If I was Ollie Watkins, I’d tell Tuchel *exactly* what I thought about his tactics in the Semi-Final and tell him to fuck off into the sea via the press. The most in-form striker going into the tournament and gets 8 minutes. What a joke.

Better, etc.

Shiiiit Getting to that age where the top of my head gets burnt 43 years - not a bad innings 🤷🏼

There’s a level of “don’t give a fuck” that only a Spanish barman at an all-inclusive resort can possess. A vodka orange you said? Is 99% vodka and a medicinal amount of Fanta ok, boss? How about some more Vodka? I don’t care, here, have some more. Surprised I’m still able to turn my phone on.

The only way to watch the game: In a hotel bar in Fuerteventura

Not looking forward to witnessing Emi’s shithousery from what is usually everyone else’s POV tonight

We’re so used to this Pep-ball that the outlet literally on the touchlines isn’t being utilised quickly enough. Boring.

Both my girls have stayed up to watch the football with me. Feel like this could be one of those things that they remember from childhood

Konsa at right back does not sound like a good idea. Football fans around the country have seem to forgotten how good a central defender he is against Haaland and his type - I think the whole game rests on this decision #ENGNOR

My favourite tagline so far has been “By-Election Vs. Buy-Election” It’s coming Chrome. Clacton has the opportunity to do *the funniest* thing

Every kid I teach - and that’s about 300 a week - is currently obsessed with Michael Jackson. Want to learn the songs, dance the moves, everything. Don’t like it. Don’t think it’s appropriate.

I’m absolutely appalled that the constituents of Clacton will only be able to choose between a joke, comedy character lacking in integrity and Count Binface.

Although taking the money was fully the right thing to do, I feel really sorry that Jhon Duran who – seemingly – hasn't had the help and support he needs. I can't help but think that if he had stayed under Unai's tutelage, he may have been *the star* of this World Cup.

With due apologies to our US friends on here but Donnie sure knows how to unite the world!!

This looks terrifying. And it is. My second daughter was that size when she was born. The birth was easy - the months of constant stress and arguments with health officials that followed were not. She’ll be 6 next month and, despite a rocky start, is absolutely perfect.

We’re all Belgium tonight, right? Fuck #FIFA

I’ve now become so engrained in “The Gym” that I gave some dude a distinctly British “tut” as he - for the ninth time - threw weights across the floor or kicked dumbbells to where he wanted them. He had headphones on but regardless, I Iike to think he caught the vibe I gave.

Think I've found my musical obsession for this summer. Part Carole King, part early Ben Folds, most parts awesome. open.spotify.com/track/59OeTj...

It’s the only way today. THIRTY FOUR DEGREES

It has become one of my favourite parts of my week - going to Tesco and, when seeing a fellow Villa fan in a shirt, we share an energetic “UP THE VILLA” and then go on our way

I’ve been going to the gym regularly for 6 weeks. I couldn’t lift, move, press anything. Trying to lift 2kg over my head several times *hurt* the first time I’ve just sat on some of the machines and done a full set at 100lbs and walked away. Progress!

It’s days like this when I’m so glad my daughter has taken up Ice Skating rather than some other stupid sport that requires being outside. Ask me again in December, though.

"...On a hot summer night would you offer your throat to wolf with the red roses?" Does he have air con? youtu.be/_wO8toxinoc?...

My local library has been ordered by its Reform Council to remove any LGBTQ… displays and promotions during Pride Month. Very much looking forward to the 1930s German History displays that will go up in their place.

Called it.

At one of my schools playing bass for their production this week. Sunday morning band calls require a large coffee. However, I do get a run out at on my 1974 American Deluxe Jazz bass which usually just looks pretty hanging on my wall

I can’t be the only person who has to double, if not triple-take his name every time?

I’ve been quite pregnant with this thought. If I had a trillion pounds, I would do some frivolous stuff like buy Aston Villa and a house in Monaco, but you’d have to physically stop me trying to stop world hunger, fund worldwide healthcare, stop climate change and cure every disease known

Musk a trillionaire. Absolutely foul.

In more recent news, said school has been "promised to re-open in September" with local MP and PM getting involved in the sheer sketchiness of this asset strip. Mark my words though - come next June, it'll be the same story and the historic buildings will become a hotel or spa.

Had to drill another hole in my belt today. TO MAKE IT SMALLER, BITCHES!!

Local private school closing down in a few weeks. Sad for the staff and pupils (many of whom I know) but when you run education like a business, it was always going to happen.

Man City have offered £105m for Elliot Anderson? Forest should make it £115m for the banter

I have a 3D printer. His name is Harold. Harold Printer. Sometimes I make myself laugh so much.

This is one perk of living in Padel-ville (Tory-Tennis Town). The playing fields are so well looked after you could play bowls off most of it

Trying to find a leak. Second hole needed. Not going well.

Sun’s out, 16 degrees Girls are in the park, I’m walking around the park trying to get back to fighting 2013 weight. What a time to be alive

Get Harvey Elliot on.

Great news about Southampton being thrown out of the playoffs. Annoying that Hull now only get a few days notice of their opponent, but glad that the deterrent of the law has been upheld. Well done The Football.

Finally submitted by tax return, got £600 back from HMRC because I’d overpaid. Received updated tax calculation for July that’s gone up by £500. To quote Tom Waits, “What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away”

Attempting to bake a cheesecake today.

Top Bins

Well, I bet Wes Streeting is having a lovely evening. This morning, heir-apparent to Prime Minister: just before Rayner *suddenly* gets the all clear from the tax man and someone steps aside for Burnham to run. Smug, careerist opportunistic twit hasn’t got a chance.

So I take it that, if they get promoted, we’re all gonna hate Southampton, right?

Between 21-23, I worked in a guitar shop. National chain. “Miscellaneous items” such as plectrums were under a single code which meant they often disappeared. Twenty years later, having played guitar nearly every day since whether teaching or on tour, I’ve finally had to buy a new bag of plectrums.

SATS week. Where all year 6 pupils go nuts over something that doesn’t matter. But it does mean that I get loads of free time so here we are!

And with that, Villa can’t finish lower than 7th. EuroVilla guaranteed!

So ‘The Substance’ is fucked. up.

Let’s see how the teenagers of Nottingham enjoy this ensemble

Once, my old band travelled 8 hours to support a fairly large band and not only did everyone stay outside for our set, the sound guy left the board set and also fucked off. We played to a literal empty room. Little hurts me now.