If yer gonna thump the Bible with one hand n press the launch button with the other, ye might wanna stop n ask which one yew actually believe in. Salvation Sunday Missile Monday #FigureItOut

USA womens hockey turns down degens visit to White House , yet accepts Flava Flavs party in Vegas….. Suggest you let that one marinate #FigureItOut

ICE treatin Law n order like a horror franchise that shoulda ended years ago: same jump scares, dumber plot, higher body count. Keeps greenlightin sequels cause fear sells n thinkin doesnt. Its not safety, its cruelty run on vibes n applause. That aint strength, just degens cosplayed as competence

Demandin trust while hidin yer face is ten-ply behavior. Soft. Applesauce. If yer proud of yer work, stand in it. If not, maybe stop doin it Yew dont get immunity for shootin innocents, ye get investigated.Thats not tactics, yer cowards with accessories. End of the lane way dont come up the property

If ye plan needs cruelty to function, its a bad plan; fan base needs someone to hate 2 feel important, thats a worse N if yee fine with families get wrecked, long as it polls well, yew get to pretend this is about safety. Thats not patriotism, ita flag, sold to degens who confuse anger for backbone.

ICE goin around actin like theyre keepin the porch tidy while trackin mud through the livin room, and thats a Hard NO. Iif yer say it’s about law and order, you oughta start by knowin the law n maybe usin it with a touch of human decency. POS standin there noddin while the sheds on fire #FigureItOut

Seen ICE officers hidin behind masks now like its a costume party party, but back when the worlds coughin its lungs out they wouldnt cover their noses if yew paid em n Puppers and promise rings. Consistently Inconsistent. Hard Left, end of the laneway don’t come on the property #FigureItOut #ICE

Heated Rivalry: If The Man Advantage wasnt enough of a hint, thats not subtext, thats ye missin the puck entirely. Been chirps, been tension, been dudes starin at each other like it’s Game 7 since the opening faceoff. So if yer shocked now, dont blame the show, blame yer gap coverage. #FigureItOut

Monday mangy, mood-maulin’ meat-sack makin more mess than McMurray in mud season. Manage yer mornin muster your mettle, and if any mouth-breathr mouths off, make em mind their manners, makin me moments away from makin morons mind their manners manually.

If yer arguin’ with degens online on a Sunday, congrats- yew officially run out of hobbies. Go shovel somethin #FigureItOut

Buds been cozying up to rich weirdos for decades. The real surprise would be if he wasn’t mentioned in the Epstein files. Thatd be like a pig not rollin in their own shit. If he’s not on the list, I’ll eat my own boot. But bud, it’s not some secret Illuminati handshake, it’s straight-up creep hours.

Vatican finally brought back 62 things that werent theirs to the Natives. Took em a couple hundred years of theft, bad PR and a guilty conscience, but better late than never, I spose. Rome wasnt built in a day but apparently it was furnished with others stuff. #PapalPickpockets

Every nation arguin about somethin I’ve seen raccoons share a dumpster with more diplomacy #FigureItOut

Worlds gettin spun up like a toddler on Scneef. Everyone’s yellin ‘breaking news!’ but the only thing yer breakin is my patience. Figure it out.

The government’s shut down again. Bunch of grown adults playin chicken with folks paychecks. Buds braggin about fiscal responsibility while burnin money on speeches about fiscal responsibility. #FigureitOut and get folks back to work. It’s not rocket surgery

AI this, AI that. Buddy, I just want meh phone to stop autocorrecting bud to bad…. If the robots take over, maybe they’ll fix the roads first and get out these degens

Frozen Frenzy fans fired up faster than a F-150 on fresh fuel Full barns, fiery fists flyin, forwards flowin fast Fans feelin frisky, flipin over filthy feeds, fancy footwork n fantastic finishes Fellas were feelin feisty from faceoff to final frame, frozen fortune favors the fearless #FigureitOut

Yew dont build character in comfort. Ye build it when yer boots are wet n the job’s not done #FigureItOut #Letterkennyproblems

Be firm, be fair, n dont ever let yer dog ride in the box without a tailgate strap #FigureItOut

Happy Labor Day. Hope yer all celebratin by not laborin, less ya count haulin a 2-4 from the fridge as hard work. In which case, yew deserve time n half. Union rules. Raise a glass ferda folks who built it, not the ones sittin in the corner offices. Now quit readin this n go grab a puppers.

Yew ever meet someone so trashy, ya dont even wanna argue, just skip the debate n hand out dental work? Some people arnt misunderstood, theyre just garbage; a the only language trash understands is afist reminding it to stay in the bin. #FigureItOut

Certain folks carry themselves like they’ve never been punched before; it shows. #YourProblems #FigureItOut

Trump swore bout buildin a big, beautiful wall. Whatd folks get? 87 km a sheet metal nd a AkzoNobel sponsorship. 3058 km shy, struttin like he saved the country. Fella couldnt finish what he started if ya spotted him the nails, lumber n labour. All hat, no cattle.Cattles gettin restless #Figureitout

Classic clown car conduct from that carrot colored conman, claimin significant convos with Putin while conveniently forgettin the ones had on the Pedo plane. Calls from Kyiv cant connect but Kremlin coffee chats sure can. Cowardly n corrupt, couldnt care less bout country, just coddling commies

Misinformation online spreads faster than truth cause lies dont stop fer factchecks. Internet gave everyone a voice, now were drownin in nutsacks who shoulda stayed on mute. Ya trust strangers on facebook more than a doctor, yew dont need Wi-Fi, ya need a helmet. #FigureItOut #LetterkennyProblems

