Hylobatidae
@waninggibbons.bsky.social
📤 667
📥 572
📝 1486
Kiwi, science guy, comedy writer, dandy, neurodivergent 18+
I like describing my current YouTube interest in misleading but still accurate ways to see if anyone can guess. For example, right now I'm enjoying watching three twinks play hide and seek across Europe.
8 days ago
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This makes me hopeful that Zuckerberg might give AI the instruction 'Delete the uggos' and accidentally obliterate Facebook
add a skeleton here at some point
20 days ago
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When a male coworker talks about a recent success I like to compliment them by saying "Wow, beauty AND brains"
23 days ago
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"Maybe she's born with it" Maybe it's none of your fucking business Greg.
30 days ago
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Chalamet tell me a story
about 1 month ago
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John Rigatoni Ravioli Tolkein
about 1 month ago
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If I could go back in time I'd convince JRR Tolkien to let me insert the phrase 'Slutty little' somewhere in Lord of the Rings.
about 1 month ago
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I just found out my daughter puts her friends on hold by putting her phone down next to her laptop and playing music videos.
about 1 month ago
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Guillermo Del Toro knew women would choose the bear decades before it hit popular discourse.
about 1 month ago
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But what about the nuggets currently floating in the Wellington Harbour?
add a skeleton here at some point
about 1 month ago
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Loving this latest season of Bridgertown.
about 1 month ago
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YouTube ads think I'm a gym fanatic but in reality I'm hooked on the high caffeine powdered drinks they sell on clearance. For 20 bucks you too can stare calmly into the face of reality itself.
about 2 months ago
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Just think, there was probably a guy we could have killed two hundred years ago and ended up with a world where we're all moderately wealthy and generally horny.
about 2 months ago
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"This next song is about the time a guy drank the last of my booze, gave me some useless poker tips, then rolled over and fucking died." - Kenny Rogers
about 2 months ago
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For you see Odysseus was wise, and had his men plug their ears so that they would not hear the sirens. And that, Officer, is why I hit that ambulance.
about 2 months ago
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ME: What's a coconut. THEM: It's a hairy ball. ME: .... THEM: Filled with nut meat. ME: Be for real now.
about 2 months ago
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My wife fell down the tradwife rabbit hole and now she wants to stay at home eating woodchips. Yet another example of internalised mahogany.
about 2 months ago
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Crushed to log on to the internet to discover that I am, in fact, alive.
about 2 months ago
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Getting back into my meme game
about 2 months ago
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I got ChatGPT mixed up with Chaturbate but I don't plan on changing. These ladies are very informed.
2 months ago
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My New Years resolution is to hunt down and kill everyone with the same New Years resolution as me.
2 months ago
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In DnD terms Hozier is what you get when the guy who always plays necromancers tries out a bard for a change.
2 months ago
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I'm no fashionista but I'm pretty sure any outfit can be improved by adding a belt. Which means that outfit can be further improved by adding a belt and so on and so forth until you reach perfection.
2 months ago
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Garlic aioli confuses me because isn't garlic already a key ingredient of aioli? Did we somehow turn aioli into mayonnaise?
2 months ago
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"I've been around the block a few times." ~ Man who couldn't find a park
2 months ago
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Just discovered I've been opening pomegranates wrong and that's completely fucked up my day.
2 months ago
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If by hung like a horse you mean spooked by fireworks then yes I am.
2 months ago
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I'm a feminist, which is why I refuse to let male mosquitos off the hook.
2 months ago
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I love discovering the origins of everyday items so you can imagine how let down I was when I did a deep dive on chopping boards.
2 months ago
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People say you shouldn't ask a wishing well for sex but I say in for a penny in for a pound.
2 months ago
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Well obviously there was a data breach. They're not called 'Manage My Health Data' for a reason.
2 months ago
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The real virtue signalling is eating rum and raisin ice cream
2 months ago
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Drinking every type of fake sugar so they can battle it out for the glory of taking me down.
3 months ago
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Play me one of your horny dead songs Hozier
3 months ago
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Oedipus was the first ever victim of 'Hot MILFs in your area'
3 months ago
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My kid calls pillow cases 'pillow sheets' and she's not wrong.
3 months ago
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Fellow ADHDers with sleep problems, have you tried drinking ungodly amounts of caffeine throughout the day so you can pass out to the soothing sounds of a gentle voiced American narrating his game of Rimworld. It's an absolute game changer.
3 months ago
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It's sort of fitting that most of the guys who take part in Movember end up looking like the host of a Mens Mental Health podcast.
4 months ago
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When I'm in a helmet kicking competition but I'm up against Aragorn son of Arathorn, also called Elessar, the Elfstone, Dúnadan, the heir of Isildur Elendil's son of Gondor.
4 months ago
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Every time a bell rings an angel gets horny
4 months ago
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It naturally tracks therefore that vampires only come in you if you invite them.
5 months ago
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Actually it IS very romantic to, when you get a 'MILFS IN YOUR AREA' ad, show it to your wife and say "Look, they found you".
5 months ago
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Local election results. Surprisingly the guy with the slogan 'I genuinely care' didn't make it in.
5 months ago
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Still think about this interaction at work. MANAGER: This project is going really well, you're really the biggest liability. ME: Yeah I'm a mess. MANAGER: No no no! I mean you're the only one who knows how it all works!
5 months ago
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Nah but also the fastest evolving cells of all humanity so suck it.
add a skeleton here at some point
5 months ago
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The penguins in our area have more chicks than anywhere else hut when I call them 'Little Tuxedo Sluts' the normies get mad.
5 months ago
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It's-a me, Overall!
5 months ago
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I don't trust anyone who doesn't have an inner monologue. What the fuck do you mean you go through life without an oversight committee.
5 months ago
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Jerk off bros have cumradery
5 months ago
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What movie quote would you have on your headstone? Mine is: 'That'll do pig. That'll do.'
6 months ago
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