‘Twas the night before Xmas, And all through the Mall, Not a retail employee was stirring, A shout out to all! Me, all punned out & Santa icing his lap Settling down to A Cinnabon snack Back to the North Pole It’s ok, I’m alright 🥹 Merry Creepymas to all To all a good night.🎄

That’s a wrap at the most Mall.

Gonna miss you guys. A year is a long time away from friends old and new in my hometown of Dartmouth. You always welcome me back with apprehensive arms while embracing my weirdness. I might be a social media star but I’ll never firget my roots.👑 Sorry, getting a little sappy.🎄

HAPPY FIRSTIVUS TO ALL WHO CELEBRATE

LAST DAY TO GET CREEPED OUT!

‼️IMPORTANT REMINDER‼️ I’m only here until the 23rd I don’t want any disappointed children brought before me on the 24th after I’m put back into hibernation mode. This also applies to Cinnabon sacrifices. I don’t want to miss out on free carbs. Love Woody 💚🎄🎩

Don’t worry, he pays rent.

LESS THAN 3 DAYS UNTIL VACAY

This could be a podcast

I shall call him, Mini Me

“She’s a beaut, Clarke.”

Copy and Paste to Hang a Decoration on the Tree ☆ ///|\\ 👁️🫦👁️ 👶🏻\_○ ////||||||\\\\\ || |||| _/\_

Just discovered Reddit. 13/10

This impending snow better not affect the parade of frightened toddlers waiting to flee from me. I have a quota.

So glad Steve Murphy continues to host Christmas Daddies after his retirement from the news. Who else has the skills to turn Scrooge’s attitude around in the allotted time limit every year?

SLEIGH, QUEENS 👌

🎶 Don't call it a comeback, I been ‘round for years I'm rockin' it here, puttin' kiddos in fear Makin' the tears rain down like a monsoon Listen to my voice, they be runnin real soon Coniferous, overpowerin' Over the bewildered, I'm towerin' Wrecking shop, when I drop 🎤👑

The Mall rents me out as an Airbnb for raccoons on weekends.

Thanks fir the visit, everyone! It was a very good day. 💚💚💚

Old School

"Now cracks a creepy heart. Good night, sweet prince, and flights of Cinnabons send thee to thy contractually agreed upon rest."

Another one of my minions job shadowing.

WHO DID THIS??! call me

Every morning before I take on the day I get a pep talk from a LUSH employee and if the Government is really serious about renewable energy sources they should definitely talk to Bree.

giant tree needs to get in touch with its inner holiday glutton

Look at all the delicious children in line to see me today! Mall Management: “Ahem” Darling, I meant darling. [Narrator] He did not.

That number seems low… I MEAN MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Mmm, peanuts…

I mean…

Peggys Cove black rocks prevention team should def give me a call.

Don’t forget to get baked this holiday season

Awkward

Not sure if anyone else can see it but the Ghost Of Penhorn Mall hangs out here almost everyday. I swear if I have to hear one more Sears Portrait Studios story.

Me when the weed gummy hits:

Black Friday Mall crowds aren’t that crazy. Take it from someone who survived the great Cabbage Patch Kids mob of 1983.

Since there are no kids lined up for twenty blocks to see me right now I’m just randomly critiquing peoples gift purchases as they walk by. This could be a show.

When you find a Salon in the Mall.