I told my friend I was reading a bad Dan Brown novel (even compared to Dan Brown’s other books it was bad), and now we are going to have a James Patterson book club discussion with the two of us next month.

I tried to buy tickets to synchronized swimming at the Olympics but the tickets were $250 for the nosebleeds, and I’m sorry but absolutely not.

Thinking about the high school production of Spring Awakening I saw in 2019 where the concept was that it took place in 2030 where the current president was elected again. Just thinking about that for no reason at all.

My brain is so anxious and frazzled lately that I’ve had trouble reading books (a thing I normally love!) that I’ve resorted to reading a Dan Brown novel.

What a totally normal and not at all alarming number of degrees for March.

Someone said she looks like a Patricia, but that’s incorrect: she definitely does not look like a Patricia. Pattycakes, Pancakes, ShortStack….yes. She can only be called Patricia when using her full government name, Patricia Jean Blueberry Pancakes.

Once again annoyed to report that I was exhausted and sad yesterday, so this morning I woke up, worked out, and went outside and my mood improved substantially.

Our local movie theater is doing a Catherine O’Hara film series and they’re showing episodes of Schitts Creek before the movie in place of previews. Could not love this more if I tried. Tonight is Best in Show.

Waking up every morning and reading the news.

Money saving tip: move to a condo that is so hard to find and you get so anxious every time a delivery driver doesn’t read your thorough instructions and then you have to find them lost in your condo building somewhere so you only order delivery once a year and remember all over again why you don’t.

I was told this would be a spa day, not a betrayal.

I truly hope to one day achieve this level of relaxation.

Why are people on Facebook marketplace always selling a weird number of chairs? I don’t want 3 dining chairs! I need 4 matching ones!

A good and bright morning to you from ShortStack.

At least once a week I think how crazy it is that I paid $200 and then a cat lady let me take home this tiny cat to live with me.

Vintage market vendors doing the hard work for me now.

I don’t care if they kicked they kicked the witches off Etsy, I’m still calling the Etsy witches. Like Kleenex or Tupperware.

Three apples tall, or perhaps more apropos for the desert, three oranges tall.

I was asked if I had a recommendation for a magician in Palm Springs, and now I’m disappointed in myself for not personally knowing a magician in my town.

Oh no my mom is sending me truly horrifying AI dancing cat videos from Facebook now.

Well our one month of flannel sheets weather in the desert has concluded.

Having a cold and not being able to breathe out of your nostrils is a sensory nightmare.

Sure I hear a lot of discussion about how fast fashion is ruining thrifting, but we haven’t talked enough about how mass produced junk is ruining the future second hand Curséd Objects market.

The timeline in Emily in Paris is so confusing. In one episode, it’s the 4th of July then the next it’s Pride in June.

Four separate people at the airport in my immediate vicinity do not understand how to use headphones while consuming media on their devices.

I set up and then taught my 97 year old grandma how to use her new smart tv today. And I blocked Fox News.

The power went out at my house overnight, and I’m flying out this morning, and I realized that oversleeping due to a power outage a la Home Alone isn’t really a thing anymore. Sleeping in because I’m a sleepy person? Sure, but not because of a power outage.

When a jerk honks at you and then cuts you off in traffic, then 2 minutes later they roll through a stop sign and you watch them immediately get pulled over. That is a top tier gift from the universe.

Old person thought of the day: I can never get Plaid to connect any of my financial accounts and I always do it manually, has anyone ever gotten that stupid thing to work

I ran to See’s to get a box of candy for my grandma and I bought a box for myself and I highly recommend just buying yourself a 1lb box of chocolates.

Forget gag gifts for your white elephants, I want to go to a haunted or curséd objects themed white elephant.

Now why do I have to pay to rent The Holiday on streaming somewhere? What do you mean it’s not already streaming with one of my 89 subscriptions?

I’m at my friend’s holiday choir concert and a grumpy man sat in my seat and tried to cause a big fuss as the show was starting about it. Sir, I am just a girl with a Shirley temple leave me alone.

Home Alone 2 is better than Home Alone 1 (but I love them both). See also: Grease 2 is better than Grease 1.

Neither of my grandmas has space for “stuff” for Christmas gifts and neither lives near a Trader Joe’s but they love opening presents so I went all out buying them snacks & treats at TJs & Costco. Easiest & most fun shopping I’ve done all season.

I documented my own decluttering so well that I have people offering to pay me to come over and help them do it too. The thing is, I hate decluttering just as much as they do!

My holiday season is more Last Christmas than All I Want for Christmas is You.

I managed to get out for social plans and still be home before 5:30pm today, happy winter depression season to us all.

It happened to me: I was the reason the building manager emailed everyone a “friendly reminder” telling us not to do something

Uncrustables should sell a variety pack of flavors.

I’ve hit a wall in my Ruthless Decluttering Week where it’s all the stuff in my guest closet I don’t use ever but I can’t really throw away either. I think the answer is to go get some storage containers from the store but even that seems overwhelming.

Oh oh Thanksgiving earthquake, that was a little much.

Thanksgiving is a top tier caftan holiday.

By some miracle, I went to the grocery store at 9am this morning and it was dead quiet in there. A Thanksgiving miracle!

I just spent 3 hours deep cleaning out my fridge and freezer. If you are my friend or family and you come to Palm Springs for a vacation, I love you but I’m begging you please do not give me your leftover groceries.

I love seeing which of my friends get excited to see my Tap to Clean before/after cleaning & decluttering pics on IG. It’s like a peek into their hearts & minds.

I threw away the box for my iPhone today, please congratulate me this was one of the hardest parts of my decluttering today.

Reminder that you can eat soup for breakfast if you want. It doesn’t even have to be your birthday, you can just do that.

Find someone who looks at you the way Patricia Pancakes looks at the Christmas tree.

I can’t really explain it but I find Palm Springs (the Andy Samberg movie) so soothing and calming to watch.