should be named nickelful cage. he seems very rich from his movies that he's in

actually i just had the weird test done at Hospital and they said i'm not weird at all. incidentally i also got the more mad than you are test

i'm gonna be honest i've been in a state of deserving ice cream for a couple weeks now and yet the store has not had any available. what's the best politics to call into to fix this

hate the "saves" metric under posts on here. why did you save my post. what are you scheming

drew a picture of zephie reaching down into a well. hope you're all doing "good" this morning

you can now click zephie's face on zephie.net for a random wisdom

10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope, and Max from "A Goofy Movie". Now, Max from "A Goofy Movie" is Insanely Hot

i wish star wars was real, if only because it would mean a lot of star wars fans would go into space and stay there. planet might get destroyed but it's whatever

you can now click zephie's face on zephie.net for a random wisdom

google doesn't like people using "google" as a verb because they want people to know they're not just a search engine, i don't like people using "google" as a verb because no one should be using google

just cummed out the last of my microplastics. what have you assholes been doing with your time

Good morning to all my beautiful followers give me $30 give me $30 Sorry i don't know what came over me i suppose i'm just looking forward give me $30 to another wonderful day on bluesky give me $30 i want $30

were the ninja turtles teenage mutant or the mutant teenage the ninjas turtle or was the turtles of teenage mutant ninjas or mutant turtles ninjas of teenager

pee-see culture has decided we can't tell people to spell icup anymore

circumcision should be MY CHOICE. i should be able to have anyone circumcised at will

people are always dying of something super specific like "subterranean double-dutch rupture of the ass". what happened to sticking to the classics like car or snake

[lying to sound cool] im cool

i'm ok with people calling me an "enby" as long as they are ok with me shooting them with a large gun

yeah bro you know ff14? they're doing evangelion raids. i know you're really into eva so you should get into it with me bro. there's about literally 350 fucking hours of mandatory gameplay before you'll be allowed to do them but yeah it's gonna be awesome

most terrifying thing i've ever seen

american kid on christmas day: yay!!! yoshi topsy turvy!!! thank u british kid: *pushes up glasses* ah, "yoshi's universal gravitation", just as i requested. you have my gratitude, mother

my eye floaters got the outside world looking like sonic frontiers

decided to backup my files and then a massive fire broke out next door

it's time i came clean. i've never told anyone about this. in 2011 i earned every achievement in call of duty: black ops, except for one. i made up the difference in gamerscore with DLC achievements resulting in a total of 1000G, making it look like a clean 100% of the base game on my profile

i make all my passwords "howtorideabike" so i never forget them

in 2010 i bought the smosh "shut up" button app for $1 and ever since i have used that as the basis for a dollar's value when deciding on any purchase

they're calling me the cereal freak this morning

i need to go to sleep as soon as possible and escape this horrible day of villains setting plants on fire and sniffing the fire and getting drunk from drinking plant beer. i hate it i hate it

hey babe i love you and how much of my girlfriend you are.. whoops this isn't the texting my girlfriend app.. my bad... ok i sent the post i think they bought it. thanks for the help dude you're way nicer than everyone else on the digimon roleplay but only the sexy digimon community app

posted too much today, as punishment i will be banished to my bed all night

nice gundam models dude, can't help but notice you decided to build them instead of leave them in their boxes, leading me to believe you missed the franchise's messaging that war is bad

what if instead of the "trolley problem" it was the "trollface, problem?" i think it would suck shit honestly

sometimes i fart and it sounds so perfectly like a stock cartoon sound that i simply don't buy it. not a real fart. so no, it wasn't me, and this is my floor anyway so 🖕

my girl texted me a pic of what she was eating, i asked if i could have some and she said yes, despite her knowing i obviously couldn't due to being far away. she thus failed my honesty test and is now single. of course, i am heartbroken

went drunk diving and crashed into a cod

my favorite thing about french words is you can pronounce them however you want

teachers used to say we won't always have a calculator in our pocket. now we have the infinite furry porn square. like i'm fucking thinking about numbers

still no progress on this is crazy

thank god no fake cartoon birds were hurt and instead only real ones were

leaving this package addressed to myself in the hall where neighbors keep stealing my mail (there's no camera and the hall is a cluttered dumping ground)

gen alpha puberty

recently learned about "on fleek". our team already has several projects in the pipeline leveraging this new technology

just realized i can call my favorite straight multimillionaire celebrity a "gay icon" to assuage my guilt over not bothering to engage with any actual gay artists and media. thank god

i killed someone while bluesky was down so no one would find out about it

heard someone say they didn't have any moles and got so mad one of my ~90 moles burst

AS CHILD: Wow socks for christmas thanks grand ma 🙄 AS OLDER: Ow ow ow my penis burns im jacking off with the sock around it and the sock burns my peis. Rip grandma

FUCK computers. i like it when PEOPLE do things [people do things] Nvm actually i don't like this either