On being asked if she was going to join Alcoholics Anonymous : "Certainly not. They'd want me to stop now." #DorothyParker #Parker

Of Elmer Rice: "Without question the worst fuck I ever had." #DorothyParker #Parker

Of the Volney Hotel in New York, where she had an apartment: "The kind of hotel where businessmen install their mothers and then run." #DorothyParker #Parker

Three highballs, and I think I'm St. Francis of Assisi. #DorothyParker #Parker

After spending some time in the company of a handsome sun-burnt young film star in Hollywood: "Ah yes. His is the hue of availability." #DorothyParker #Parker

On being warned by her doctor that if she didn't stop drinking she would be dead within a month: "Promises, promises!" #DorothyParker #Parker

Resume Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live. #DorothyParker #Parker

Oh, I said it all right. You know how it is. A joke. When people expect you to say things, you say things. Isn't that the way it is? #DorothyParker #Parker

Thought For a Sunshiny Morning It costs me never a stab or squirm To tread by chance upon a worm. "Aha, my little dear," I say, "Your clan will pay me back one day." #DorothyParker #Parker

Of Elmer Rice: "Without question the worst fuck I ever had." #DorothyParker #Parker

Of a play by Channing Pollock: "The House Beautiful" is The Play Lousy. #DorothyParker #Parker

Telegram sent to two friends who had been living together and then got married: "WHAT'S NEW?" #DorothyParker #Parker

I was the toast of two contintents : Greenland and Australia. #DorothyParker #Parker

Comment Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, A medley of extemporanea; And love is a thing that can never go wrong, And I am Marie of Roumania. #DorothyParker #Parker

When the New Yorker editor, Harold Ross, asked her why she hadn't been to the office during the week to write her usual piece: "Someone was using the pencil." #DorothyParker #Parker

Summary Every love's the love before In a duller dress. That's the measure of my lore - Here's my bitterness: Would I knew a little more, Or very much less! #DorothyParker #Parker

Reuben's Children Accursed from their birth they be Who seek to find monogamy, Pursuing it from bed to bed - I think they would be better dead. #DorothyParker #Parker

Unfortunate Coincidence By the time you swear you're his, Shivering and sighing, And he vows his passion is Infinite, undying - Lady, make a note of this: One of you is lying. #DorothyParker #Parker

Of the Volney Hotel in New York, where she had an apartment: "The kind of hotel where businessmen install their mothers and then run." #DorothyParker #Parker

Cherry White I never see that prettiest thing - A cherry bough gone white with spring - But but what I think, "How gay 'twould be To hang me from a flowering tree." #DorothyParker #Parker

On being told that someone wouldn't hurt a fly: "Not if it was buttoned up." #DorothyParker #Parker

It's not the tragedies that trick us. It's the messes. I can't stand messes. #DorothyParker #Parker

Braggart You will be frail and musty With peering, furtive head, While I am young and lusty Among the roaring dead. #DorothyParker #Parker

Of a performance by Katherine Hepburn: "She ran the whole gamut of emotions, from A to B." #DorothyParker #Parker

I was the toast of two contintents : Greenland and Australia. #DorothyParker #Parker

George Reith's "The Art of Successful Bidding" is well over my head. I can't even jump for it. #DorothyParker #Parker

The ugliest modern gesture - that of a man looking at his wrist-watch! #DorothyParker #Parker

Oh, I said it all right. You know how it is. A joke. When people expect you to say things, you say things. Isn't that the way it is? #DorothyParker #Parker

Telegram to an actress who finally had her baby after many carefully contrived appearances during her long pregnancy: "GOOD WORK. WE ALL KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU." #DorothyParker #Parker

News Item Men seldom make passes At girls who wear glasses. #DorothyParker #Parker

Oscar Wilde If, with the literate, I am Impelled to try an epigram, I never seek to take the credit; We all assume that Oscar said it. #DorothyParker #Parker

Did you ever realise there are just no dogs in Philadelphia? Oh, what an ugly place. #DorothyParker #Parker

I require only three things of a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid. #DorothyParker #Parker

Of Margot Asquith's four-volume autobiography: "The affair between Margo Asquith and Margo Asquith will live as one of the prettiest love stories in all literature." #DorothyParker #Parker

Name for a pet parrot: "Onan" (because he spilled his seed on the bottom of his cage.) #DorothyParker #Parker

Braggart You will be frail and musty With peering, furtive head, While I am young and lusty Among the roaring dead. #DorothyParker #Parker

Hazel Morse was a large, fair woman of the type that incites some men when they use the word "blonde" to click their tongues and wag their heads roguishly. #DorothyParker #Parker

Of the Yale prom: "If all those sweet young things were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised." #DorothyParker #Parker

Three highballs, and I think I'm St. Francis of Assisi. #DorothyParker #Parker

Introducing her first husband: "I want you to meet my little husband." #DorothyParker #Parker

Of the 1930s: "They were progressive days. We thought we were going to make the world better - I forget why we thought it, but we did." #DorothyParker #Parker

It's not the tragedies that trick us. It's the messes. I can't stand messes. #DorothyParker #Parker

Challenged to use the word "horticulture" in a sentence: "You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think." #DorothyParker #Parker

To someone who congratulated her with the words "What are you complaining about? You're married to a charming, handsome man who adores you. What more do you want?" : "Presents." #DorothyParker #Parker

Her locks had been so frequently and so drastically brightened and curled that to caress them, one felt, would be rather like running one's fingers through julienne potatoes. #DorothyParker #Parker

Never trust a round garter or a Wall Street man. #DorothyParker #Parker

Of a Hollywood neighbour who had had his portrait painted in the nude with outsize genitals: "It's so real, you almost feel he could speak to you, don't you?" #DorothyParker #Parker

I require only three things of a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid. #DorothyParker #Parker

I hate Women. They get on my Nerves. #DorothyParker #Parker

On being told at a Halloween party that people were ducking for apples: "There, but for a single consonant, is the story of my life." #DorothyParker #Parker