The right is melting down over a fake Fox story that the Biden Administration is going to limit alcohol to two beers a week. Wait till I tell them it’s gotta be just two Bud Lights. It must be painful to be this stupid.

#joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny

“Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing,” I said to my wife. She said, “Wear your own then.” :) #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny

Ha ha #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny

Who's addicted and who's learning #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny

#joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny #meme

I already was having a rough day, and then somebody went and ripped the front and back pages from my dictionary. It just goes from bad to worse. #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny

#joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny

A chemist froze himself at -273.15 C, and everyone said he was crazy. It turned out he was 0K. #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny

#joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll. #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny

Thanks for explaining the word 'Plethora' to me. It means a lot. #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny

What did the fish say when it swam into the wall 🧱? Dam! #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny

#joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny

A Mobius strip walks into a bar looking pretty sad. Bartender asks what's wrong. Mobius strip: Where do I even start? (Please repost if you liked it!) #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny

What do you get when you mix human DNA with sheep DNA? Kicked out of the petting zoo. #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter. #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny

My boss really hates it when I shorten his name to Dick… Mostly because his name is Steve… #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny

#joke #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny

In Tokyo yesterday, I confused the words "jacuzzi" and "yakuza". Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia. #joke #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny

After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I did it by like 2 inches! #funny #joke #jokes #dadjoke #dadjokes #humor

Al Pacino’s brother, Cap, is famous for his coffee. #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny

#joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny

Our electricity company has just disconnected us. Now we are powerless to do anything about it. #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny

Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water? Because if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat. #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? The food is great, but there's just no atmosphere! 😁 #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey." The horse says "Sure." 😁 #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

People can be so annoying. The other day someone was telling me I drink like a fish so I had to tuna them out. 🤣 #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

#joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

Ha 😆 #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

A few decades ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die! #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

Just been for my prostate exam. Got the thumbs up. #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down! #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

When will a priest laugh at your Friday joke? When it’s a Good Friday joke! #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

What do you call a row of rabbits walking backwards? A receding hairline! #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

Met a really attractive sky diving instructor. I fell for him. #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

What do you call a sad latte? A depresso. #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

Jim sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

What did the janitor shout when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies! #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

I burned 2000 calories today. I left my cake in the oven for too long. #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

#joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a workstation… #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky. #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes (＾▽＾)

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

To the person who stole my glasses, I will find you. I have contacts! #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison. #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

If Bill Gates eats American food and Gandhi ate only Indian food, what food does Usain Bolt eat? If Bill Gates eats American food and Gandhi ate only Indian food, what food does Usain Bolt eat? Fast Food #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

I’ve been doing crunches twice a day now. Captain in the morning. Nestle in the afternoon. #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

My wife rang me at the pub and said, “If you’re not home in 10 minutes, I’m giving the dinner I cooked for you to the dog.” I was home in 5 minutes. I’d hate for anything to happen to my dog. #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes

You dig, I dig, he digs, she digs, we dig, they dig. It's not a easy poem coz it's deep. #joke #jokes #humor #dadjoke #dadjokes