. I would much rather have the former

Making my beautiful talented twink fix my discounted espresso machine so that I may be even more gay and annoying

You ever see one of those republican gay face bottoms and you just know they grew up next to a chemical refinery

When I was a kid I thought those signs that said ROAD WORK 1000 FT meant the construction workers were literally digging 1000 feet into the ground, and I thought it was the coolest fucking thing ever

"Scab" is such an underrated insult. Invokes a visually gross image, leveled at someone who deserves it, completely based on their character and actions. Absolute classic. We need more shorthand for "you're a pathetic sellout to your community and you believe in nothing."

Opening a can of jalapeño bean dip in the kitchen and hearing me scramble down the stairs on all fours

The bookmark feature coming to bluesky really takes away from the thrill of the hunt that came from searching the same dozen friends on here to scroll down their profiles every time I want to jerk off. Fish in a barrel now. Not very sporting.

Disco Elysium mod that replaces the voice of the Logic skill with Jordan Peterson and replaces the Moralists with the Woke Moralists

Women should chase men as much as men chase women ❌ Tops should court and spoil bottoms the way straight men do with women because any passive sexual role is inherently incredibly vulnerable and you should be expected to earn their trust ✅✅✅✅✅

Looking for someone to be trapped under me and full of my cum while and I spend the 30 minutes following mansplaining to them what a blue note is

I just nutted in him and he's playing kingdom come: deliverance 2

Liquid oxygen both looking like this and being one of two things most rockets are filled with feels so right. Like look at that and tell me it doesn't look like spaceship fuel

I saw a halo 2 "rebalance" mod that took away the jackal sniper one hit kill and got so sick to my stomach I had to sit down

We used to dream about moments like this

We need to bring back fun sized candy. My options shouldn't be 500 calories of sugar or nothing. I should be able to take a smoke break, open a little pocket sized cardboard box, eat exactly 12 skittles to take the edge off, then go back to work

I have shooters everywhere (the guy at the store who ties the cilantro bundles really big)

Trump moving space command from Colorado Springs to Huntsville may be a strategically terrible move. Despite this I must support it due to the fact that it will make sellout defense contractors who must now move to Alabama piss their pants and cry, one of life's greatest joys

How do I find a rich person willing to pay me $300,000 a year to make extremely novel hoe scaring exotic chocolate for them to brag to their rich friends about

Just came in my boyfriend baked like a dog and he drove me to get a slurpy, this is the best day of my life

We need to start charging these hoes with stolen valor

Breaking and entering w/ @artiyote.bsky.social 💙

Suit sibling edition of #fursuitfriday! Featuring @mainenginecutoff.bsky.social

Mixed psilocybin and Benadryl and I met Mike and Ike

Hey, we saw you from across the bar and really liked your vibe

The great thing about the airport unlike everywhere else is that if you get there early you are rewarded by being drunk

Some appropriate reading for my flight to Vancouver today (Air Canada bitched out and gave the unions the money they deserve) (I'm getting puppy hole)

Hey can you hold this with your mouth for me real quick

My life goals include being the friend that both is too woke and also has the biggest biceps out of anyone you know

I know nothing about art criticism, but it really feels like the Superman and Fantastic Four movies represent a vision of America that embodies justice and righteousness that people actually want to live in, vs one that is driven entirely by meaningless, faux-nostalgic aesthetic slop, respectively

"Damn, I really wish I had a more convenient way to traverse this theme park" The humble monorail:

Listening to music I wrote ten minutes ago: garbage. derivative. trash. unoriginal. dogshit. unlistenable. Listening to music I wrote just now: wow. holy shit.

"Well, you see, it's a complicated situation. I think even this policy's greatest proponents should consider what's in their best interests before making any rash decisions that could backfire. 😏" -Mayor Pete when asked whether he wants to suck or felch at the piss pig cumslut darkrave

So pumped that I have my Slab, and now I get to be the Guy with the Slab. I'm going to put it on my barq with "ask me about my slab." People will see me passing at cons and say "yeah that's MECO, he never stops talking about his Slab." And they'll be right.

Kitten scratched up the boots I just got like three days ago. I was mad for like two seconds before realizing that means I have a beautiful little creature in my house. I love him very much and now my edgy punk boots represent that and I think that's very neat

I am going to make so much chocolate on this bad bitch

Me: man I sure do love pissing The Cat of Accompaniment:

Just handed my boyfriend a credit card to buy some new door handles for our lovely home, and the first thing he does is slide it down the back of my juicy ass

Engineer (derogatory)

you know I stay strapped with that

Polycule group commission of my partners and I as the Willy Wonka grandparents in the giant bed

Breakfast with the wife @belltelfox.bsky.social ❤️ 💙

Had a dream that I was touring a Russian spacecraft facility. I was led by a short rotund man who walked me by a bunch of subscale models. Every time we would get to one I would ask about it, and he would respond in a thick accent "AH, yes, [spacecraft]. I HATE this one" to every single one of them

I would give an arm and a leg to know what kind of game Revenant Hill would have been and I'd pay 5,000 dollars for the soundtrack alone

Getting pictures from a woman of her naked body is like being defibrillated 100 times in one second

not now kitten the rot has taken hold

Israelis are failing to understand the Phantom Menace misdirection like quality of the new Superman where if you attempt to call out the ethnicity of the vague fictional people it actually makes you the racist one. Oldest trick in the book

Chocolate tempering demo at a con but I do it by tabling it on the flattest twink you've ever seen