White people are really good at stopping in the most inconvenient place and looking lost

I love him but @samizayn.bsky.social doesn't need to be the babyface underdog anymore, he should go back to being funny but then have an edge when he needs it. Like Spider-Man they always say that he's at his scariest when he stops making jokes.

"Oh no, the obituary I'm looking for will be on the front page."

My roommate is watching soccer in the living room. I don't know anything about soccer. I don't know anything about the game he's watching. All I know is he keeps screaming "Beat that boy!" really loudly and I am very amused

DO YOU WANT A KICKER FOR MVP THIS IS HOW YOU GET A KICKER FOR MVP

Update: My neighbors think I'm racist

My job's fine.

In a way, it's only fitting that the theme song to Jackass is also the theme song to the last ten years

Interesting booking decision for the Royal Rumble, really went full fuck your happiness

Taking a test to find out if I'm autistic or not One questions was "I have a hard time figuring out what some phrases mean, like 'you are the apple of my eye." Didn't even finish the question before I spent 10 minutes Googling what it meant. I'm concerned I don't need to finish this

Once again for those in the back FUCK👏👏THE👏👏DODGERS👏👏

Uhhhhh I think Chat GPT is trying to fuck me

I don't know about you guys, but I'm pretty tired of this fucking guy

Bobby Abreu should be in the hall of fame I don't actually know his stats or anything but just because the first time I ever played fantasy baseball the guy with the #1 overall pick didn't realize he had players sorted alphabetically and very confidently took Bobby Abreu first. This was 2011.

[Squaring up to the youths] Ya, see, now the best thing about Styx is that all their songs have a twist, and no one notices or is more shocked by the twist than Styx

Gaten Matarazzo in 10 seconds out acted every performance in the whole show

Fun Fact: You can gauge Republican confidence in an upcoming election by how much the SF Giants spend in the off-season

As the original producer of The Daily Beast Podcast which served as the mouthpiece for the new regime all I can say is this can't be said loud enough. The things I heard when the cameras were off...

Widespread Bari Weiss causes brain rot

Ngl I really hate seeing people quote tweeting The Daily Beast on here. It’s not the same publication anymore, and all you’re doing is helping them internally justify their morally bankrupt approach to clickbait journalism.

If "I'm definitely gonna die and emotionally wreck you" was a character #IT #WelcomeToDerry

A gameshow that's about being show "that guy" actors and seeing who can name the more obscure role

Little known fact "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie" was originally about middle aged women from Long Island in restaurants

If you think about it, Turtle from Entourage is his generation's Neal Cassaday

Survivor 50 better come down to Hands On A Hard Idol

Who the hell has a curtain call in the 6th inning of a playoff game? Picture not unrelated

Do you ever reminisce about simpler times like when we all just hated Jay Leno and that seemed like the biggest thing? #teamcoco

Jimmy Kimmel needs to start his first show back by either stating the exact thing that got him canceled or doubling down and going even harder If he apologizes, we lost.

Donald Trump walks into a town A young girl appears, and he asks her if there's anything to eat She offers him a handful of dust "What am I supposed to do with this?" he asks, puzzled "Everyone says when you bite the dust, everything will be better."

We're about to learn more about the person who killed Charlie Kirk in a week than we have about the kid who shot at Trump in a year

I wish I was as committed to anything as Regular Show is to making sure you know a random character is dead

PSA: Pumpkin Spice does not contain pumpkin Apparently this is a thing people didn't know

Has anyone pointed out that Chris Bassitt looks like someone ran the 2011 Phillies starting rotation through a "what would our baby look like?" app?

I took the PragerU "America First" test so you don't have to The agenda is apparently, and how do I put this lightly... it was written by idiots. I don't know who this is going to disqualify because it's multiple choice, and if you've been paying attention you know what they want you to say.

Every show has an episode where someone tries to set a world record or updated for the time to go viral on the internet And here's the kicker, those episodes are always bad

Ska isn't a kid getting extra mozzarella sticks. It's a grown man neglecting his bipolar medication.

I miss the Whopper Dog

I need a loan

At the grocery store I saw a woman wearing a shirt that said "F**K That Guy!" And I thought it was funny cause everyone knew who she meant

My favorite part of Fantastic Four was when, after giving Reed a good stretch, Galactus leaned over and kissed him on the bottom

Now that it's back it's important for a new generation to understand The King Of The Hill is like Neon Genesis Evangelion You do NOT skip the intro

People say it's hard to make friends as a man, but I contend that with my personality I'd find it just as hard to make friends as a woman

There are more photos of Donald Trump with Jeffrey Epstein than there are trans athletes

Quite frankly, this is not Mike Trapp's best work

Pete Alonso really went from looking like the broiest of bros to the math teacheriest of math teachers in a record amount of time

"Hangman" Adam Page is the main character of professional wrestling

Apparently you don't have to take your shoes off at the airport anymore, apparently the technology isn't used to this so if you take your shoes off it says you have metal in your crotch. So pick your poison: Take your shoes off or get a sleep away camp handy from a very lethargic middle aged man

For anyone worried about the robot/AI takeover I encourage you to get your parents to start using it, should slow it down until it gets into therapy

Say what you will about Temple Of Doom, but no Indy side character is more of the MVP of a movie than Short Round