EXCLUSIVE: Tottenham Hotspur to announce new reality show where one contestant will become new CEO of the club. The show will be called, ‘Who Wants to Run an F1 Track?” It will air exclusively on SPURSPLAY and will be hosted by Spurs fan, Michael McIntyre. #COYS #levyout

In a key bit of #DeadlineDay irony, Manor Solomon would prefer to not be displaced from his current home at Tottenham Hotspur.

#DeadlineDay Exclusive! As part of negotiations with Girona, Daniel Levy has personally offered to drive Bryan Gil to the Spanish club. The trip will be filmed and released as a new buddy comedy on SPURSPLAY. The contract does not include an option for Gil to choose the music.

BREAKING: Local man sitting in windowless room and covered with Monster Munch crumbs who has never been to Hotspur Way believes they could do a better job than Thomas Frank. #DeadlineDay

#DeadlineDay EXCLUSIVE: Tottenham Hotspur exploring potential deal with Erik ten Hag to address the need for additional CB depth on the squad. ten Hag has 336 appearances at CB and, according to sources, “has some time to kill.”

BREAKING: we can confirm that Tottenham Hotspur striker, Dominic Solanke, does have an ankle. While existence is confirmed, injury status is officially, as one source stated, “🤷”

When asked what his Love Language was, Tottenham Hotspur Chairman, Daniel Levy, replied: “Some people think it’s ‘quality time’ but I’m really more of an ‘advancing talks’ guy.” #COYS #DanielLevy

In an exclusive interview, Tottenham Hotspur player, Alejo Véliz, is confused why everyone is all of a sudden interested in the length of his contract. #COYS

BREAKING: Fabrizio Romano pinky promises that he’s really serious this time. Like really serious. #COYS #FabrizioRomano

Sources have shared that Tottenham’s Yves Bissouma is confused by the new 8 second rule for goalkeepers. Bissouma is quoted as saying, “Time? I’m unfamiliar with the concept.” #THFC #PremierLeague #COYS

According to sources, with Mikey Moore turning 18 today, all he wants for his birthday is for Tottenham to sign Bilal El Khannouss 🎁🎂🎉 [Source: Nephew of one of the SpudBros 🥇] #THFC #COYS

Random mother of 3 has followed many London businesses on Instagram and is now linked with Tottenham as a midfield option for Frank’s squad. In a statement she said, “I’m not looking for a contract — just looking for 5 minutes of peace and quiet.” #coys #thfc #PremierLeague

📰 Spurs need to make decisions this window or they don’t and they will act on said decisions, or they won’t. Club is said to be in active discussions for additions to the squad…or they aren’t. Paratici and Levy are discussing plans, maybe. [@Dan’sSourceHut] #THFC #COYS

BREAKING: massive trophy storm hitting London. If you’re in the path of the storm, quickly head to a pub, drink, and sing loudly. Those in N7 near Emirates Stadium appear to be safe and do not need to take cover from this storm. 🏆🏆🏆 #COYS #ChelseaFC #CrystalPalace

After seeing Wrexham’s success with celebrity owners Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney, Nicolas Cage and Johnny Depp are “cosmically fascinated” by the idea of becoming majority owners of Tottenham. Cage energetically said, “It’s a f**king chicken on a ball. That’s magical.” #Tottenham #COYS

Taylor Swift joins supporter’s protest against ENIC and Daniel Levy. The global superstar said, “It’s them. Hi. They’re the problem, it’s them.” She also hinted at a possible 10-minute song about her frustrations with the direction of the club. #COYS #LevyOut #ENICout #PremierLeague

Spurs Injury Update: * Guglielmo Vicario returns after missing several weeks with a broken foot. * His hat had a setback in training this week and will miss 2-3 more weeks. Is Postecoglu asking too much from his player’s accessories? #COYS #TOTMUN #PremierLeague

