Sometimes you just gotta ask yourself what would Doogie Houser MD do?

If only the fascist president had live tweeted from Brown like Zelenskyy did from Kupiansk.

Someone told me that Kristi Noem actually IS the girlfriend of the antifa leader. I said that’s not possible because the leader of such a kickass organization is clearly a female and Kristi Noem is forbidden from being gay by a 2000 year old book. 🐷

Pretty sure he’d need to be an actual Christian for it to be an anti-Christian hate crime. Leviticus 19:33-34

I almost posted some snark about the #nfl and #aarp, but then I realized I’m closer to 50 than Mr. Rivers.

It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything. Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken. Picture yourself planting radishes and seed potatoes on the fifteenth green of a forgotten golf course. . Thank you Misters Fincher and Palahniuk.

If the fascist president of the United States actually cared about Tina Peters, he’d have sent the navy seals in to get her already. He only cares about the headlines, which have already come and gone. Sorry not sorry, Tina.

Mike Braun is a cuck.

Why does the fascist president of the United States get news articles when he threatens someone and the rest of the world only gets shiny handcuffs?

The stock market isn’t a measure of the economy as much as it’s a measure of how well upper management is doing. Upper management is doing great because they’re FIRING all the grunts.

Imagine killing 1.2M of your own citizens just to have the ability to lose 1.2M more. Ukraine is going to kick your ass, Vlad.

I’m sure reclassifying pot has nothing to do with making millions of dollars.

Instead of banning pennies, causing many headaches thus far, why didn’t we just make them out of steel like we did in the 40s?

#thewhitehouse could avoid "selectively releasing cherry-picked photos with random redactions to try and create a false narrative” by releasing the unredacted files.

My daughter just told me that her project would be much easier with a pipette. She blinded me with science!

How’s that working out for you….being clever?

Anna Bower: not discredited Lindsey Halligan: in-dickted

If the fascist president of the United States were raped, would he pardon the rapist?

How does an attorney not know how to pronounce indict? Surely that’s fake…. Surely?

Do fascist presidential pardons work for state charges?

Tyler Durden

If a county in the United States does not have fair representation, doesn’t that mean they pay no taxes? Asking for Marion, Lake & Porter Counties in Indiana.

Dear World, We recognize soccer is important to you. Having a passion is fantastic! Also fantastic? Not spending a fortune to visit a shithole country while we access your data and sell it to bad actors. Keep your bucks AND your passion AND your freedom. Stay home for World Cup. -USA

If it can happen in Bulgaria….. What am I saying? We’re all on our phones.

Antifa headquarters is located at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, District of Columbia. Go get him.

Let’s say the stolen Venezuelan tanker was one of the largest, carrying 3M barrels of oil. Once refined, that becomes 56.7M gallons of gasoline (among other things). Per day, the U.S. consumes 376M gallons of gasoline. Risking the lives of your children for about 3.5 hours of gasoline. 🐽

$30M per year was so yesterday.

Probably an underrated opinion, but my favorite performance in Jay Kelly was Adam Sandler’s Ron.

Why does my tv require my birthday and gender for me to watch a hockey game? It shouldn’t be like this.

Roberta Sparrow

He does know most of his followers don’t/can’t read, right?

Either the warplanes over the Gulf of Venezuela are trying to rename it, or release the Epstein files.

I wish there were a “laugh” button on BlueSky. Sometimes “love” just isn’t enough, and let’s face it, not all loved posts are funny.

I do wonder what the last 12 people on earth will do with their accumulated wealth from all the dead people. Secretly, I like to imagine “The Masque of the Red Death” scenario.

As long as we keep paying one guy $30M a year to hit a ball with a stick, some other guy will say he deserves $100M for “running a company.”

If you want to find out how heavy your chili pepper is, give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.

Saw a great clip of President Obama reading to kids at a school, then I wondered….can piggy even read?

Being afraid of being kicked off Air Force one is not a reason to be silent when piggy attacks women. Actually, there is no reason other than your own failings as a human being. Step up, press.

How does an immigrant simultaneously lower our test scores, make our streets less safe, take our jobs, not pay taxes, buy all the houses and get free healthcare? By being the fascist president’s wife, of course.

I read that a woman in Rhode Island had been arrested over 100 times before she mowed another human being down with her car. There should be a rule against triple digit arrests. Were she a Black man, she’d be dead in jail. Were she Latinx, deported. Her white privilege was never revoked.

I’m innocent! I have the files that prove it. Only I can see them tho. Look, a narco boat!

This is why that stupid hostile takeover bid that doesn’t make any sense to you must not be allowed.

Where I come from if you talk over someone too much you get shot in the mouth.

Why was the October inflation report canceled? It’s not like October didn’t happen; I still have Halloween candy to prove it.

Wtf is $25% Seriously

The only way to stop the corruption at the Supreme Court is to shut it down.

New rule: if you have someone’s name tattooed on your ass, you may NOT chime in on their proven transgressions. Here’s lookin’ at you, Judi.

Sean Duffy and Jim Jordan have something in common; they’d both like to see more people taking showers.

Dear Larry Kudlow, Yelling and gesticulating does not make it so. Especially if you’re consistently wrong. GFY