A crate of clementines but the clementines are Terry’s chocolate oranges. Bring it to me.

Sleighed

Thought it was a chia pet ngl

Now this is some fanfic I can endorse

First thing to do is to bribe one of these mall security guards into becoming my Donair mule for the season.

Mall Management is currently scouring security footage for the elderly lady who dropped off those special brownies.

Forgot all about the Noon Gun. Almost sapped myself.

Getting to sleep in until Noon on Sundays is the main reason I keep agreeing to come back each year.

Reminder: I don’t wake up until Noon on Sundays. Please don’t bring your kids my way earlier, expecting witty banter. Try Lou The Not So Big On Small Talk Food Court Fern instead. He’s a good listener.

Great first day!

Yo, where is my top hat? Was the contract with Tip Top Tailor too rich for Management?

I’m Labubus want to cosplay me cool 😎

I creep you out? There’s a store in this Mall with buckets of bear body parts.

Woody the Talking Christmas Tree awakens in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia! Do you love him? Or? 🎄😅🤪

In photos – Woody is up!  With the help of an eager gathering, this famous tree has woken up and is ready to greet guests at Mic Mac Mall! More photos on our website at waterfrontmediahfx.the902hxir.ca/99697-2

the beast awakens today

Keep em coming, subjects.

What floor is the Optician on?

EVERYTHING here IS AWESOME

Woody The Talking Tree has awakened from his slumber to usher in another Christmas season. While he may seem slightly unsettling, all Woody asks for is Cinnabon sacrifices. But where did he come from? This is the story of Woody The Talking Tree. 🧵1/6

When you see the price of groceries

I’m back, birches.

Really though, which is more terrifying on a Saturday? Visiting me or a Costco?

Lost sleep worrying about what part of my anatomy the Mall will sabotage in an attempt to gain worldwide coverage again the year.

r u d e

Mayor Gloria McCluskey just came by and blessed me with some Darkside holy water (A can of Olands) so I am good to go! See y’all tomorrow!

“While visions of Cinnabons danced in his head.” 🎩

Come visit the Mall tomorrow at 10am for my triumphant return and be sure to bring the kids! No reason why they shouldn’t get to experience the same talking tree induced trauma you seem to wax nostalgic about. I mean, MERRY CHRISTMAS! 🎩

That time I was going to unleash the Mall’s Lawyers on the Town of Kentville until I took a closer look.

Just because my eyes are closed doesn’t mean I can’t hear conversations, Pam. Spoiler: He will actually not appreciate matching novelty vests as an early Christmas gift.

‘Twas the night before Xmas, And all through the Mall, Not a retail employee was stirring, A shout out to all! Me, all punned out & Santa icing his lap Just settled down to A Cinnabon snack Back to the North Pole It’s ok, I’m alright Merry Creepymas to all To all a good night.🎄

Gonna miss you guys. A year is a long time away from friends old and new in my hometown of Dartmouth. You always welcome me back with apprehensive arms while embracing my weirdness. I might be a social media star but I’ll never firget my roots.👑 Sorry, getting a little sappy.

DAY 23/24! FINAL DAY $455 HOME STRETCH PACK from Trainyard Store, Dee Dee’s Ice Cream, The Floatation Centre, Trip Chaser Games, Elizabeth Kinsman Art, Katie Bette Embroidery & Bardbardbard Cards. CUT OFF IS 11:59PM! Details at AndyVent.Ca Buy tix: rafflebox.ca/raffle/feedns

LAST DAY TO GET CREEPED OUT!

Yes, this pleases me human. I shall spare another toddler.

One time someone tossed me a LUSH bath bomb instead of a Cinnabon and parents thought I had rabies so Mall Security called Animal Control and that’s why they inspect all sacrifices now.

‼️IMPORTANT REMINDER‼️ I’m only here until the 23rd I don’t want any disappointed children brought before me on the 24th after I’m put back into hibernation mode. This also applies to Cinnabon sacrifices. I don’t want to miss out on free carbs. Love Woody 💚🎄🎩

😭😭😭💚

Kids, salt trucks are a lot like Santa. Just because you believe they are real doesn’t mean you’ll ever see one.

Mall is scouring security footage for the elderly lady who dropped off those special brownies.

That moment you realize there are only 4 days left to terrorize kids, dispense Dad joke level puns & accept frosted carb sacrifices.