Can't believe it's been 19 years and it sure doesn't get any easier, but I still rarely feel like you're never really that far away. Love ya, dad.💚

EA Sports... it's in the shame.

OSU, our pants are off to you! And our Civil War week episode of Once A Duck is here early too: youtu.be/4cLOwycAeLE?...

Some of the FAFO crowd is awfully emotional for one side, one story and one incident. Meanwhile innocent students at Evergreen were killed and we still won't talk more about how we implement and enforce proper security for a world where we value our firearms more than our individual lives.

"Mama, I'm Coming Home" hits just a little different now. RIP Ozzy.

White Lotus spoiler: rich white people are a danger to us all – physically, mentally and spiritually.

Saturday, April 12th, 8PM at Peace Of Mind Brewing: Come see 16 standup comics test their mic skills in battle to determine the inaugural Tapped Out Comedy Roast Battle Tournament champion! Hosted by Brian Fukuda Tickets, full lineup and more details available now at TappedOut.eventbrite.com!

Looking for a comic for a last-minute fill in spot for a private funeral home show this evening... I need someone that can at least do 40 minutes in a dead room. DM me ASAP for deets.

John Cena might turn his back on the fans, but Super Humman will never let us down, WOOT WOOT!

As someone who has a bit of insight into fraud and fraud prevention... the US seems to be on the verge of a nose dive in terms of consumer protection. In the next several months/years, don't expect to rely on your card issuer to protect you. Use tap-to-pay options instead of swiping or even using...

Alright folks, it's time to put your money where my mouf is! I am now taking orders for Tapped Out Comedy t-Shirts There are 4 options available now for $25 each (discounted for all of our comedians) with expected delivery before our March 15th Tapped Out Comedy show. forms.gle/h3nCzBo3fCqT...

It's 2025 and people are actually shocked THIS GUY sold his soul to be on The Rock's level? Wake up, America!

It's 2025 and I'm listening to a story about Woody Harrelson, Dan Patrick and Darius Rucker smoking pot on a sports radio show. What a time.

Have you ever noticed that in comics Superman gets all the interesting alternate-reality stories like Red Son? For once, give Bruce Wayne an alternate backstory: like what if an orphan was bit by a radioactive dollar bill that made him rich and afraid of bats?

With every day that goes by it feels more and more like somehow, Palpatine has returned.

Anyone who doesn't already have Chime? Use my referral link and get $100 when you direct deposit $200+ within 45 days of signing up and get your money sooner! links.notify.chime.com/ls/click?upn...

In the last 2 weeks I learned that most white dudes who have never actually talked to a black person still seem have a lot more disdain for a Super Bowl halftime show than they ever did for DEI-driven policies.

Only 30 minutes left of the best Valentine's Day I think I have had and I don't want it to end. Just, don't tell my Valentine... 🫢🤞♥️

Hopefully my state is stocking up on vaccines. You know the one like polio, TB, measles that intelligent people get to prevent mouth breathing cousin fucker from dying because they are too stupid.

1. Prince 2. Creed 3. The Amazingly Randy No matter how you rank them, all halftime shows fall somewhere after these three... ...argue with a wall.

Sometimes I actually appreciate the bluntness of FOX... like when they run a Christian-backed "everybody love everybody" commercial... right before an ad for their next big reality show that puts everyday folks and even family members in direct conflict for our entertainment.

The Moon, by Gary Hume, 2009

SUPER BOWL MVP

Frank Reynolds should be on that podium right now #SuperBowlLIX

Janet Jackson's bewb > most of these modern overproduced halftime shows. Gimme 15 minutes of even non-celebrity bewbs and it's probably better than your favorite musician or performer...

Da real MVPs #SuperBowlLIX

#HotTake No one will ever top Up With People

I don't think anyone that saw the Los Angeles Unified All-City Band with the New Mouseketeers performing "It's A Small World" has ever uttered the words "that was the worst Super Bowl halftime show ever" in the last 2 decades. But hey, hyperbole is fun isn't it?

SZA for MVP?

D-Hop trying to catch that last ball like

Thanks Pfizer for reminding me that by the time we figure out the cure to cancer, we will probably be dealing with measles and polio and other vaccine-prevented illnesses again.

If Notre Dame wins it all, we all need to step up as a society and remind Shane Gillis he was at Army, not ND... don't let CTE allow him to get the gold helmets confused. C'mon, Nick Saban... this is your shot.

Goodbye Eugene. I'm heading back to the even more depressing rain in the Seattle area. But hey, at least I got the bus seat with the extra legroom.

Some old lady a few seats in front of me has to be taking the bus because she's probably on a no-fly list... She legit has her feet up over her head and on the headrest in front of her and is just airing that dusty old thang out for the front rows 🤭

En route to Eugene... a little bummed I'll be there less than 2 hours but catch me at the Jackalope Lounge between midnight and 2AM getting my late night snack on.

I'm so white I have to enjoy my spicy ramen in private because by the time I finish a bowl I look like I just left the gym without showering.

Saw a UW fan on another app with "91' til infinity" in the bio, but a profile pic that told me he wasn't even swimming in his daddy's scrote yet in 1991. Made me realize how much folks like that are praying Oregon doesn't win it all, especially through a bracket and not a poll.

I know a chicken tender slut when I see it. #WWERAW

When the restaurant says they don't serve chicken tendies #WWERaw    #chickentenderslut

#chickentenderslut is officially my favorite #wwe mic drop moment of 2024

Our newest episode, ‘B1G Conference Champions Special’ is out now! This week our hosts discuss the B1G win over Penn State, the transfer portal, preview the 2025 schedule and are joined by Spence McLaughlin to talk all things Ducks! Click the link to watch: youtu.be/O2pExO6yrwQ?...

Still can't believe I got to do a little standup on the same stage as one of my favorite bands for 20+ years. Pinch me.

Next weekend! Dec. 11-14! Pacific Northwest tour!🎄last CKY shows of the year! 12.11 Bellingham Wa. @ wild buffalo 12.12 Vancouver, BC Rickshaw 12.13 Seattle, WA El Corazon 12.14 Portland, OR Bossanova Ballroom #bellingham #vancouver #seattle #portland #pacificnorthwest #tourdates #cky

I think Nintendo should capitalize on the moment and give Luigi's vacuum a silencer.

I remember when REAL college sports debates didn't take place on social media... they happened on late night ESPN with Lou Holtz literally spitting hot takes at Mark May. These kids don't even know.

We heard the elves were slacking off this year, so Tapped Out Comedy decided to step up & do something about it... Bring an unwrapped toy for Holly's House to enjoy sets from 20+ comics, including some of your favorite past Tapped Out performers! TappedOut.Eventbrite.com

The PNW leg of our tour celebrating 25 years of #CKY kicks off in one week! Dec 11 - Bellingham, WA - Wild Buffalo Dec 12 - Vancouver, BC - Rickshaw Theatre Dec 13 - Seattle, WA - El Corazon Dec 14 - Portland, OR - Bossanova Ballroom Tickets available at ckyofficial.com

#GoDucks mood on National Signing Day

The image of that UW helmet getting bashed in just got itself a permanent residence in my spankbank, rent free. #GoDucks youtu.be/q3CFXQO95bA?...

My timeline often reminds me that not enough people keep their circle tight. That doesn't mean you limit the friends you have, but you certainly should limit the friends you trust, both with knowledge and advice.