Chris Wilson, elected spokesman for all Spurs supporters, shared that no one is currently enjoying this pre-match anxiety. “It’s decimating our productivity, health, and ability to experience beauty. I saw a sun rise this morning and felt nothing.” #COYD #LIVTOT #CarabaoCup

Boyfriends/husbands are urged to keep their girlfriends/wives at least 2 miles away from Ange Postecoglu. His charm and “rizz” are highly contagious with no known cure or prevention according to the CDC and NHS. Thoughts and prayers to his latest victim, Mathys Tel. #COYS

📈Whiplash cases among Spurs fans increase 27% over last week “This is due to Ange Out’ers that professed hatred for club and coach but then acted like they loved Ange and Spurs when things went well this week. That inconsistency is damaging to the body.” - Medical Source #COYS

Confirmed. Tel is quoted as saying, “I’m in it for a good time, not a long time.” #COYS #MathysTel #BayernMunich #PremierLeague

Announcement of Beyoncé shows at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium deleted minutes after posting. Sources tell us that the Grammy award winning singer sustained a hamstring injury. Are Postecoglu’s training methods to blame? #coys #beyonce

Tottenham in talks with Radu Dragusin to see if his agent, Florin Manea, has any experience at CB. This comes after Crystal Palace rejected the Spurs bid for Marc Guehi. Spurs are in need of depth at CB and are considering every option, including agents. #COYS #PremierLeague

SPURS’ GRAY DRIVES TEAM COACH BACK TO N17 Along with playing 5+ positions this year, the club has now had to resort to having Gray drive the team to/from matches. Gray said, “I’ll do whatever the team needs. Also, we’re making a rest stop at Costa in 15 minutes.” #COYS

After Tottenham’s convincing win against Brentford, Mathys Tel seeks to reopen communications with the club. #COYS #BRETOT #PremierLeague

Vicario’s cap seen warming up in the second half of the Tottenham v Brentford match. The cap hasn’t played since the West Ham match in October. #COYS #BRETOT

BREAKING: Son Heung-min has been named as the new Set Piece Coach for Tottenham Hotspur. In a statement, Son said, “I don’t remember applying but sure.” #COYS

Three questions ahead of today’s #BRETOT match: - Will Spurs ride the momentum from Thursday’s Europa League win? - Will injuries continue to plague Spurs in league play? - Will Spurs high line be enough to overcome Thomas Frank’s gorgeous hair? #COYS #PremierLeague

Leyton Orient manager Richie Wellens said after their loss today: “I’m not going to make excuses, I’m not Ange Postecoglou” In response, the EFL has fined Wellens £10k and stated that future offenses will result in him having to manage under Daniel Levy. #COYS #LeytonOrient

BREAKING: Levy and Lange currently searching Temu for another defender and striker. If they’re able to complete the deal, Spurs can expect to receive them in 4-24 weeks. #COYS

Breaking: Spurs Self-Esteem index sees increase of 1.2% after new interest from Lens defender, Kevin Danso. The index took a hit over the last 24-hours after rejections from Tel, Tomori, and The Rolling Stones. One Spurs source said, “It’s just nice to be acknowledged.” #COYS

Ange Postecoglu has entered his emo era. The Tottenham manager shared in a press conference yesterday, “Every time I've seen the light at the end of the tunnel, it's usually been an oncoming train.” Sources expect a lip piercing soon if there are no signings this window. #COYS

Sources report that Daniel Levy has started to say “Levy Out” when he exits a room. Staff and family are concerned that Levy doesn’t realize that’s not what the phrase really means. #COYS #LevyOut

JUST IN: Backstreet Boys ink deal for week of concerts at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. Levy finished the deal with the popular millennial boy band, seen in the image below enjoying a recent match, shortly after being rebuffed by numerous players in the transfer window. #COYS

BREAKING: Daniel Levy forced to eat dinner alone tonight after wife cancels. According to a source, when asked if Italian sounded alright, Levy’s wife said she’d like to have a few hours to think about her next steps. This only hours after Levy rejected by Mathys Tel. #COYS