Albertas crowds talkin independence like it’s a garage sale, now Uncle Sam wants a front porch. Apparently King Chuck rolled into Ottawa with more red than a Tim’s cup. Nations feelin patriotic as hell. Me? I’m just hopin Puppers stays stocked while yall sort this border identity crisis #FigureitOut

Buds out here pardonin poultry with necks longer than his logic chain, while tellin folks vaccines er just spicy water from Big Syringe. Just a poorly funded Dr. Do Little with a YouTube rabbit hole addiction. If the bird flu’s not real, explain the rash to The Ginger #FigureItOut

Buds out there sayin hes savin democracy like he didnt just try to bulldoze it with a combover n a golf cart. Couldnt build a wall, but built a cult. Couldn’t tell the truth, but told everyone he was the chosen one. Settle down, Don. Yer not Moses, yer just lost in the desert with Wifi #FigureItOut

Yew hate immigrants but married two of them, whats that, bud, xenophobia with exceptions for supermodels n underage girls? If freedom means banning abortions n books, I’ll take my maple flavoured socialism any day. #FigureItOut #TantrumTannenbaum #Letterkennyproud

Tied up title tilt tonight, tense to the teeth. Teams trading taps, tempers tight, twine tickled thrice. Taylor tickled Travis. Time to toss back yer tenth tallboy, talk trash tastefully n trust the tougher team takes the trophy. Who ya got? #FigureItOut

These two mudslingin online like toddlers in gold-plated diapers throwin tantrums cause the nanny didnt cut the crusts off their fascist sandos. One’s tryin to be God with code, the other thinks he already is with indictments. Build a better world? These two just build cults with WiFi #FigureItOut

Yew couldnt finish 200 miles of drywall n now yer talkin space armor? That aint a plan, thats a fever dream with a spray tan. Maybe build a school without bulletproof backpacks before you LARP as Commander-in-Chief, bud.

World’s still spinnin somehow. If ye run into someone actin like theyre the main character, do em a favor; don’t feed the delusion. Handle yer day like yew handle a raccoon in the garbage bin: calm, firm, n with a shovel if needed. #FigureItOut

Dont say it if ye wouldnt scrap over it

Bud tried to buy Greenland like it’s a fucking mall kiosk, we still laugh about that at every Tim’s north of Nunavut. #FigureItOut

“America First!” like it’s profound : meanwhile yer country cant even keep the lights on during a snowstorm, Real patriot bud, ye dodged the draft n golf more than a snowbird in Kelowna #FigureItOut

Canadas like the quiet kid in class who gettin straight A’s, never starts shit, so no one notices. But we’ll be here; sippin our Puppers and not fallin apart. #FigureItOut

If yer handshakes limp n yer word ain’t solid, don’t expect an invite to the yard. Ans if yer wearin sandals with jeans, stay on the other side of the road

Americas got a Pope; bless their stars n strapes. Still tryin to tan their way to salvation. Meanwhile, rest sittin pretty as the first, not the 51st state. #Orangdained bud er turn holy water inna diet cola n sell it as a cleanse. #FigureItOut

Binnington’s a beauty. Guy’s got a Cup, stood on his head in the playoffs, and hes worn the maple leaf n won, twice, bud. Drops this one. Thats puck. Hellebuyck being off the Ice was the best strategy all series.

If yer gonna act like a tool, at least be useful. Worlds already full up on dull ones

Buddy chirps like a bird but couldnt peck his way out of a paper bag. Dont dish if ye cant digest, pal. #FigureItOut

Careful consideration culminated in a competent, compassionate commander conquering chaos. Contrastinly, certain countries contend cantankerous charlatans craving control, concocting conspiracies n compromising civility. Clearly Canadians cherish clarity n character choosing collaboration > conflict

Pandemics, protests, politicians posturing n prices peaking; proper pile of problems. Planes n pipelines paused, peace talks postponed. People panicking, pundits pontificating, n patience perishing. Perhaps, pals, it’s prime time to pour a pint, ponder priorities n practice a pinch of perspective.

Popes out. Big chair to fill. Hope they dont blow the pick. NFL Draft same week, Easter just wrapped up, lotta lineup changes goin around. Might be a good time to trade a few sinners while yer at it. Now we’re watchin a live-action Conclave like it’s trade deadline day. #ConclaveDraft #FigureItOut

Rips, Sips, Reps, Revelations, Resurrections. Spend some time with the good ones today. Rest of em can wait til Monday. If ya cant count ya blessings at least count yer Beers. Hope the Easter Bunny brings you something useful, like a personality, Dary. Happy Easter all.

It’s Good Friday, so be gooder than ye usually are, which fee some of yew, shouldnt be too hard, cause the bars on the floor. Reflect a bit, respect a bit, maybe even rest a bit. Some didnt get the chance to wake up today. Above ground n above average lookin? Sounds like a Good Friday to me, bud.

Buddy cant hold a trophy without lookin like hes tryin to wrestle a greased pig at the county fair, but hes one heartbeat from the big chair? That’s a ten-ply move bud. Seen scarecrows with more grip an less eyeliner. Got Baby hands and No hands with Nuc codes #FigureItOut #HowAreYaNow #PanicPowder

Bud yer softer than a Cinnabon sampler. #FigureItOut

Caps getting speed bagged. #FigureItOut #NHL