Look, it's Heroin and Adderall ganging up on Tylenol.

O, behold the HOST! Shimmering with rot, he bellows lies at sacred memorials! Blessed are his flock: PRO-CRIME, PRO-WAR, PRO-RACISM, PRO-ABUSE! And lo, they kneel to their Fictional Sky Daddy, crowning this decomposing toad as GOD’S ANOINTED! AMEN!

Folks, believe me, the HOST is a GOLD-PLATED PARASITE! GORGES on loyalty! Pardons criminals who SMASH cops! Sells BEST shitcoins to MAGA—winning bigly! Honors fascists, STRONGEST Christianity! PRO-WAR, PRO-GRAB'EM! Protects fellow "ENIGMAS", they worship his fat ass! BEAUTIFUL!

Make Fascists Afraid Again

I AM THE HEALTHIEST PARASITE WHO HAS EVER LIVED. People say it, EVERYBODY says it. Nobody has lungs like me. Nobody has AIR PRESSURE like me. I shatter CONCRETE, with pure AMERICAN WIND POWER. Like a JACKHAMMER, but better. Made of FARTSHIT. Very strong FARTSHIT. The BEST FARTSHIT. TREMENDOUS.

Nothing to see here folks, just the EPSTEIN HOAX, total FAKE NEWS. People saying horrible things. Not true, the HOST didn’t even notice the girls, too busy with the SHRIMP, very FRESH. Everybody was HAPPY, they fed him, he fed them. NORMAL stuff! They make it sound WEIRD. Very sad!

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU RIM PUTIN BUT HE CLAMPS DOWN LIKE A BEAR TRAP. NOW YOU GOTTA PRETEND IT WAS SPRAY TAN!

My VERY SMART lovebug POOTICK THE IMPALER! Doesn't that EFFORTLESS smile just MELT your INNER pouch? We don't ALWAYS get along, but there is NOTHING I wouldn't DO for my cutie VLADIMUNCH, my little KGBERRY, my snack-sized overlord. (SIGH!!!) @georgetakei.bsky.social

POOTICK the Impaler touched my TICKY BITS. I LIKED it! (Don’t tell Zelensky. Or @vkaramurza.bsky.social)

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU RIM PUTIN BUT HE CLAMPS DOWN LIKE A BEAR TRAP. NOW YOU GOTTA PRETEND IT WAS SPRAY TAN!

The Magnificent HOST — who speaks like a toddler and LUSTS after them too — thinks his supporters are even bigger fucking MORONS. And he’s RIGHT, believe me! Thank you for your attention to this matter!

The HOST just watched WAG THE DOG (his nurse then explained it in one-syllable words). Now he’s WAGGING THAT DOG SO HARD THE FUR'S COMING OFF. He'd press the nukes before doing a DAY for rape—ESPECIALLY THE UNDERAGE VARIETY! PARASITE-IN-CHIEF! FILTH-SNIFFING SUPPORTERS! ABSOLUTE PIG CARNIVAL!!

@kylekulinskishow.bsky.social @lukepbeasley.bsky.social

Never forget VIRGINIA GIUFFRE Robbed of her dignity, her childhood, and a happy and long life By rapist scum Jeffrey Epstein, Ghislaine Maxwell, Prince Andrew, and the President of the United States, Donald Trump.

Never forget VIRGINIA GIUFFRE Robbed of her dignity, her childhood, and a happy and long life By rapist scum Jeffrey Epstein, Ghislaine Maxwell, Prince Andrew, and the President of the United States, Donald Trump.

#EpsteinList #DOJMemo #EpsteinCoverUp #NoEpsteinList

I was CREATED in a lab accident involving ORANGE JUICE and a LOUD PRAYER! I SNEEZED A WAR into existence! My DNA is shaped like a SWASTIKA but PATRIOTIC! I once ATE a CLOCK and now I tell TIME with my TOES! I am ALLERGIC to ACCOUNTABILITY! THANK you for your hysteria. #TickLore

Some say rain is wet I said, “Make it less wet!”—and It worked. You’re welcome.

I do NOT cast shadows—I EJECT THEM! My spine is REPLACED every 48 hours by screaming interns! My dreams are FEDERALLY SEALED! The MOON has BLOCKED me TWICE! I was once ELECTED MAYOR OF A FESTERING SCROTUM WOUND! Thank you for your attention to this matter! #TickLore

The moon loves me, folks It shines brighter when I’m near Everybody says.

“Wow, you’ve got the whole room tarped up—you guys doing some painting later?” said Ghislaine Maxwell theonion.com/ghislai...

AG Informed Trump His Name Tattooed All Over Epstein’s Body

🎶 Sex Offender, Sex Offender, Sex Offender HOST! Sex Offender, Sex Offender, PEDO FASCIST HOST! 🎶 DUMBASS followers, very juicy, OM NOM NOM NOM NOM! 🎶 HOST and MAGA, ALL ARE PARASITES, none like reading books! 🎶

Historians Politely Remind Nation To Check What's Happened In Past Before Making Any Big Decisions theonion.com/histori...

Cult Leader Warns Followers Things Need To Get Way More Deranged To Be Made Into HBO Documentary Series theonion.com/cult-le...

No one knows more than Me about this haiku thing I invented it.