everyone needs to stop sharing that andrew tate beatdown, i can only masturbate so much, please

Milo Yiannopoulos has let himself go huh

Stewart Lee's 6 minute joke about Ang Lee is still such a work of art even 20-odd years later www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHC1...

ah that explains it

"to boldly go only where ive been before" -captain picard if he had an anxiety disorder

sorry i yelled EVEN IN DEATH I SERVE THE OMNISSIAH while we were having sex

there's a time in every man's life when he wakes up and accepts that it might finally be time to get into warhammer

fifa giving trump a peace prize is like two arsonists giving each other fire safety certificates

*animal naming department* 1: ummm snootbadger 2: too silly 1: wizard's slipper 2: too fantastical 1: sneaky hoover 2: no 1: ok i dunno what does it fuckin eat

i don't care much about money but just once i'd like to have to declare my watch at an airport

i sleep with a knife under my pillow in case someone breaks in during the night but they also have a cake

this photo on my local facebook marketplace is absolutely killing me

for a while i really was the best copywriter in the sex toy industry

Sex And The City and King Of Queens were in the same cinematic universe, I will not be argued with

I should really unsubscribe from this business, I get a heart attack every time they email me

i have a self driving car. A car i drive myself.

tryna buy this cool sign but the clerk keeps putting it back :(

*god naming animals* god: made a new whale angel: cool god: big as fuck, the biggest one with teeth anyway angel: nice what you gonna call it god: jizz whale angel: can we rein that one in a bit god: FINE

how is strictly come dancing STILL going, if strictly was a politician it would have resigned and hired a pr agency by now

sorry i yelled TREAT ME LIKE AI AND MAKE ME GENERATE SLOP while we were having sex

man im hungry, i could eat a whole UR ASS

i dont know how to pronounce meatus and at this point its too late to ask

what happened bro

"ya know, Google was originally called BackRub, sometimes it's good to rethink the business name" -brand manager at Otis Spunkmeyer, every single day

one of my hobbies is deliberately saying bubo instead of boba until someone corrects me

all im saying is theres been a significant rise in misinformation and anti-intellectualism since they closed down yahoo answers

who kicked the internet plug out again

jeez one of my sobriety Q&A videos got adult-restricted because towards the end I described a tattoo I have of someone committing seppuku

science is fun

shit i missed the anniversary of the funniest thing that's ever happened

when you post a good skeet i don't hit the like button i read it softly into a tupperware box and bury it in the garden for future generations to enjoy

looking for investors for my new project TwatGPT, dunno what it is yet but i've heard investors are very stupid so hit me up

STOP GROWING YOU IDIOT

Two 5.6 earthquakes here in a day after not a single one over 4 for a year. Sleeping with my shoes on tonight :)

sorry i said like and subscribe while we were having sex

@hleehurley.com Thanks for the boost Lee!

I'm looking for a 3D artist with graphic design ability too. The work is SFW, but it's a for a new masturbator brand I've been working on for the last year. You need to be ok with that, everything else is up for discussion. My ad from Linkedin below. Hit me up!

*naming of 'philanthropy'* steve: how about steveanthropy phil: ok nice but hear me out

opening a bar called Horn Pub

pretty excited for one-take shows and movies to stop being fashionable so i can watch a thing without obsessively looking for the sneaky cuts

Happy Halloween from me and Chompsky

pretty cool to see the royal family take decisive action on prince andrew only 19 years after the scandal broke

all im sayin is that if milk had never been invented and you discovered it today you might have to answer some questions about what you were doing when you found out cows could do that

everyone always ragging on cops for eating donuts but like have you tried a donut, shits good

*Nietzsche voice* you have seen ze elf auf dem shelf, but have you seen ze elf on ze dynamic dividuum of ze self

gettin pretty tired of robots telling me to prove im not a robot tbh

this thing doesn't even need a pilot's license. (i feel like maybe it should) youtube.com/shorts/oaF9p...

my favourite fact is that medieval artists had often never seen a pet dog in person and had to draw them based on verbal descriptions

"i tried to walk into Target but I missed" Mitch Hedberg invented shitposting