America’s leader.

Trump is like an amalgam of Tony Soprano and the Verbum Dei School girls soccer coach that molested the players.

New hat just dropped in the White House merch store.

Trump doesn’t have a driver’s license so when he goes to vote and they ask for his ID he hands them his passport.

Real vs. Wannabe: Newsom is tall, handsome, articulate, and bedded Don Jr.’s ex-girlfriend. Trump wears shoe lifts, covers himself in make-up and spray tan, bumbles the eight words he knows, and only fantasizes about bedding Don Jr.’s sister.

“Vladimir, if you don’t end this war immediately, I’m going to sanction…” “Mr. Trump, before you say another word, you should know I’ve got the pee tape right here in my briefcase.” 🥶 And scene. 🎬

Trump got dogwalked like a Siberian Husky.

Trump got rolled like a blini.

The Kremlin’s ballroom is the room where Putin keeps Trump’s balls.

A good leader asks how do we end homelessness and a bad leader asks how do we get the homeless out of my sight. I don’t even have to ask which one you think Tangerine Palpatine is.

Building camps, rounding up homeless, taking over cities with troops, demonizing minorities, trying to rig elections, planning to take over other countries. Guys, c’mon.

Perhaps it was a bad idea to rank everyone in the country based on character and then make the guy on the bottom of the list president.

There really is an emergency in DC and it’s that the occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue is Pedophile Hitler.

The only place crime is actually up in D.C. is at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

If you pimp out your house in a tacky gold-plated motif soon after complaining that a rival pimp “stole” your girl, you are a pimp. Our president is a pimp.

If you’re in ICE custody and expect comfortable living conditions, maybe you should have tried trafficking children to a rich pedophile rapist to share with the president. That seems to work.

Trump used to fashion himself as a ladies man like Wilt Chamberlain but as a president ended up more like Neville Chamberlain.

Trump up on the White House roof was just one mis-step away from making America great again.

Trump redecorating the White House to look like a bordello seems like a desperate ploy to entice Melania to visit.

He ran for president again to stay out of jail, take massive bribes, and turn the White House into a garish resort he can rent out for weddings.

If we can punch Trump’s impeachment card a third time he will go down in eternal infamy and win a free sub at participating Jersey Mike’s restaurants.

THE NEW ECONOMICS: Keynes: “When the facts change, I change my opinion. What do you do, sir?” Trump: “I claim the facts are rigged and out to get me.”

He won the 2020 election, unemployment is going down, gas is $1.99, he was never impeached, he settled six wars, and he’s the fair-and-square all-time golf club champion. Learn MAGA history, people.

He wasn’t impeached, the jobs report is strong, and Trump is a former NBA slam dunk champion. #MAGAhistory

If you’re surprised that a Republican president is driving the economy into recession, welcome back from your coma.

Anybody who can fabricate a non-sordid explanation for what a 16-year old girl was doing “working” in Trump’s spa wins a patronage job in the administration.

In 2016 and 2020, Trump got 46% of the vote. In 2025, 46% of those polled believe Trump is a pedophile. Magadagadoo.

“… also, South Park is fake news, Mr. Trump in fact is hung like a rhinoceros.” - Ghislaine Maxwell, after pardon

Trump could get Ghislaine Maxwell to swear he never did anything wrong with the girls and also that he has a gargantuan schlong and MAGA wouldn’t have any questions at all.

How do you reconcile presidential immunity with “15 will get you 20?” Asking for keepers of decency.

As the saying goes, 15 will get you 20. But somehow for Trump, it got him Air Force One.

“We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” - FDR “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.” - JFK “I myself never had the privilege of visiting my friend’s child rape island.” - DJT

Who among us hasn’t been at odds with our prolific child sex trafficking buddy for stealing “the help” away from our resort? It’s a common tale.

If you’re trying to predict whether Ghislaine Maxwell will get a pardon, don’t forget to apply the First Law Of Trumpodynamics: think of what the right and good thing would be to do, then go with the opposite.

Trump’s golf game coincides with his sexual preferences which is why he plays his best on the 14th, 15th, and 16th holes.

Qanon swore to me that the guy now poised to pardon and release the world’s most notorious child sex trafficker was a superhero “secretly” busting and imprisoning the world’s child sex traffickers.

Trump is claiming the birthday card to Epstein was forged and the list of suspects is virtually endless.

One of Maxwell’s conditions for saying Trump is innocent is a pardon. One of Trump’s conditions for a pardon is when she’s out she’ll bring him more underage girls. The art of the deal.

I’m pretty sure using the pardon power to elicit false statements from the person who recruited and brought you underage girls to rape is not what the Constitutional Convention had in mind.

Because POTUS (POTUS) … is on the list…

“We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” - FDR “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.” - JFK “I have no age limit, well ok, not 12 year olds.” - DJT

Joe Biden knows damn well who he pardoned but Donald Trump doesn’t even know who he appointed as Fed chairman.

Trump didn’t know that he was the one that appointed Powell because it was the autopen that appointed Powell.

Remembering that Hall & Oates classic: 🎵 Because POTUS (POTUS) is on the list It’s those teen girls (teen girls) he can’t resist Because POTUS is on the list, be sure to read him his rights 🎵

I think the powerful men who raped teenage girls should be in a steaming hot crowded cage in an alligator-infested swamp and the people who crossed the border to work on farms should be in a hotel with a room service stipend, but maybe that’s just me.

STOP TALKING ABOUT LEOPOLD! - Loeb STOP TALKING ABOUT BONNIE! - Clyde STOP TALKING ABOUT EPSTEIN! - Trump

Whether it be by deportation, disease, or natural disaster, making America “great” again is clearly about depopulating it.

Noem’s 72-hour delay was the time it took for her to understand that if she put on a Superman costume she wouldn’t actually be able to fly in and save people.

America is the Betty White of countries: it died just on the brink of a milestone birthday.